Normally, when we feature videos on Pass it to Bulis, they are made by other people. Not this one. This is a PITB original. I should clarify: Harrison might want to avoid all association with this video, because it contains a very silly song and Harrison is a very serious person. Not me: I revel in silliness.

You see, when I’m not writing about hockey, I often write comic book-inspired songs under the name Hooray for Gooba about evil twins, dinosaur fighters in space, big-headed supervillains, and time travel shenanigans. This weekend, however, I wrote a different type of song. A love song. A Trevor Linden love song.

And now I want to share it with all of you.

It’s no surprise to fans that the Canucks powerplay is struggling. After an incredible start to the season that saw the team once again lead the league in powerplay percentage, it crashed and burned in the second half of the season. The powerplay was 4-for-42 in their last 10 games, and that’s just an arbitrary round number of games to select. Other than a 4-for-11 outburst against the Boston Bruins, the Canucks powerplay hasn’t truly been good since December.

On Friday night against the Los Angeles Kings, however, the team’s pwowerplay woes went from troubling to truly disastrous. On two Willie Mitchell holding penalties, the Canucks not only couldn’t score, but also gave up two shorthanded goals to Dustin Brown. It’s gotten to the point that fans everywhere wish the team could just decline the penalty and continue to play 5-on-5, where the Canucks have actually outscored the Kings 4-3 in the first two games.

Considering most people still think of the Canucks as a team that tries to draw penalties and beat you on the powerplay, including the Canucks themselves, it’s not surprising that this power outage has led to an identity crisis in Vancouver. Something needs to change and the Canucks can’t count on the return of Daniel Sedin. According to Kristin Reid, not only will Daniel not be travelling to Los Angeles with the team, he won’t be back for the rest of the series.

The Canucks may need to do something drastic. Here are 10 crazy ideas to fix the powerplay:

In case you haven’t noticed, Vancouver fans and media can be a fickle bunch. The Canucks’ struggles over the last several weeks have everyone on edge, looking for the slightest provocation to heap scorn and ridicule on the boys in blue and green. (For instance, if your psyche is the least bit frail, I don’t recommend reading Tony Gallagher’s recent columns, as they will likely send you into a funk that is funkier than Bootsy Collins on bass).

For Alain Vigneault, however, the vitriol has been aimed his way all season. According to some fans, Vigneault is hanging on to the Canucks’ coaching job by his fingertips and every single one of his decisions is a foot smashing down on his fingers. According to these fans, if the Canucks don’t make it to the Western Conference Final, Vigneault should be fired. If they don’t make the Stanley Cup Final, Vigneault should be fired. If they don’t win the Stanley Cup, Vigneault should be fired fired fired.

None of these things are legitimate reasons to fire Alain Vigneault, but don’t worry Vigneault-haters: we have 16 legitimate reasons to fire him.

With only a month to go until the 2012 NHL trade deadline, you can expect to come across a ton of absurd Canuck-related trade rumours in the next 30 days. Anywhere from most to all of these rumours will not come true. This is because the majority are fabricated by people with no more inside information than you have. They have absolutely no source, and they derive their rumours from either sheer fabrication, simple logic, or an uneasy marriage of both. The best of these rumours are then disseminated as possibilities. Fabricating a Canucks’ trade rumour only takes a few minutes, and if done correctly, can provide untold amusement.

You may have noticed over the last few days that fans of the Boston Bruins and fans of the Vancouver Canucks disagree on a lot of things, such as the anatomical location of knees. All this animosity was briefly entertaining, but it has quickly grown tiresome instead as fans on both sides seem to have forgotten basic human decency, such as viewing fans of other teams as human.

That’s why I think it’s time to find some common ground. I’m guessing that Canucks and Bruins fans, being fellow members of the human race, actually have a lot more in common than either group thinks.

Here are 15 things that both Canucks fans and Bruins fans can agree on:

Let’s be honest: any NHL team can beat any other NHL team on any given night, so there’s no shame in the Canucks losing a one-goal game to either the Columbus Blue Jackets or the Carolina Hurricanes. Granted, the Jackets are no longer the Western Conference’s worst team only by virtue of beating Vancouver, and the Hurricanes remain laughingstock of the Eastern Conference, but league parity allows for one-offs of this sort.

Still, if you can’t beat at least one of these teams in consecutive games, there is a little shame to be had. But it could be worse. Consider the following doomsday scenarios.

Last night’s game against the Minnesota Wild was absolutely miserable, a nearly unwatchable mess that saw the Canucks give up 45 shots on net, with a large number of them being golden scoring opportunities. After two big wins against the Capitals and Flames, it looked like the Canucks had put their early season struggles behind them, but last night demonstrated that this might not have been the case.

Kevin Bieksa described the game as “one of the worst performances I have been part of in this jersey” and it’s hard to argue with him. Fortunately, that game is over. Seriously. It ended last night. It’s over forever. Stop thinking about it. Tonight is a brand new game against a brand new team. It cannot possibly be as bad at that game.

Want to know why we’re so certain tonight’s game will be better? We have compiled 20 reasons.

Today is October 31st, which means it’s time for the greatest costume-themed holiday of the year: Halloween! If you don’t have a costume yet, you might be in trouble. You don’t want to be one of those lame people who shows up at a party without a costume, or worse, a nametag with someone else’s name on it or a t-shirt that says “This is my costume.” But, because you’re either lazy or forgetful, you don’t have a lot of time to put a costume together.

Since you’re reading Pass it to Bulis, I’m going to assume a couple things about you: you are a refined person with great taste and you are a Canucks fan. You’re going to need to leave your taste behind temporarily – you don’t have time for it – but since you are a Canucks fan, we’ve created some ideas for last-minute Canucks-themed Halloween costumes.

The Ottawa Senators are taking advantage of the connection to their fans provided by social media to allow said fans to pick the team’s 2011-12 goal song on Facebook. It’s a fun idea that gives the fans an opportunity to have a say in something that will be a celebratory moment that brings the team and fans together. The goal song can be a galvanizing force for a fanbase: witness the way Blackhawks fans have rallied around “Chelsea Dagger” for instance.

Fans have five options to choose from, all having “a great chorus that fans can chant along to.” The only issue for the Senators is that they left the voting open to anyone who “likes” them on Facebook. Yes, anyone. That of course turned into anyone-who-doesn’t-like-the-Senator-or-at-least-wants-them-to-have-a-terrible-goal-song. So, pretty much everyone.

Nickelback and their song “Burn it to the Ground” currently lead the voting, largely thanks to the non-Senators-fan contingent of the voting public. But personally, I’m disappointed in the selection of songs to choose from. Here are some better options for the Senators:

Like Neo in the Matrix, Nathan Horton wants his phone call. The Bruins forward is evidently upset that Aaron Rome texted him an apology rather than calling him on the phone. While this could easily be seen as sour grapes, particularly after Horton still won the Stanley Cup, I can understand wanting a slightly more personal apology. What I don’t understand is dragging it out into the open in the media.

Today in quotes taken out of context: Dallas Stars’ forward Steve Ott observes that his colleagues have been indulging in oversized desserts.

Daniel Carcillo, Chicago’s newest tough guy, is a stereotypical goon, right down to the fact that he doesn’t quite exude knowledge and wisdom. When asked about the rivalry with the Canucks in his introductory press conference, for instance, he showed that he wasn’t fully caught up on the offseason roster moves of his new nemesis.

But this story has been severely underreported. It turns out that Carcillo made a bevy of other questionable, somewhat misinformed comments at his press conference. Great news, too: we at PITB got our hands on a complete transcript, and we’ve compiled his top 20 quotes right here:

Some of you may remember the offseason-amplified controversy over Mike Duco’s Twitter account, in which it was learned that the newly-acquired Vancouver winger had made some incendiary tweets regarding the Stanley Cup finalist Canucks prior to being traded to them. In a heel turn of epic proportions, we featured these tweets on the blog, which led to a surge of vitriol directed Mike Duco’s way, which led to the unfortunate deletion of his Twitter account, which, finally, led to a surge of vitriol directed our way.

Much of this vitriol was hilarious, but none moreso than the vendetta against PITB launched by Carolina forward Anthony Stewart, a former teammate of Duco’s with the Rochester Americans. The morning after tweeting, The man had to delete his twitter… #Bringback@Duco87 tell @passittobulis to write that in his blog, Stewart woke up still angry, and proceeded to name July 15, 2011, National don’t pass it to Bulis day, (a holiday we are certain to observe in the coming years). I’d rather dump in on a breakaway than pass it to Bulis, Stewart wrote, then proceeded to use this same basic formula for a lengthy series of scathing tweets.

Kevin Bieksa makes a mean “mean face”. You’ve probably seen it. At some point, during the game, something rubs Juice the wrong way, and he flashes a trademark sneer, except sneer is too passive a description — it’s more of a mental defenestration. With yesterday’s announcement that the Canucks have re-signed Juice through 2016 (with a no-trade clause, for which he apologized to fans who will need to plug someone else into their rumours), it gives me great joy to say that pictures of Kevin Bieksa boiling with bubbling hate will be a staple in this city for the next five years. Here are five good ones, just to whet your appetite.

In 1994, the Vancouver Canucks went to the Stanley Cup Final and lost in 7 games. The city responded with a shameful riot. Now, in 2011, the Canucks went to the Stanley Cup Final and lost in 7 games. The city responded with an even more shameful riot. The synchronicity is truly astounding. So what if the future holds the same fate for this season’s Canucks as it did the ’94 Canucks? What is Vancouver’s fate? What will happen in the next 5 years?

It’s a stressful time right now. With Game 7 just a few hours away, fans of the Vancouver Canucks are slightly on edge. After 106 games played, the entire season rides on just one game. Fans are filled with questions: which Roberto Luongo will show up tonight? Is there more than one Roberto Luongo? How many Roberto Luongos are there? Which one takes long walks on the seawall? Are all the Roberto Luongos married? Do you think a girl like me would have a chance with a guy like him?

Yesterday, we presented a funny little photo that depicted Cory Schneider in what appeared to be the the climax of a blistering air guitar solo. It was a sweet pic. We had some fun with it, soliciting photoshops from our readers that put the imagined axe into his hands. The results were, as the kids say, “cool beans.” So here are some more.

The truth is, of course, that it doesn’t truly matter how a team wins the Stanley Cup, though I might object if the Canucks began wielding chainsaws and dismembering their opponents. If the Canucks win the Cup, people will remember Burrows more for his overtime gamewinning goals than his biting incident. Lapierre will be the player who scored the only goal in a crucial Game 5 victory. Luongo will be hailed for his 2 (or more) shutouts in the Final, Henrik will be praised for being only the second European captain to lead his team to the Cup, and it will be revealed that Kesler was playing with 72 separate injuries.

It doesn’t matter how you win; there are no style points in hockey.

But maybe there should be.

Between nasty hits, high sticks, crosschecks, a finger-biting trend, and misconducts galore, it’s probably safe to say that the Stanley Cup Final has been a chippy affair. Though there’s always some concern when two teams that don’t often see each other often meet, Vancouver and Boston never struggled to generate bad blood. However, it’s been my understanding that, any time hatred appears this strong, it’s powered by an equally strong undercurrent of love. After 10 days in one another’s company, is it hyperbole to say that Vancouver and Boston have actually become best friends forever? Certainly not. Truth is, while the media is busy telling stories of the dirty, overrated, and unlikable Canucks, much of their ammunition has come by way of misreporting on Vancouver’s many, many random acts of kindness. Here are eleven genial gestures that have been misconstrued.

Even now, after stymieing the Canucks for two straight games, Tim Thomas remains a difficult Stanley Cup Final player to hate. He’s just too much of a character. Certainly, Canuck fans are upset about his Game 3 bodycheck on Henrik Sedin or his Game 4 fracas with Alex Burrows but, truth is, as infuriating as Tim Thomas can be when he’s the opponent, the Boston keeper remains charmingly strange. If Roberto Luongo pulled like-minded stunts on the regular, we’d love him forever.

At PITB, we’re beginning to wonder if we’ve even seen the apex of Thomas’s unorthodox approach to goaltending. The Bruins netminder appears to have diplomatic immunity in the eyes of NHL officials, and as of yet, he doesn’t seem fully aware of the possibilities. God help us if he clues in. With the help of exceptional artist Chloe Ezra, PITB has imagined three distinct scenarios that, implausible as they might be, seem well within Tim Thomas’s repertoire.

Game Three of the Stanley Cup Final was a debacle. That’s an unassailable fact. After a hard-fought first period where the Canucks were arguably the better team, they imploded in the second period, right around the time Alex Edler’s stick exploded. It was painful. It was ugly. It was embarrassing.

But it could have been worse. So, in honor of the 8 goals that the Bruins scored on Monday, here are 8 ways that everything could have been even more embarrassing than it was.

Despite losing the faceoff, the Canucks scored the fastest overtime playoff goal in team history on Saturday. Alex Edler created the turnover, Daniel Sedin provided the dish, and Alex Burrows supplied the finish, all in a mere 11 seconds. It all happened so fast that thousands of Canucks fans didn’t even see the goal. 11 seconds is not enough time for a bathroom break or to grab a snack from the fridge. But there are lots of things that can be accomplished in 11 seconds and it might help us understand how incredibly quick this goal truly was.

In 11 seconds…

Mike Murphy’s ruling on the Alex Burrows/Patrice Bergeron incident — in which Burrows “allegedly” bit Bergeron during a Game 1 scrum — was a little difficult for some people to accept. It wasn’t so much a question of whether or not it was a suspendable offense, however. Most of the scoffing came from the Murphy’s statement, which asserted, “I can find no conclusive evidence that Alex Burrows intentionally bit the finger of Patrice Bergeron.” No conclusive evidence? Look, I’m fine with Murphy’s decision not to suspend Burrows, but let’s get serious here. The above photo is pretty damn clear.

If Murphy can’t find proof that Burrows bit Bergeron, I’m concerned about how he might view other clear-cut instances of biting. My suspicion? Murphy has a blind spot when it comes to bites.

This whiny-looking photo of Henrik Sedin (Whinerik?) was taken just moments after the Canucks’ captain was felled by an Andrew Ference crosscheck to the ribs. The Sedins, as you might know, spend a lot of time with their backs to defenders, and as a result, their spines have evolved into diamond nanorods. Their fronts, however, are crosschecked much less often, and therefore retain the sensitivity of normal people. This hurt.

A lot of people accused Henrik Sedin of trying to sell a call here, but that’s not what I see in this photo. I see a sensitive soul singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” from a place of raw emotion. I also see a lot of other things.

Here are 20 things Henrik Sedin might be saying in this photo.

One might think that, after three NHL playoff rounds, we as Canuck fans would be pretty adept at summoning, from thin air, a bubbling hatred for Vancouver’s next postseason opponent. Unfortunately, as a Stanley Cup Final with the Boston Bruins draws near, one may find this difficult. The Bruins are tough to truly hate. The Canucks don’t see them much, so there’s little history of antagonism. All our associations go to the roots of the NHL itself, where the Bruins are seminal. They’re an original six franchise that once iced greats like Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, and Ray Bourque. Even now, Bruins like Tim Thomas, Zdeno Chara, and Vancouver-born Milan Lucic are tough for BC hockey fans to truly despise.

Left unchecked, one’s Boston-based thoughts could be downright pleasant, but one must check oneself before one wrecks oneself: the Boston Bruins are bad. They are the only team standing between the Canucks and their first Stanley Cup and there is, therefore, no room for any redeeming thoughts regarding them. If you think the Bruins are good, you had better be thinking of some other bruin — some other bear — because the Boston Bruins are bad.