Watch ‘New Van Fan’ episodes two and three, featuring Keslurking and despair

Nine days ago, we introduced you to “New Van Fan”, a web series in which Canuck booster “Dan” attempted to teach his buddy “Andreas” the ins and outs of cheering for Vancouver’s local hockey team.

But secretly, this show isn’t just for the noob. The first episode featured valuable advice even for the long-time Canucks booster. “Don’t panic,” Dan told Andreas. “You’re going to want to panic. Don’t panic.” It’s true. Keeping an even keel is difficult for anybody rooting for the boys in blue and green. Canucks fandom throws keels askew. It’s an irregular keel you’re looking for, cheer for this team.

Anyway. Since then, we watched episode one, Dan and Andreas have already starred in episodes two and three. This show is being burned through like the last episodes of an NBC sitcom the network no longer likes. So let’s catch up.

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Relive Henrik’s big moment from ice level; learn why you had to watch ads the first time (VIDEO)

Henrik Sedin became the Vancouver Canucks’ all-time leading point-getter Friday night, collecting his 757th career point when he threaded a filthy pass to Alex Burrows for a second period one-timer. It was an incredible moment, one marred only by two small hiccups: first, the Dallas Stars would storm back with three unanswered goals to ensure that the feat occurred in a loss. Second, the aftermath of the historic point saw no stoppage in play for a good three minutes. The fans responded with a standing ovation in the meantime, which was cool, but when that stoppage finally came, Sportsnet went to commercial, which was less so.

As a viewer at home, it was frustrating to have to leave the party.

But if you’re still ruing that moment, we’ve got two things to help you. The first is an incredible, uninterrupted video of the entire sequence following Henrik’s record-breaking point, filmed at nearly ice level. The second is an explanation of why you were watching ads while the Rogers Arena crowd was watching Trevor Linden and Markus Naslund salute the man that had bested them.

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Manny Malhotra’s five most memorable moments as a Canuck [VIDEO]

New Canucks blog Bure’s Triple Deke has spent its brief time on the internet absolutely killing it with quality content. They are an excellent addition to the Smylosphere and one of the things they do best is the compilation video. Their YouTube account has several videos worth watching, from Henrik’s top 5 assists in 2011-12 to their comprehensive tribute to Alex Burrows’s patented backhand deke.

In the wake of Thursday’s announcement that Manny Malhotra is done for the season, they have produced the top 5 moments of his career as a Vancouver Canuck. Like Sex Bob-Omb, Bure’s Triple Deke is here to make you get sad and stuff.

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Alex Burrows loses a glove to Mikko Koivu, equipment thief [VIDEO]

Tuesday night’s contest between the Canucks and Wild may have been lacking in overall entertainment value, but the few highs made up for the many lows. All three goals scored in the game were top-notch, pretty goals, with Jannik Hansen’s tally the prettiest of them all, thanks to the efforts of Mason Raymond, Keith Ballard, and Jordan Schroeder. (Back off, Bieksa, you didn’t do anything. You just stood there.)

But there was one other thoroughly entertaining moment in the game. The Wild tried to get Alex Burrows off his game all night, starting in the first period when Zenon Kenopka tangled with the Canucks winger, leading to coincidental minors for the two of them. That was a bad trade-off for the Canucks, as Burrows has 131 more goals in his career than Kenopka. But Minnesota’s plan to agitate culminated in the oddest moment in the game, when Mikko Koivu straight-up jacked Burrows’s glove right off his hand.

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In ‘New Van Fan’, follow one man’s metamorphosis from know-nothing to panicky Canuck booster (VIDEO)

Being a Canucks fan isn’t simply about cheering for the Vancouver Canucks.

I mean, that’s a huge part of it, since not cheering for the Canucks basically assures that you can’t call yourself a fan. But if you’re boosting the Canucks with no knowledge of the team whatsoever, you run the risk of being called a bandwagon fan. It’s something that we try to deal with annually in our bandwagon fan cheat sheet, which gives new fans (and even those brave enough to admit they’re bandwagoning) a quick primer on the Canucks’ roster. You learn name, nicknames, things to say, things not to say. By the time you’re done, you’ll seem like a dedicated fanboy, even if you just got on board.

But there are other ways to get to know the team closely. You could, say, watch a lot of games. Or read this blog every day (which you should totally do anyway). Or, you could undergo the rigorous training program laid out in new web series “New Van Fan” from upstart video team the Frecklebombers.

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Sidelined by injury, Ryan Kesler works minimum wage jobs to pay the bills

During the lockout, Ryan Kesler wasn’t able to take anyone’s job in Europe because he was recovering from multiple surgeries. Now that the lockout is over, Kesler is making up for lost time by stealing jobs from minimum wage earners, which just seems mean and unnecessary.

Still, a guy’s gotta pay the bills, right? Except he still collected his NHL salary throughout the lockout because he was on the Injured Reserve list. Well, then. Looks like he’s just a jerk.

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Cabbie teams up with the Canucks for workplace shenanigans [VIDEO]

If Alain Vigneault assembled his roster based solely on chemistry, Cabral Richards would probably slot somewhere into the top nine. Whenever the interviewer waltzes into the Canucks’ locker room, the results are terrific.

Cabbie’s latest segment with the Canucks has him talking to Cory Schneider, Kevin Bieksa, and Manny Malhotra about the workplace environment when you’re playing professional hockey.

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‘Dale Weise follies’ proves at least one Canucks fan isn’t sold on Weise’s strong play [VIDEO]

There haven’t been a lot of bright spots for the Vancouver Canucks through their first two games, but I think most observers can agree that Dale Weise has been one of them. His strong play versus both Edmonton and Anaheim came as a surprise to just about everybody, Dutch fans excluded. It was so noticeable that Mike Gillis mentioned him in a recent sitdown with Cam Cole, and on Tuesday, Alain Vigneault promoted him to a line with Mason Raymond and Jordan Schroeder. (Or maybe he demoted Mason Raymond. We’re not quite sure.)

Weise even landed on the front page of NHL.com Tuesday, although, unfortunately, it was for the image you see above. Yes, Weise had a few lesser moments as well over the Canucks’ first weekend. Granted, it was easy to overlook them when he was making things happen at both ends of the ice, but apparently, one Canucks fan decided it was time to throw a little water on all the Dale Weise love. Youtube user “4skinWillie” — who we’ll infer from his username is 12 years old — has put together a brief collection of those lesser moments Sunday night versus Edmonton. It’s totally uncalled for. But it’s also pretty funny.

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Thanks to the Sedins, the UBC Thunderbirds believe in magic again [VIDEO]

The biggest losers of the start of the NHL season are undoubtedly the many college and junior teams that won’t have the benefit of NHL players skating with them at practice. It must have been incredible to skate alongside real NHLers, participating in drills with them, working out with them, and seeing exactly how much better they are than you.

The largest mass assemblage of Vancouver Canucks during the lockout skated with the UBC Thunderbirds, along with sundry other NHLers and free agents, even playing a charity shinny game against the college team as Bieksa’s Buddies. I have reason to believe that the Thunderbirds were grateful to the Canucks for the time they spent skating with them. That reason? They made a video stating that they were grateful to the Canucks for the time they spent skating with them. I’m pretty quick on picking up things like that.

Every single player on the Thunderbirds got a chance to express their thanks, which was a good move by UBC, as some of them are absolutely hilarious.

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Ryan Kesler calls season ticket-holder, interrupts someone’s pelvic exam [VIDEO]

In the lead-up to Saturday’s opening night tilt with the Anaheim Ducks, the Canucks announced a number of fan outreach initiatives aimed at, hopefully, making fans feel a little less uneasy about returning to the loving arms of a league that just punched them in the gonads. There would be cheap food, 50% off merchandise, and a patronizing new video, but chief amongst these initiatives was the special opportunity for a season-ticket holder to drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoffs.

That season-ticket holder was selected and informed Friday. His name: Dr. Jeffrey Bell. And for an extra-special treat, the Canucks enlisted Ryan Kesler to tell the doctor. The phone call that was filmed for Canucks.com, and thank goodness they did that, because otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to prove that Kesler somehow managed to call during a pelvic exam:

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Watch ‘Luongo unchained’, the greatest Luongo-based movie trailer parody ever [VIDEO]

Shortly after the NHL lockout ended, the Luongo-to-Toronto action heated up. No trade was made, of course, and with the roster moves the Leafs are currently making, it looks like the deal might be falling apart. But, whether or not this oft-rumoured deal ever actually happens, I think we can all agree that the drama surrounding it has been immensely entertaining, especially in the days surrounding Brian Burke’s firing, which was said to be influenced in some way by the whole Luongo mess. You’d have thought we were watching a movie.

Now it is one, as Down Goes Brown and Bloge Salming have teamed up for yet another comedy video, the brilliant, “Luongo Unchained”. The perfect title alone is worth a click, and I promise everything else lives up to that high standard. This thing is wall-to-wall comedy.

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Is this the saddest Roberto Luongo tribute ever? [VIDEO]

They may well have been the silent majority in the past, but the seeming inevitability of a trade has brought the Roberto Luongo fans out of the woodwork. It feels like we’ve seen more ardent defence of the Canucks netminder in the past eight months than in his previous four seasons combined.

The long, drawn-out nature of the lockout has only made things harder for Luongo fans, like slowly peeling off a band-aid from a particularly hairy part of the leg. Just ripping it off in one motion is preferable: it hurts more in the moment, but the pain fades over time. Now Luongo might stay with the team for the entire season, with the expectation that he’ll be gone in the summer, which is somehow even worse. Imagine an entire season of Luongo showing Canucks fans exactly what they love about him, all the while knowing that he won’t be staying.

That’s what makes this tribute video by YouTube user RanaTA87 so appropriate. It shows Luongo in both his moments of despair and his moments of glory, his triumphs and his tragedies. Set to “One Love” by U2, it is simultaneously painfully melodramatic and just melodramatic enough.

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Clay Imoo and friends present ‘Season of Cup’, which features insane vocals [VIDEO]

We’ve been known to sing our emotions here at Pass it to Bulis. Between “Lockout Man”, “I Want a Girl Like Trevor Linden”, “Song For Nelson Ong”, and “Call the Union”, I think you could argue that we’re one of the most musical hockey blogs around.

But we’re not the only Canuck fans known to occasionally drop a single. Clay Imoo, a member of the cast of superfriends over at Canucks Hockey Blog, is undoubtedly the Smylosphere’s reigning king of pop. In his series, “Clay’s Canucks Commentary”, The man takes to his Yamaha, assembles a roster of guest vocalists fit for a hip hop album, and delivers musical triumphs with stunning regularity.

On Monday, Imoo dropped his first new Canucks fan jam of 2013. “Season of Cup” is a take on “Seasons of Love” from Rent, and if we thought we could carry a tune here at PITB, well, compared to the vocal quartet Imoo’s assembled for this one, we may as well be Wesley Willis. This is some insane singing.

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Canucks kick off apology campaign with ‘Something was missing’  [VIDEO]

On Sunday, the Canucks announced their plans for a weekend “celebrating the passion and support of their loyal fans”, (i.e. a forgiveness campaign). According to a release, the home opening back-to-back, which sees visits from the Anaheim Ducks and the Edmonton Oilers, will be speckled with overtures to Canuck nation, such as $1 hot dogs, popcorn, nachos, and soft drinks — the apologetic equivalent of “flowers and chocolate” for the sports fan.

As well, the first game will culminate in a “Jersey off our backs” event, merchandise will be 50% off (which is still well above cost, but whatever), and one lucky season ticket-holder will be brought to ice level to drop the puck for a ceremonial faceoff.

And if none of that moves you, perhaps the new video, titled “Something was missing”, will do the trick. The eighty-second spot, which will likely also find its way onto the Jumbotron opening night, features shots of empty streets, swings, and pub patios, and a slam poetry voiceover extolling the many virtues of Vancouver life while noting a conspicuous absence.

That absence, of course, was fans with a hockey team to cheer for. Have a gander at the video.

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Johnny Canuck returns after the lockout, may have gone insane in the wilderness [VIDEO]

When we last saw Johnny Canuck, he was attempting to take his axe right to the face of a king. That…didn’t turn out so well. But now, after a long journey in the wilderness, the beleaguered and be-bearded lumberjack is back.

The Legend of Johnny Canuck – Part 1, The fourth film in Adam Mackay-Smith’s incredibe series, is just as epic and glorious as the first three, but also more distinctly resembles a crazed fever dream, complete with a Stanley Cup meteorite that causes sepia-toned flashbacks.

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Spitballin’ on Keith Ballard’s acting ability, infinite Sedins, and Frankie goes to camp

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

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Zack Kassian stars in ‘hockey mouth or meth mouth?’ on The Tonight Show (VIDEO)

Normally, it is to our great shame that we miss something sort of awesome and another Canucks blog happens upon it first. We do our best to be on top of this stuff. But in this case, we’re not ashamed to admit that this one escaped us the first time around.

Why? Because it means we don’t watch the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. (No offense if you do watch it. It’s just that we’re #TeamCoCo. Also, when we watch late-night comedy, we like to laugh occasionally. But seriously, no offense.)

However, lucky for all of us here in the Canucks’ blogosphere (also known as the Smylosphere), Jordan Bowman of the Province’s Legion of Blog has been working the Jay Leno beat. Hard. And Monday night, his fervent, completely unexplainable devotion to Leno finally paid off. In honour of the NHL lockout coming to an end, Leno debuted a new gag, titled, “Hockey mouth or meth mouth?”

I think you will recognize the mouth.

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Kesler and Bieksa host street hockey game with Cabbie, are terrible actors [VIDEO]

A couple weeks ago, Kevin Bieksa and Ryan Kesler teamed up with Cabral “Cabbie” Richards for an impromptu street hockey game under the Cambrie Bridge (site of one of the great music videos of our time).

Also, Jason Garrison was there.

TSN waited until last Friday to put up Cabbie’s segment on the game and, this weekend, it finally made it to YouTube.. I’ve been a big fan of Cabbie since his days on The Score. He seems to always be able to get athletes to let down their guard, leading to great interviews and a lot of humour.

This time around, however, Cabbie doesn’t say a word through the entire segment, letting Kesler and Bieksa take the reins. That was either a horrible, horrible mistake or one of the best things he’s ever done, depending on how much you like the unintentional humour of terrible acting. We like it a lot.

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Remember what a Canuck goal looks like with the top ten Canuck goals of the last ten years [VIDEO]

If you’re like us — and we assume, since you read the blog we write, that you are, at least a little — this lockout is beginning to tear at your insides like you’ve swallowed a jagged metal Krusty-O.

We’ve reached the dead zone, where there’s nothing to talk about and there appears to be no hope of something to talk about in the near future. Heck, not only is the future looking bleak, but even the past is beginning to fade, like that picture of the McFly children standing in front of that well. Stop for a moment: can you remember who scored the last Canucks goal or what it even looked like?

It was actually a pretty little goal from Henrik Sedin in the Canucks’ overtime elimination loss to the LA Kings on April 22nd, seven months ago to the day. 214 sleeps in the past. See, that’s just too long ago, so we thought you might enjoy a refresher course in Canuck goal-scoring.

For that, we turn to Youtube user Nevlach, who has put together a countdown of the 10 best Canuck goals of the last 10 years. It is, like any list, highly subjective and wholly divisive, so feel free to have strong opinions in the comments. But before you do, why not just take the next 11 minutes to enjoy a trip down memory lane with some of the greatest Canuck goals of the recent past?

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Love doesn’t hurt, but Ryan Kesler’s facial hair is pretty painful (VIDEO)

Back in April, Ryan Kesler and Popchips announced the Game Changers initiative, which would give fans the opportunity to suggest charitable causes for the Canuck centre to support. After a month, Kesler was presented with a shortlist of five charities. From those five, he went with the request to tape a public service announcement for the BC Society of Transition Houses, “a non-profit association of Transition, Second and Third Stage Houses, Safe Homes, Children Who Witness Abuse Programs and other groups which serve the needs of women and their children fleeing violence”, according to their website.

“I’ve never known anyone personally who was affected, but I picked this charity because I feel strongly about it,” said Kesler when asked about the selection. “Too many kids are going through this. Violence against women is not right and when you involve kids… I have kids myself and I couldn’t imagine my kids going through something like that.”

Kesler filmed the public service announcement in support of the “Love Doesn’t Hurt” campaign back on June 22nd. It was released Tuesday. Here it is:

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Jan Bulis knows who to pass it to: himself [VIDEO]

It’s been a long time since the patron saint of PITB played with the Vancouver Canucks, but he still holds a special place in our hearts and our header images. So when Jan Bulis does something cool, we’re all over it. When Jan Bulis passes it to Bulis, you better bet we are aaaalllllll over it.

Bulis is currently playing for Traktor Chelyabinsk in the KHL and in their game against Avangard Omsk on Friday, he scored one of the most unreal goals I have ever seen.

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Apparently, Eddie Lack has a signature dance move (VIDEO)

The NHL lockout has forced many Canucks fans to turn to the AHL affiliate Chicago Wolves for their hockey fix, and for many, this has yielded a valuable discovery. If you thought Cory Schneider was a likeable cat — and he is, to be certain — he’s got nothing on the next guy on the Canucks’ depth chart. Eddie Lack may be the Canucks’ third-stringer in goal, but when it comes to the Canucks’ all-Twitter team, he’s… well, actually, he’s still not the starter.

But he’s in the top two. Eddie Lack is a full-blown character.

And, like all great characters — Bart Simpson, Steve Urkel, Elaine Benes, the Bluth family, Carlton Banks, and me — Lack apparently has a signature dance. I give you: the Lack dance.

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Spitballin’ on Bure’s induction, Sundin’s regret, and naked Kesler on a sweater

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Harrison made the NHL lockout parody nobody wanted, but everyone needed [VIDEO]

I could have stopped him. Instead, I helped him. I am so, so sorry.

When Harrison called me a couple weeks ago asking me to help him with a parody song about the NHL lockout, I was expecting something similar to “Lockout Man,” the “Rocket Man” parody we did at the end of September. I thought he had in mind a silly riff on a popular song and that would be the end of it. I was wrong.

I had no idea that his idea for a parody of Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend” would result in too-tight yoga pants and floor-humping. But really, given how long I’ve known Harrison, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

I hadn’t even heard “Call Your Girlfriend” before Harrison played me the music video, which shows the eponymous Robyn dancing alone in a warehouse, with her only accompaniment being a series of flashing lights. It’s pretty amazing to watch if only because the dancing isn’t exactly phenomenal – just very, very enthusiastic.

So when Harrison told me that part of his plan was to recreate the music video for his parody “Call the Union,” I was a little worried. Suffice it to say he nailed the video: his dancing is very, very enthusiastic.

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Adorable Campbell River kid wants hockey back, thinks the owners and players should stop fighting (VIDEO)

Mackinley is a six-year-old girl from Campbell River, British Columbia and she loves hockey. Despite both her parents being huge fans of the Montreal Canadiens, Mackinley has chosen the much more potentially heartbreaking path of cheering for the Vancouver Canucks. When she found out that she might not be able to watch her beloved Canucks this season, or any other NHL hockey for that matter, she was devastated.

You see, hockey holds a special place in Mackinley’s life. Her father works in a mining camp and is away from home for up to four weeks at a time, with only a two week break in between to be at home. During those times, one of the main things he and Mackinley like to do together is watch the NHL.

So Mackinley decided to do something about it. She decided that she needed to talk to the NHL and get everything sorted out.

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