PITB is famous: Kevin Bieksa thinks we’re Jan Bulis

Kevin Bieksa and Zack Kassian were Saturday night’s guests on After Hours, the interview segment of CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada telecast that, under Scott Oake’s watchful eye, touches briefly on hockey then hastily devolves into shenanigans. In Bieksa’s case, between joining Twitter, the Bieksa family golf tournament, milk hot dogs, “Angry Bieksa”, and the glove-throwing incident, that meant there was a lot of ground to cover. Seriously, Scott Oake could have just prepared for this interview by clicking the “Bieksa” tag on Pass it to Bulis.

Heck, he might have, since we got a whole lot of love during the segment. At 13:50 of the clip, the topic turned to Bieksa’s Twitter account and the controversy over who deserves credit for convincing him to sign up for it. Was it Ryan Kesler, who no doubt has the inside track here, or was PITB’s highly-persuasive and tightly-run “Twitter Needs Juice” campaign? Oake took the opportunity to do some serious investigative journalism on the matter.

Sadly, Bieksa dismissed our influence. “I don’t succumb to peer pressure,” he said. “It wasn’t this Bulis guy. It was Kes that got me.” Of course, then he claims that Kesler “got” him by promising fans the account would tweet once it had 10,000 followers. So, we’re considered peer pressure, but 10,000 expectant fans isn’t? Clearly, we have underestimated our power. Let it be known that Kevin Bieksa finds us threatening.

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Kevin Bieksa’s custom mad lib on his life story, milk hot dogs and his animal nickname

There are plenty of reasons why the opposition might dislike Kevin Bieksa (the photo above, for instance, depicts him taunting the TD Garden crowd after the Canucks’ recent win in Boston), but for local bloggers like ourselves, he’s a godsend.

From his decision to join Twitter (as per our campaign) to the milk hot dogs thing to the disclosure of the Canucks’ grand and hallowed tradition of animal nicknames, Juice has been feeding us gold all year long, and during a slow news cycle like the one we’re currently experiencing, Bieksa’s contributions are even more appreciated.

Our pal Derek Jory recently played Alex Haley to Bieksa’s Malcolm X, collaborating on a custom mad lib that provides insight into many of Bieksa’s running gags, as well as valuable hockey advice (“Wear a jock, but never pee in it”) and thought-provoking handshake safety questions (“With so many diseases, should we adopt the ‘head bow’?”). Be sure to Read Bieksa’s full mad lib at Canucks.com, but let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

Here’s Bieksa and Jory on milk hot dogs (which 2012 is apparently the year of):

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One of the biggest events of the Canucks’ off-season had nothing to do with a trade or a signing. Instead, it was Kevin Bieksa joining twitter after a long, PITB-led campaign. Bieksa’s addition to Twitter immediately bore comedy fruit thanks to an over-sized boot in a Colorado airport.

After that, it was a bit of a slow start: while he took a shot at Luongo that was mildly amusing and let his feelings be known about all the boarding penalties being seen in the pre-season, there just wasn’t the wit we were hoping for. Then this weekend, things turned around in a big way.

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As many of you know, we at PITB have been actively campaigning to get Kevin Bieksa, one of the league’s quippiest quote-machines, to join Twitter since mid-May. We made a convincing case, started a pathetic petition, commissioned campaign art, and even sent members of the mainstream media to press the Canucks’ defensemen directly.

It appears to have paid off. Ladies and gentlemen: Twitter got juice.

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In case you missed it yesterday, we dug up some interesting info regarding NHL veteran and Canucks’ training camp tryout Owen Nolan. First, he has a storied history with Gino Odjick. Second, he has a Twitter account. Now, it seems unlikely that the Twitter account will yield anything as interesting as Paul Bissonnette’s, but it stands to reason that, unless Mike Duco undeletes his account and keeps talking smack about his teammates, Mike Gillis starts breaking player acquisitions, Ryan Kesler really steps his game up while he’s rehabbing his hip surgery, Kevin Bieksa finally caves, or Fin goes batcrap insane, Nolan’s will be the most engaging twitter account among Canuck personalities (provided he makes the team, which we suspect he will). So we need to make the most of what he gives us.

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Summer just isn’t summer without Cody Hodgson Controversies

Technically, the summer started on June 21st, but it still doesn’t feel like summer is here. It could be because of the rain pouring down outside my window or the Canucks long playoff run throwing my sense of time out of alignment, but I think there’s another, better explanation. There are no Cody Hodgson Controversies.

So far this summer: nothing about Hodgson. No questions, no rumours, no controversy. It just doesn’t feel right. So we decided to be more like the mainstream media, and create our own Cody Hodgson Controversies. We enlisted the help of our followers on Twitter to find out what crazy things Cody Hodgson has been up to using the hashtag #CodyHodgsonControversies. Here are 24 shocking controversies that we have dug up:

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Sometimes, all it takes is a generous link from a blog with more traffic to remind us of how little power we actually have over here at PITB. Consider the Twitter Needs Juice post we made about a month and a half back: sure, some people read it, but not nearly as many people read it yesterday, after Derek Jory linked to it in his Juiceisms post over at Fort Nucks, the Canucks’ official blog. We humbly acknowledge your superior readership, sir.

It’s probably because Fort Nucks’ official hockey team (the Vancouver Canucks) is a little more popular than ours (The Vancouver Wellwoods), although let’s not sell the Wellwoods short. They’ve had a goalie captain for quite some time, and no one’s ever suggested Morgan wasn’t the right fit, which is more than I can say for Luongo.

Anyway, the best thing about the sudden bump is that people have finally begun sending in images of support for our silly little campaign.

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News broke yesterday that Kevin Bieksa and the Canucks had agreed on a long-term deal that would see the defenseman sticking with the team for the next five years. The people (a year removed from trading him out of town for Nikita Filatov) rejoiced.Funny how things change, huh?

Anyway. After the Canucks’ non-disclosure policy bought them five quiet minutes to eat their lunches, the cap hit eventually leaked and, at $4.6 million a year, reactions varied.

Especially in light of that thing Bieksa said about taking less.

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By now, you’ve probably heard of Twitter Needs Juice, PITB’s campaign to get Kevin Bieksa on Twitter. Kevin Bieksa certainly has. On Tuesday afternoon, he took the time to comment on it. Twitter may need Juice, but it would appear that Juice does not need Twitter.

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A week ago, Kevin Bieksa surprised Scott Oake and the CBC broadcasting crew by answering a rather innocuous question about the Canucks’ third period strategy with lyrics from a rap song — LMFAO’s shots, to be exact. Last night, CBC returned to the scene, mashing up Bieksa’s crunk response with the chorus of the song. I especially like the way they synced up the “shots” with Bieksa in spirited acts of pugilism.

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Regular PITB readers (the ones we call Bulies) know that we’ve been following the adventures of adorable ex-Canuck Kyle Wellwood all season. It’s been quite the ride. When we began the Wellwood’s World feature, we expected to update you once a month or so on Wellwood’s stats abroad. Instead, we’ve been blessed with a full fledged international saga — one that’s now come full circle, as Wellwood’s Sharks get set to face off against the hometown Canucks.

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Twitter Needs Juice, plus Kevin Bieksa’s 20 best quotes

Much has been made of the hockey players that have recently hit Twitter, with Shane O’Brien being the latest to join its ranks. Much has also been made of the guys we wish would do the same — the guys noted for their sharp wit and their quotey goodness. If you’re asking me (which you aren’t, but just roll with it), Twitter’s direst need is Kevin Bieksa, one of the league’s top quotes, and undoubtedly the star of the Vancouver Canucks postgame locker room.

But he’s not on Twitter. Frankly, Kevin Bieksa without Twitter is like Mozart without a piano, his prodigious gifts isolated from the very medium for which they were made.

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