John Tortorella wanted the Canucks to buy out Alex Burrows [Report]

It was just a matter of time. After Trevor Linden finally fired John Tortorella at the end of April, eventually some juicy behind-the-scenes stories about his brief tenure with the Canucks would come out.

Sure enough, Gary Mason of the Globe and Mail went on the Team 1040 and shared a series of interesting and surprising revelations. He also tweeted out a few of the most notable things he’s heard since Tortorella’s departure.

The biggest revelation of them all: Tortorella continually put pressure on Mike Gillis and ownership to buy out Alex Burrows’ contract. For those looking to paint Tortorella with a Mike Keenan-shaped brush, there’s your “forced a beloved player out of Vancouver” moment, in case contributing to the trade of Roberto Luongo didn’t cover it.

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Canucks sign Dane Fox, probably because this guy on Twitter said they should

The Canucks have terminated the contracts of two players recently, Zach Hamill and Adam Polasek. This not only created some room in the prospect pool but also freed up a couple contracts to help refill that pool.

Mike Gillis added another forward to the pool on Saturday, signing Erie Otters forward Dane Fox to an entry-level contract. The over-ager has had a fantastic season for the Otters, but that’s not the real reason Gillis took a chance on the undrafted Fox. The real reason: the devoted efforts of Twitter user Mark G, aka. @gitch80.

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The 26 best tweets from @Strombone1 in 2013

On Saturday, I curated Puck Daddy’s year-end list of hockey’s top 10 Twitter moments in 2013, and as you might expect, the countdown featured an appearance from the league’s top quipster, Roberto Luongo, known on the Twitters as @Strombone1.

“We could probably just do a top 10 countdown of Roberto Luongo’s Twitter moments,” I wrote, half-jokingly, before almost immediately realizing that I really should.

But you may notice that this isn’t a top 10 countdown. I can explain: once you start going through the tweets on Luongo’s legendary, unverified account, it’s tough to stop at just 10. So instead, we’ve decided to go full Buzzfeed on you guys. (Well, almost full Buzzfeed. We’ll stop at selecting Ryan Kesler to lead The Gay Revolution, unless that’s what Trollbama decides to rename Team USA in his efforts to make a statement with his Sochi delegation.) Here are Roberto Luongo’s 26 best tweets of 2013:

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Travesty Alert: Roberto Luongo doesn’t make Sports Illustrated’s top 100 Twitter follows

This is, my friends, an outrage.

Sports Illustrated doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to covering hockey. They named a poorly framed picture of Wayne Gretzky scoring a goal as the greatest hockey photo of all time. They suggested that “Robert” Luongo might get traded to Vancouver during that whole saga, which, I suppose, ended up being pretty close to the truth.

Even when hockey gets on the cover of Sports Illustrated, they somehow get it wrong, as with the recent “Chicago Blackhawks saved hockey!” debacle.

So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that hockey got short shrift in their Twitter 100. What’s astonishing is just how badly they got it wrong.

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John Tortorella hates in-season tweeting and he hates your Twitter account, you narcissist

There was a time, and not that long ago, when Ryan Kesler’s advertorial-heavy Twitter account was about as good as fans were going to get out of the Canucks locker room. But Twitter has been kind to us over the past couple of years, with Kevin Bieksa and Alex Burrows signing up, leading to some incredibly strange and entertaining conversations, Eddie Lack emerging as both a top-notch fellow and a top-notch follow, David Booth treating pro-death fans to photos of stuff he killed, of course, Roberto Luongo using the site to inject a little levity into his never-ending drama.

But now there is a threat to the Twitter Shangri-La the Vancouver Canucks locker room has become: John Tortorella, hater of tweets.

The newly-hired Canucks coach is still on his personality rehabilitation tour, and on Monday night, he visited Sportsnet’s James Cybulski to talk about his kinder, gentler approach to the media. (Be sure to note Cybulski’s precocious puppy dog smile throughout. It’s wise. Tortorella is known to love puppies, so looking as puppy-like as possible is a savvy interview strategy.)

The problem: while Tortorella purports to be a nice now — inasmuch as quotes like “I think I have something to offer, as far as being a decent person” seem like things a nice guy as opposed to a scary mean guy trying to pretend he’s a nice guy might say — his newfound respect for the media does not extend to social media.

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Spitballin’ on Alberts re-signing, snarky Whitecaps, and prospects scoring beautiful goals

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Play Now Poker asks for Luongo poker questions via Twitter, hilarity ensues

It’s been five days since Mike Gillis surprised everyone, including his goaltenders, by trading Cory Schneider instead of Roberto Luongo. Luongo has yet to speak to the media about the trade, only telling James Duthie that he was shocked and needed some time to “consider his options.”

That has Canucks fans freaking out, worrying that Luongo will refuse to return to the Canucks, leaving the team without a starting goaltender heading into the 2012-13 season. It seems doubtful that it will come to that, but Luongo’s silence has everyone on edge.

Into this tense environment stepped @PlayNowPoker, who is sponsoring Luongo’s entry into the World Series of Poker that is taking place this weekend. Luongo is currently refusing live interviews, clearly wanting to avoid any questions about hockey, but Play Now Sports clearly wants to use Luongo’s celebrity to promote their brand. Their solution? Soliciting questions on Twitter, specifically asking for “poker questions” in hopes of avoiding an onslaught of Canucks-related queries.

Unsurprisingly, that didn’t work, as Canucks fans flooded the hashtag #AskLuongo with questions cleverly (and not-so-cleverly) disguised as poker-related. We’ve collected the best of the bunch.

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Chloe Ezra’s new Canucks Twitter stickers are adorable

We at Pass it to Bulis are big fans of Chloe Ezra, the cartoonist Canucks fan whose Tumblr, Blue Soup, is thoroughly entertaining. We have collaborated a number of times in the past, including the popular Pass it to Comics series during the 2011-12 season.

Earlier this year, Chloe created a set of Canucks stickers featuring 22 adorable little headshots of the Canucks, as well as both Green Men, Canucks website writer and Twitter maestro Derek Jory, and former Canuck Sami Salo, who holds a special place in Chloe’s heart. I made sure to order a couple sets for myself and they are even more awesome in real life.

Now, Chloe has put together a new set of Canucks stickers, this time spotlighting four of the Canucks who are on Twitter. They are absolutely fantastic.

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Expected new Canucks head coach, John Tortorella, is on Twitter, loves dogs

We here at Pass it to Bulis let it be known early on that we were fully in favour of John Tortorella coaching the Canucks, not because we necessarily thought he was the best candidate, but because we like to balance our hockey analysis with humour and entertainment. Tortorella’s fiery run-ins with the media are blogger gold as he is as quick with a quip as he is with a cuss.

What we didn’t realize is that Tortorella would not only provide us with hilarious content, but also heartwarming content. Turns out, Tortorella is on Twitter and, while he’s known for lighting a fire under his player’s asses, his tweets will light a fire under your heart.

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Spitballin’ on Kassian’s favourite snack, Ballard’s patience, and Booth’s new Twitter account

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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David Booth tries to manufacture a little luck, gets zinged by his brothers

Considering the rotten luck that David Booth has had since he arrived in Vancouver, be it on the ice in his dismal shooting percentage or the various and sundry injuries that have kept him off the ice for long stretches, you could forgive the right winger for trying to manufacture a little luck this offseason.

Or a lot of luck. Four-leaf clovers are lucky, sure, but David Booth needs more luck than that. He needs at least five leaves. And so, after finding a four-leaf clover, Booth slyly tucked another clover behind it and tried to pass it off on social media as a rare five-leafer.

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Jimmy Fallon calls Roberto Luongo ‘Count Chocula’, has no clue how to pronounce his name [VIDEO]

It’s the NHL playoffs, which means it’s time for television newscasters and personalities who haven’t the first clue about hockey to start pretending like they care about the NHL. This is particularly true for those on NBC, the American rights holder for the NHL.

Poor Jimmy Fallon was clearly asked by his bosses at NBC to work the NHL into his show on Monday night. Games have already been shown on NBC Sports Network and CNBC, but the main channel will start showing games starting on Saturday, May 18th, and clearly want to build some buzz. Fallon has shown an ability to create some virality in the past and NBC hoped he’d do the same for the NHL playoffs.

One problem: it’s not that Fallon doesn’t know the first thing about hockey — he doesn’t know the second, third, or fourth thing either. One of those things he doesn’t know is how to pronounce the names of any hockey player with a name more complicated than “Ryan.” Fallon worked the NHL into one of his existing bits — Late Night Superlatives — with simultaneously hilarious and horribly awkward results.

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Spitballin’ on the Ogopogo, a century-old Aaron Volpatti, and playoff pump-up videos

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Roberto Luongo watches Real Housewives during most uneventful game ever

Originally, I considered filing this picture of Roberto Luongo at the Vancouver Canucks’ bench under the “I find this photo odd” feature, but truthfully, I only find the caption odd. According to Getty Images, in this photo, “Roberto Luongo of the Vancouver Canucks checks the replay on his iPad during their NHL game against the Columbus Blue Jackets at Rogers Arena March 26, 2013.”

But that can’t be right. Why would any non-masochistic person replay any portion of Tuesday night’s game? It made Season 1 of Treme look like Season 4 of The Wire, that’s how dry that game was.

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Luongo, Kesler, Bieksa riff on greasy hair, indecipherable Burrows in odd Twitter conversation

The Canucks are on a roll, winning four straight. As a result, the team is feeling pretty loose and relaxed. Want proof? After their victory over the Colorado Avalanche on Sunday night, three Canucks engaged in an absurd and ridiculously hilarious conversation on Twitter.

We’re used to Roberto Luongo entertaining Canucks fans and the rest of the hockey world with his self-deprecating humour on his no-longer-alleged Twitter account, @strombone1, but on Sunday night Ryan Kesler (@Ryan_Kesler) and Kevin Bieksa (@kbieksa3) joined in on the fun. The three Canucks riffed on Luongo’s hair, for the most part, but couldn’t resist a couple quips on Burrows’ indecipherability and a couple body blows on Kesler’s nude photo.

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Spitballin’ on Luongo scouting, Barker shooting, and Raymond twirling

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

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Spitballin’ on Kesler’s injury, Luongo zingers, and Sedin marine trivia

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

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Roberto Luongo gets schooled by T.J. Oshie, owns it with a callback (VIDEO)

Last last month, Alex Burrows wowed everyone with an audacious shootout move versus the LA Kings, attempting a forehand spin-o-rama on Jonathan Quick, followed by a couple of late jukes and a seeing-eye snapshot just inside the post. Of course, it wasn’t “Wow, that was nifty,” so much as “Wow, that was embarrassing.” The move failed completely when Quick refused to bite — ironically — and Burrows wound up looking pretty darn foolish.

It was an eminently mockable move, and the hockey world took full advantage. Even Roberto Luongo joined in on Twitter. On Sunday, however, it was Luongo’s turn to look foolish and get mocked.

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Roberto Luongo cracks wise, discusses a certain popular local Twitter account on HNIC After Hours [VIDEO]

Roberto Luongo was the guest on Hockey Night in Canada After Hours Saturday night, and as you might have guessed, it was must-watch television.

This interview had three things going for it from the start. First, the Canucks won, so Luongo was guaranteed to be in a good mood. Second, Luongo spent the entire night sitting on the bench, so you know he was ready for a little banter. And third, Scott Oake is notorious for awkwardly asking the questions you’re not supposed to ask. Typically, if he’s been told he’s not supposed to ask something, he just asks it like this: “I know I’m not supposed to ask this, but I have to ask.” It’s super subtle.

Sure enough, it all came together, resulted in what one might argue was the best of many great Canuck performance on After Hours. Watch and enjoy.

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Spitballin’ on Keith Ballard’s acting ability, infinite Sedins, and Frankie goes to camp

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

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Love doesn’t hurt, but Ryan Kesler’s facial hair is pretty painful (VIDEO)

Back in April, Ryan Kesler and Popchips announced the Game Changers initiative, which would give fans the opportunity to suggest charitable causes for the Canuck centre to support. After a month, Kesler was presented with a shortlist of five charities. From those five, he went with the request to tape a public service announcement for the BC Society of Transition Houses, “a non-profit association of Transition, Second and Third Stage Houses, Safe Homes, Children Who Witness Abuse Programs and other groups which serve the needs of women and their children fleeing violence”, according to their website.

“I’ve never known anyone personally who was affected, but I picked this charity because I feel strongly about it,” said Kesler when asked about the selection. “Too many kids are going through this. Violence against women is not right and when you involve kids… I have kids myself and I couldn’t imagine my kids going through something like that.”

Kesler filmed the public service announcement in support of the “Love Doesn’t Hurt” campaign back on June 22nd. It was released Tuesday. Here it is:

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Strombone1 presents… his ten favourite Bruins fan hate-tweets

Friday on the blog, we featured a particularly amusing tweet from @strombone1, suspected (rightly) by many to be the Twitter account of one Roberto Luongo. The tweet, made shortly after the U.S. Presidential election, celebrated four more years of Barack Obama because it also meant four more years of politically charged Facebook rants from a certain goaltender whose initials happened to be TT.

With Tim Thomas’s star having fallen somewhat over the past year, the kneejerk response from many Bostonians — who, in a rare moment of lucidity, got the joke — was little more than a hearty chuckle. But there were still plenty of Bruins fans just touchy enough to flip out over the tweet. Luongo estimates that he was bombarded with hate-tweets in the triple digits.

Now, as someone who has gotten his fair share of hate-tweets (mainly from the good people of Great Britain), I can tell you that there’s really nothing to do but laugh when they come your way. That or, if you run a blog, make a list of your favourites, because blogs are for lists.

Well, Roberto Luongo doesn’t run a blog, but he is a friend of this one, so he was kind enough to put together just such a list for us. What follows is a countdown of @strombone1′s 10 favourite Bruins fan hate-tweets, lovingly selected by the man himself. Fair warning that a few are a little NSFW for strong language, as one might expect.

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The award for best post-election tweet of all-time goes to Roberto Luongo

Immediately after Tuesday night’s election was called in Barack Obama’s favour (actually, four minutes before, but who’s arguing), his Twitter account sent out a victory tweet. “Four more years”, it said, along with a photo of the President hugging his wife, Michelle. In just 22 minutes, it had been shared over 200,000 times, making it the most retweeted tweet in history. Three days later, it’s been retweeted an astounding 800,000 times. People seemed pretty into it.

That said, if you’re asking me, the tweet most deserving of an RT in the wake of Obama’s re-election win was this one, from our old pal @strombone1, a.k.a. totally Roberto Luongo:

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Roberto Luongo’s suspected twitter account provides some suspect pickup lines

One of the major differences between this NHL lockout and the lockouts that occurred in 2004-05 and 1994-95 is the advent of Twitter, giving teams, media, and players a direct conduit to fans. The NHLPA has encouraged their constituents to communicate their frustration with Gary Bettman and the owners through Twitter, to the point that many of the player accounts seem completely homogeneous.

There is one player’s Twitter account, however, that will always be completely and utterly unique: strombone1. The all-but-verified account of a certain French-Italian-Canadian netminder for the Vancouver Canucks is an endless source of bizarre non-sequiturs , love for reality TV, and an obsession for literal toilet humour, generally at his own expense.

No other NHL player would start a hashtag full of terrible pickup lines entirely making fun of himself. The pseudonym’d Roberto Luongo distracted hockey fans nation-wide from the lockout with the #StrombonePickupLines hashtag and the results are ridiculous, hilarious, and frequently filthy. Be forewarned.

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The PITB Twitter 50: a starter pack of Canucks follows

Earlier this week, Sports Illustrated released their second annual Twitter 100, a countdown of the 100 most essential Twitter accounts in sports. Shortly thereafter, Deadspin released a rebuttal, a list of the 67 worst. With Twitter lists on our mind, we thought it might be worth creating something similar for Canucks fans. This is that: the Pass it to Bulis Twitter 50.

Now, this list — juried by myself, Daniel, and an anonymous third party who is to blame for any omission or selection that offends you — provides 50 accounts worth a follow if you’re a Canucks fan on Twitter: beat guys, radio stations, fans, bloggers and players. But, of course, the Canucks community is much larger than just 50 accounts, which is why we’ve avoided naming this “The Essential 50″ or “50 must-follows” or some such other nonsense that suggests you’re doing it wrong if you’re not following these accounts, or that other accounts are somehow not as good.

It’s for that same reason that they’re presented in no particular order. These are just 50 accounts we think Canuck fans will benefit from following. Effectively, think of the PITB Twitter 50 as a starter pack.

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