The 26 best tweets from @Strombone1 in 2013

On Saturday, I curated Puck Daddy’s year-end list of hockey’s top 10 Twitter moments in 2013, and as you might expect, the countdown featured an appearance from the league’s top quipster, Roberto Luongo, known on the Twitters as @Strombone1.

“We could probably just do a top 10 countdown of Roberto Luongo’s Twitter moments,” I wrote, half-jokingly, before almost immediately realizing that I really should.

But you may notice that this isn’t a top 10 countdown. I can explain: once you start going through the tweets on Luongo’s legendary, unverified account, it’s tough to stop at just 10. So instead, we’ve decided to go full Buzzfeed on you guys. (Well, almost full Buzzfeed. We’ll stop at selecting Ryan Kesler to lead The Gay Revolution, unless that’s what Trollbama decides to rename Team USA in his efforts to make a statement with his Sochi delegation.) Here are Roberto Luongo’s 26 best tweets of 2013:

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Spitballin’ on Horvat’s animal nickname, Shinkaruk getting cut, and Luongo’s in-game tweet

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Travesty Alert: Roberto Luongo doesn’t make Sports Illustrated’s top 100 Twitter follows

This is, my friends, an outrage.

Sports Illustrated doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to covering hockey. They named a poorly framed picture of Wayne Gretzky scoring a goal as the greatest hockey photo of all time. They suggested that “Robert” Luongo might get traded to Vancouver during that whole saga, which, I suppose, ended up being pretty close to the truth.

Even when hockey gets on the cover of Sports Illustrated, they somehow get it wrong, as with the recent “Chicago Blackhawks saved hockey!” debacle.

So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that hockey got short shrift in their Twitter 100. What’s astonishing is just how badly they got it wrong.

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Spitballin’ on Kassian’s favourite snack, Ballard’s patience, and Booth’s new Twitter account

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Jimmy Fallon calls Roberto Luongo ‘Count Chocula’, has no clue how to pronounce his name [VIDEO]

It’s the NHL playoffs, which means it’s time for television newscasters and personalities who haven’t the first clue about hockey to start pretending like they care about the NHL. This is particularly true for those on NBC, the American rights holder for the NHL.

Poor Jimmy Fallon was clearly asked by his bosses at NBC to work the NHL into his show on Monday night. Games have already been shown on NBC Sports Network and CNBC, but the main channel will start showing games starting on Saturday, May 18th, and clearly want to build some buzz. Fallon has shown an ability to create some virality in the past and NBC hoped he’d do the same for the NHL playoffs.

One problem: it’s not that Fallon doesn’t know the first thing about hockey — he doesn’t know the second, third, or fourth thing either. One of those things he doesn’t know is how to pronounce the names of any hockey player with a name more complicated than “Ryan.” Fallon worked the NHL into one of his existing bits — Late Night Superlatives — with simultaneously hilarious and horribly awkward results.

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Bonus hardware! Handing out the real end-of-year Canucks team awards

The Vancouver Canucks handed out their team awards on Thursday night prior to their lacklustre effort against the Anaheim Ducks. Henrik Sedin took home the Cyrus H. McLean award as the Canucks’ leading scorer and will keep it unless Daniel manages to score 6 points on Saturday against the Oilers without Henrik getting any.

Dan Hamhuis deservedly won the Babe Pratt award for best defenceman, Cory Schneider understandably won the Cyclone Taylor award as the team’s MVP, and Jannik Hansen simultaneously had his praises sung as the team’s Most Exciting Player and was named the team’s unsung hero with the Fred J. Hume award.

That just doesn’t seem like enough awards, so we put together seven more:

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Roberto Luongo watches Real Housewives during most uneventful game ever

Originally, I considered filing this picture of Roberto Luongo at the Vancouver Canucks’ bench under the “I find this photo odd” feature, but truthfully, I only find the caption odd. According to Getty Images, in this photo, “Roberto Luongo of the Vancouver Canucks checks the replay on his iPad during their NHL game against the Columbus Blue Jackets at Rogers Arena March 26, 2013.”

But that can’t be right. Why would any non-masochistic person replay any portion of Tuesday night’s game? It made Season 1 of Treme look like Season 4 of The Wire, that’s how dry that game was.

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Luongo, Kesler, Bieksa riff on greasy hair, indecipherable Burrows in odd Twitter conversation

The Canucks are on a roll, winning four straight. As a result, the team is feeling pretty loose and relaxed. Want proof? After their victory over the Colorado Avalanche on Sunday night, three Canucks engaged in an absurd and ridiculously hilarious conversation on Twitter.

We’re used to Roberto Luongo entertaining Canucks fans and the rest of the hockey world with his self-deprecating humour on his no-longer-alleged Twitter account, @strombone1, but on Sunday night Ryan Kesler (@Ryan_Kesler) and Kevin Bieksa (@kbieksa3) joined in on the fun. The three Canucks riffed on Luongo’s hair, for the most part, but couldn’t resist a couple quips on Burrows’ indecipherability and a couple body blows on Kesler’s nude photo.

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Spitballin’ on Kesler’s injury, Luongo zingers, and Sedin marine trivia

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

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Roberto Luongo gets schooled by T.J. Oshie, owns it with a callback (VIDEO)

Last last month, Alex Burrows wowed everyone with an audacious shootout move versus the LA Kings, attempting a forehand spin-o-rama on Jonathan Quick, followed by a couple of late jukes and a seeing-eye snapshot just inside the post. Of course, it wasn’t “Wow, that was nifty,” so much as “Wow, that was embarrassing.” The move failed completely when Quick refused to bite — ironically — and Burrows wound up looking pretty darn foolish.

It was an eminently mockable move, and the hockey world took full advantage. Even Roberto Luongo joined in on Twitter. On Sunday, however, it was Luongo’s turn to look foolish and get mocked.

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Roberto Luongo cracks wise, discusses a certain popular local Twitter account on HNIC After Hours [VIDEO]

Roberto Luongo was the guest on Hockey Night in Canada After Hours Saturday night, and as you might have guessed, it was must-watch television.

This interview had three things going for it from the start. First, the Canucks won, so Luongo was guaranteed to be in a good mood. Second, Luongo spent the entire night sitting on the bench, so you know he was ready for a little banter. And third, Scott Oake is notorious for awkwardly asking the questions you’re not supposed to ask. Typically, if he’s been told he’s not supposed to ask something, he just asks it like this: “I know I’m not supposed to ask this, but I have to ask.” It’s super subtle.

Sure enough, it all came together, resulted in what one might argue was the best of many great Canuck performance on After Hours. Watch and enjoy.

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Strombone1 presents… his ten favourite Bruins fan hate-tweets

Friday on the blog, we featured a particularly amusing tweet from @strombone1, suspected (rightly) by many to be the Twitter account of one Roberto Luongo. The tweet, made shortly after the U.S. Presidential election, celebrated four more years of Barack Obama because it also meant four more years of politically charged Facebook rants from a certain goaltender whose initials happened to be TT.

With Tim Thomas’s star having fallen somewhat over the past year, the kneejerk response from many Bostonians — who, in a rare moment of lucidity, got the joke — was little more than a hearty chuckle. But there were still plenty of Bruins fans just touchy enough to flip out over the tweet. Luongo estimates that he was bombarded with hate-tweets in the triple digits.

Now, as someone who has gotten his fair share of hate-tweets (mainly from the good people of Great Britain), I can tell you that there’s really nothing to do but laugh when they come your way. That or, if you run a blog, make a list of your favourites, because blogs are for lists.

Well, Roberto Luongo doesn’t run a blog, but he is a friend of this one, so he was kind enough to put together just such a list for us. What follows is a countdown of @strombone1′s 10 favourite Bruins fan hate-tweets, lovingly selected by the man himself. Fair warning that a few are a little NSFW for strong language, as one might expect.

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The award for best post-election tweet of all-time goes to Roberto Luongo

Immediately after Tuesday night’s election was called in Barack Obama’s favour (actually, four minutes before, but who’s arguing), his Twitter account sent out a victory tweet. “Four more years”, it said, along with a photo of the President hugging his wife, Michelle. In just 22 minutes, it had been shared over 200,000 times, making it the most retweeted tweet in history. Three days later, it’s been retweeted an astounding 800,000 times. People seemed pretty into it.

That said, if you’re asking me, the tweet most deserving of an RT in the wake of Obama’s re-election win was this one, from our old pal @strombone1, a.k.a. totally Roberto Luongo:

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Roberto Luongo’s suspected twitter account provides some suspect pickup lines

One of the major differences between this NHL lockout and the lockouts that occurred in 2004-05 and 1994-95 is the advent of Twitter, giving teams, media, and players a direct conduit to fans. The NHLPA has encouraged their constituents to communicate their frustration with Gary Bettman and the owners through Twitter, to the point that many of the player accounts seem completely homogeneous.

There is one player’s Twitter account, however, that will always be completely and utterly unique: strombone1. The all-but-verified account of a certain French-Italian-Canadian netminder for the Vancouver Canucks is an endless source of bizarre non-sequiturs , love for reality TV, and an obsession for literal toilet humour, generally at his own expense.

No other NHL player would start a hashtag full of terrible pickup lines entirely making fun of himself. The pseudonym’d Roberto Luongo distracted hockey fans nation-wide from the lockout with the #StrombonePickupLines hashtag and the results are ridiculous, hilarious, and frequently filthy. Be forewarned.

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The best tweets about Tim Thomas’s support of Chick-Fil-A

There was a time when Tim Thomas was the everyman hero, the blue collar journeyman who didn’t make his first NHL start until the age of 28, only to become a Vezina, Conn Smythe, and Stanley Cup winner. Now he’s known more for his extremely conservative, right wing political viewpoints that he shares on Facebook and refuses to talk about with the media.

His latest Facebook post sees him supporting Chick-Fil-A, the chicken sandwich restaurant chain whose owner has recently ignited controversy with his anti-gay-marriage comments. It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, really. Given the other political viewpoints Thomas has espoused on his Facebook, it’s pretty much a given that he would be against gay marriage.

This is, of course, a serious issue that deserves serious consideration and serious discussion. But not from Pass it to Bulis. Instead, I’m just going to share the many, many hilarious things that people said on Twitter in response to Thomas’s Facebook post.

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Reports and rumours: really, what’s the difference?

After the NHL Draft came and went without a Roberto Luongo trade, the waters were temporarily calm on that front. Then came Aaron Portzline of the Columbus Dispatch to create some waves Monday morning by claiming that Luongo had invoked his No Trade Clause to avoid being traded to the Blackhawks or the Leafs and that his preferred location was a return to the Florida Panthers.

Needles to say, this caused what is known in technical terms as a kerfuffle.

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PITB chats with Twitter superstar Strombone1, who may or may not be Roberto Luongo

Roberto Luongo has dominated the Canucks’ offseason discussion, both because rumours that he’s on his way out of town continue to swirl, and because he is believed to be running one of the best athlete Twitter accounts in the history of the world. @strombone1, Roberto Luongo’s super-secret suspected Twitter account, is pretty much everything you want an athlete Twitter account to be: hilarious, interactive, topical, you name it. The only thing it isn’t… is verified.

I’ve compiled my evidence for why I believe Roberto Luongo is the man behind @strombone1 at the bottom of this post and, as strange the account has gotten over the past few months, I stand by my conclusions. Heck, I’m more confident now than I was then. Jason Botchford agrees. Still, there are facts yet to be found, which is why I recently reached out to @strombone1 himself for answers.

Granted, he didn’t provide any, but we still chatted via Twitter’s direct messaging service. What follows is an exclusive interview with @strombone1, which may actually be an exclusive interview with Roberto Luongo, depending on what you believe.

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The further adventures of Luongo’s super-secret suspected twitter account: Escape Goat

When Don Cherry joined Twitter at the beginning of March, I must confess I was hoping for more unintentional hilarity. After all, Cherry is 78 years old, which isn’t normally a great age to try and learn how to use a new technology. Combine that with Cherry’s propensity for political incorrectness and his twitter account had the potential for awesomeness.

Unfortunately, Don Cherry’s Twitter account ended up being pretty dull, consisting largely of him pointing out when a player is doing well and linking to Coach’s Corner segments on CBC. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how quickly he adapted to using Twitter; he adapted to the advent of techno, after all.

The one instance where Cherry managed to provide the Twitter world with a little unintentional humour came a couple weeks ago, when he weighed in on the rumour that Luongo had asked for a trade.

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CBC report on Luongo’s secret Twitter fails to convince, succeeds in getting Luongo to tweet something funny

We’ve been talking about Roberto Luongo’s suspected secret Twitter account since late February, but with the Canucks’ elimination from the playoffs and Luongo’s reported trade request, the antics of @strombone1 have spiked in a major way of late. The man has basically been writing this blog for us for a week now.

On Tuesday, the continuing adventures @strombone1 went national when CBC picked up the story in a piece by Karin Larson. Here’s “Luongo on Twitter?”, a CBC investigative report.

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David Booth tweets a photo of a bear he killed, to the horror of everybody

David Booth has been completely open about his affinity for hunting since he came to Vancouver. At that time, we were all a little bummed to have lost bear fighter extraordinaire Tanner Glass to the Winnipeg Jets, so the fact that Mike Gillis went out and got another bear fighter to take his place was amusing.

Booth discussed his bear hunting on Hockey Night in Canada After Hours, talking about how the black bears he hunts “eat up all the blueberries, and we don’t want that.” We chuckled. How quaint. And heck, even when Booth tweeted on Monday that he was “In Alberta trying to kill a few Bruins,” we laughed and made jokes about how we hoped he wasn’t sitting outside Alberta-born Johnny Boychuk’s house.

But then on Tuesday Booth actually tweeted a photo of a dead black bear and suddenly everything got real and everyone was horrified.

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Amazing Fan Video: Watch Roberto Luongo tribute ‘Live Forever’ and get all emotional and stuff

For my money, the relationship between Roberto Luongo and the city of Vancouver has never been healthy. When you stop and think about it, it’s always sort of seemed like two people headed for a failed marriage.

First, there were the initial stages, when the City was over the moon for the guy, maybe even infatuated in an unhealthy way. We’d never been treated this well by anyone. That warped into a panic that he was too good for us and he might realize it and leave, which caused us to clamour for a promise, a marriage we weren’t quite ready for, a contract lasting forever. Not long after we got it, our fickle, immature hearts turned once again, and we realized how long “forever” truly was. Suddenly the whole thing soured, as we settled into routine. Then came the hardships, as the rigours of marriage (in this case, the Chicago Blackhawks) made him look human. Suddenly, the infatuation was lost, and that thrilling fear that he might leave us was replaced by a dull wish that he would. (How did New Jersey make it look so easy? Marriage is hard.)

Then someone new came along, and we felt that initial rush of excitement and infatuation for the first time in years. We wanted out, but we felt guilty asking, so we treated the guy like dirt in the hopes that he would suggest we end it. Then he did, and as we realized a major point in our lives was coming to an abrupt end, we began to re-examine the whole relationship, and suddenly found the lost memories of when we loved him the way we love the new suitor now. We couldn’t help but look back and wistfully reminisce about how it used to be.

It looks to me like Canuck nation has arrived at that final stage, the outpouring of all that lost emotion. As we approach the seeming end of Luongo’s tenure in Vancouver, I’d expect many more touching Roberto Luongo tributes like this one, titled “Live Forever”.

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The continuing adventures of Roberto Luongo’s super-secret suspected Twitter account

April has been a rough month for Roberto Luongo. On the 5th, he was pulled in favour of Cory Schneider in a game versus the Anaheim Ducks, and the Rogers Arena fans jeered him as he left the crease. In the playoffs, he was one of the Canucks’ best players in their first two games and for this, he was replaced by Schneider once again, never getting back into the goal.

Then, he watched from the bench as the Canucks were eventually eliminated in just 5 games, leading to a long offseason full of speculation, much of which will be focused on him. Has he tended goal in Vancouver for the last time? This week, he admitted he would waive his no-trade clause if asked, then a report surfaced that he had asked to be asked, so… perhaps. It’s an unstable time for the man either way.

But, if there’s one thing about Luongo that remains a constant, it’s that his super-secret suspected Twitter account will remain one of the best things on the Internet.

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Roberto Luongo’s suspected, hilarious, meta-tweeting spree continues

Until proven otherwise, we at PITB are going to press on with our conviction that the @strombone1 account is owned and operated by one Roberto Luongo. As it stands, the evidence is on our side, as is the comedic value the account provides.

Recently, we noted that Luongo had taken to tweeting at a fake Roberto Luongo account to make jokes at his own expense. Last week, he effectively wished himself a happy birthday this way and later made a backhanded comment about Don Cherry’s tendency to mispronounce his name.

Over the weekend, Luongo employed this comedic trope three more times, all to amusing effect.

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The suspected Roberto Luongo Twitter account is mocking us

Now, despite plenty of convincing evidence, we can’t say for certain that @strombone1 is the Twitter account of one Roberto Luongo, but this no doubt how the Canucks’ netminder prefers it. Considering the way Canuck fans treat him these days, not to mention the way they chased Mike Duco off Twitter, or the horrible, misogynistic garbage they said to Theo Fleury and, more recently, Brittany Carnegie, you can understand why Luongo might choose to keep his Twitter account shrouded in mystery.

It’s also just funnier that way, and Luongo knows it.

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