Fans help David Booth name his new pet pig

It’s the offseason, which means the Canucks are off doing all sorts of things that have nothing to do with hockey, such as run secret Twitter accounts, promote Panini America, recover from shoulder surgery or, in the case of David Booth, get a new pet.

A new pet pig.

Before you get any funny ideas: no, he doesn’t plan to shoot it, and he’s not using it to lure a larger animal. Booth plans to love it. But first he has to name it, a task with which Canuck fans attempted to help Saturday night.

Naming animals is fun. The Bloggess has a kitten named Hunter S. Tomcat. My wife and I plan to eventually get a puppy and name him Werner Herzdog. In the case of David Booth, it looks like the pig will be dubbed Sir Francis Bacon. But there were some other very excellent ideas that missed the cut.

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Roberto Luongo talks to everyone; hear infamous CFox chat, watch awkward Poker News interview

Now that Ryan Suter and Zach Parise are off the market, the attention has turned to some of the NHL’s other players who might be on the move this offseason — chief amongst them, Roberto Luongo. The Canucks netminder, who has been quiet (-ish) all spring amid rumours that he’s on the way out, headed to the World Poker championships in Las Vegas this weekend (with the tab picked up by government agency PlayNow.com in a minor controversy).

Suddenly, freed from his hideout in Florida, Luongo has became super available and talkative. As a result, that vacuum of controversy, speculation and offseason rosterbation created by the Parise and Suter signings has been since filled by our old pal Funny Bob.

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As most of you know, The Twitter Needs Juice campaign came to a fruitful end two nights ago, when Kevin Bieksa finally signed up for a Twitter account. Though his first tweet was contingent upon reaching 10,000 followers, Bieksa reached the milestone within 2 hours, and the following morning, it began.

Today we began to see the fruit of our labours, as Kesler and Bieksa combined to create a moment that was briefly amusing — which is, of course, all we ever wanted.

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Nick Mangold challenges Ryan Kesler’s title as champion interview bomber

Maybe it’s the fact that Ryan Kesler’s had a little more time on his hands to learn this Twitter machine; maybe it’s that potential Canuck Owen Nolan is threatening Kesler’s default title as best Canuck tweeter by tweeting pictures of things he killed; or maybe it’s just the doldrums of August, when anything even remotely Canuck-related passes for solid gold. Whatever it is, Ryan Kesler’s Twitter account has really picked up of late. It’s actually become sort of interesting. Take, for example, yesterday’s interaction between Kesler and New York Jets’ center (and Sam Beam lookalike) Nick Mangold, who recently discovered the joys of interview bombing.

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Last night, Lady Gaga did at the VMAs what she always does, surprising everyone with a highly controversial costume. No, it wasn’t a meat dress or an egg, and there were no stiletto heels where the heels are penises for some reason — instead, Lady Gaga came to the MTV awards show dressed as the most controversial figure in recent memory: Roberto Luongo.

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If ever there was an offseason where the decision to stand pat could be considered a “bold move” (in the Gillisian sense of the word), this is it. After coming within one win of the Stanley Cup Final, the Canucks’ GM finds himself surrounded by hungry, angry, confused people — zombies, basically — that want him to make the splash that will put this team over the top. And, with the losses of Raffi Torres and Christian Ehrhoff, fans have returned to their usual offseason call for a power forward right winger and an offensive defenseman. They want a big-time acquisition.

The fans aren’t the only ones. Francesco Aquilini’s now-famous, profanity-laced tantrum following game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final showed us a man that, despite owning the team, is also a highly emotional fan. You have to imagine that he wants Gillis to make a big move as much as we do. Hell, Gillis probably does too, and he may still make one. He’s a fan of this team also, after all. You know he’d trade the future to Skynet if it meant his Canucks would see a better outcome next year. But, all things considered, it’s entirely possible — and don’t go flipping the pool when I suggest this — that the Canucks are done.

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For Vancouver hockey fans, this has been the worst summer ever. First, the Canucks made it to within one win of the Stanley Cup Final and, excruciatingly, no further. That stings. Second, the weather is the pits right now, meaning there’s little else to do but sit inside, staring at A) the window, where the summer sun should be, or B) the computer, where the Canucks.com 2011-12 preseason schedule taunts you with its imminence.

If you’re doing the latter, you may have noticed the curious bit of scheduling with which it begins. Forummer “NUCKS4CUP 28″ did, which is why he started the thread, “There’s something incredibly wrong with the preseason schedule” over at the CDC message boards. In it, he presents what appears to be evidence of an overlap between our universe and the one next to it, where all the Canucks’ road and home games are switched.

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Some of you may remember the offseason-amplified controversy over Mike Duco’s Twitter account, in which it was learned that the newly-acquired Vancouver winger had made some incendiary tweets regarding the Stanley Cup finalist Canucks prior to being traded to them. In a heel turn of epic proportions, we featured these tweets on the blog, which led to a surge of vitriol directed Mike Duco’s way, which led to the unfortunate deletion of his Twitter account, which, finally, led to a surge of vitriol directed our way.

Much of this vitriol was hilarious, but none moreso than the vendetta against PITB launched by Carolina forward Anthony Stewart, a former teammate of Duco’s with the Rochester Americans. The morning after tweeting, The man had to delete his twitter… #Bringback@Duco87 tell @passittobulis to write that in his blog, Stewart woke up still angry, and proceeded to name July 15, 2011, National don’t pass it to Bulis day, (a holiday we are certain to observe in the coming years). I’d rather dump in on a breakaway than pass it to Bulis, Stewart wrote, then proceeded to use this same basic formula for a lengthy series of scathing tweets.

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Some of you may remember the above photo of Cory Schneider from about a month back, when we discovered it after game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final. If not, get acquainted with it: it may be the most photoshoppable photo of all time. Heck, we’ve already had two full galleries of The Many Axes of Cory Schneider, and I’m still not satisfied that we’ve exhausted all the possibilities. By the end of the second gallery, the guitar angle had been relatively exhausted, but it was beginning to become apparent how perfectly Schneider was posed to handle a litany of different instruments. Keytar. Banjolin. Giant sub.

That in mind, I decided it was time to get all mavericky with the meme. And so, without further ado, I present a very special part III in the many axes of Cory Schneider series.

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Yesterday, we began our countdown of the 10 best games of the Canucks regular season, looking at top-notch tilts with the Flames, Blackhawks, Stars, Lightning, and Blue Jackets that yielded some classic and/or hilarious moments and some great entertainment overall. Today, we round out the top five, examining the best of the Canucks’ season series with a perennial powerhouse, a surprise blowout, and a nail-biter in Southern California.

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It’s time for another round of Ask it to Bulis, wherein two guys who are incredibly smart, handsome, and humble answer your questions about life, the universe, and everything. Unfortunately, no one asked us about those things, so we’re mostly just talking about hockey.

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It’s time for another round of Ask it to Bulis, wherein two guys who are incredibly smart, handsome, and humble answer your questions about life, the universe, and everything. Unfortunately, no one asked us about those things, so we’re mostly just talking about hockey.

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