I Find This Photo Odd: Apparently Keslurks come with backrubs now

As you are likely quite aware by now, Ryan Kesler has something of a habit of appearing behind people. Most of the time, he’s just sort of there, ruining interviews by filling the background with his trademark Keslurk smirk. But occasionally, he offers goods and services. Once, he offered Raffi Torres a piece of pizza, for instance. And in this odd little photo, the service appears to be a surprise back massage for Henrik Sedin.

Henrik recently became the highest-scoring Canuck in franchise history, so I guess you could say he earned it. He appears to be enjoying it, too.

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Watch ‘New Van Fan’ episodes two and three, featuring Keslurking and despair

Nine days ago, we introduced you to “New Van Fan”, a web series in which Canuck booster “Dan” attempted to teach his buddy “Andreas” the ins and outs of cheering for Vancouver’s local hockey team.

But secretly, this show isn’t just for the noob. The first episode featured valuable advice even for the long-time Canucks booster. “Don’t panic,” Dan told Andreas. “You’re going to want to panic. Don’t panic.” It’s true. Keeping an even keel is difficult for anybody rooting for the boys in blue and green. Canucks fandom throws keels askew. It’s an irregular keel you’re looking for, cheer for this team.

Anyway. Since then, we watched episode one, Dan and Andreas have already starred in episodes two and three. This show is being burned through like the last episodes of an NBC sitcom the network no longer likes. So let’s catch up.

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Ryan Kesler calls season ticket-holder, interrupts someone’s pelvic exam [VIDEO]

In the lead-up to Saturday’s opening night tilt with the Anaheim Ducks, the Canucks announced a number of fan outreach initiatives aimed at, hopefully, making fans feel a little less uneasy about returning to the loving arms of a league that just punched them in the gonads. There would be cheap food, 50% off merchandise, and a patronizing new video, but chief amongst these initiatives was the special opportunity for a season-ticket holder to drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoffs.

That season-ticket holder was selected and informed Friday. His name: Dr. Jeffrey Bell. And for an extra-special treat, the Canucks enlisted Ryan Kesler to tell the doctor. The phone call that was filmed for Canucks.com, and thank goodness they did that, because otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to prove that Kesler somehow managed to call during a pelvic exam:

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Alex Burrows’s contract extension just got Keslurked

Undeterred by his impending expendability, Alex Burrows re-upped with the Vancouver Canucks Friday, signing an extension worth $18 million. Fans were delighted to learn that they’ll get at least four more years of the finger-biting, dragon-slaying, hair-pulling former ECHLer.

The Canucks were likely delighted too, and not just because Burrows complements the Sedins so well, but because they were running out of time to get this one done. While it seemed like the two sides might be far apart earlier this week, they managed to find some middle ground just in time, inking the deal a little over an hour ahead of the 2pm deadline. (If only other negotiations could go so well, perhaps this deadline need not have even existed.)

Then, pleased as punch, they tweeted an instagrammed photo of Burrows and Jedi Laurence Gilman sneaking the extension in.

But one look at the photo shows that Burrows putting the pen to paper wasn’t the only instance of sneakery taking place.

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Stalk the Canucks on Google Earth, which, as it happens, just got Keslurked

Here’s a screenshot of Google Earth’s street view, just outside of the Hotel Valencia on Santana Row in San Jose. It’s where the Canucks stay when they travel down the coast to play the San Jose Sharks. Say, who’s that on the corner? Is that Aaron Rome? Come to think of it, the gaggle of besuited men standing around that bench looks oddly familiar too.

Let’s zoom in.

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Mike Burnstein just got Keslurked

Unless you count the one by Ryker Kesler at Canucks’ superskills, it’s been quite awhile since we’ve seen a bona fide Keslurk in Vancouver. You have to go all the way back to late October, actually, when the Canucks’ centre went on a Keslurking spree at the 2011 Sports Celebrities Festival then followed it up the next day by ruining a Jannik Hansen interview with some conspicuous weight training.

But, thanks to the latest collection of Behind the Lens photos at Canucks.com, the Keslurk is back. Here’s Kesler bombing Canucks’ head athletic trainer Mike Burnstein in Colorado while he speaks to his family back home via Facetime.

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Every breath you take, Ryan Kesler will be watching you

Way back in October, we highlighted a fantastic pump-up video of Ryan Kesler by Bhavin Solanki. It was our first encounter with Solanki’s work and we were suitably impressed. So impressed, in fact, that we jokingly requested he create a pump-up video of Keslurks set to “Every Breath You Take” by The Police. Somehow, we completely [...]

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Manny Malhotra just got Baby Keslurked

Team Blue edged Team White 14-10 at the Canucks for Kids Fund’s annual Super Skills event Sunday, with Keith Ballard winning the fastest skater, Sami Salo defending his hardest shot title, and Alex Burrows claiming the accuracy competition. But, more important than the victors in the individuals events was that the afternoon also yielded the latest, greatest Keslurk.

Manny Malhotra is the victim this time, bombed during an interview with Sportsnet’s Dan Murphy after one of the events. While the two chat, Kesler sneaks in behind them for the Keslurk. But, in a nifty new twist, the Kesler bombing the interview isn’t Ryan — it’s his one-year-old son Ryker. Bear witness to baby’s first Keslurk.

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Aaron Rome’s teammates ruin his interview, as is tradition

Things are finally looking up for Aaron Rome, who’s had a rough time of it lately, but returned to the lineup Sunday in Chicago and contributed right away. He scored a pivotal goal in his first game back, putting himself a goal away from doubling his career-high single-season totals with plenty of time to get it done. Then, the big score earned him some rare camera time with Joey Kenward for Canucks Today!

That said, don’t get too excited: his teammates made sure to give him that familiar “ruined moment” feeling by hovering in the background of the shot for pretty much the entire interview.

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Pass it to Comics: Ryan Kesler will Keslurk just about anybody

Pass it to Comics is a biweekly collaboration between PITB and cartoonist Chloe Ezra. It will run on Tuesdays and Thursdays throughout the season. Today, Ryan Kesler makes Dracula look like a chump.

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Jannik Hansen just got Keslurked

It’s official: Ryan Kesler has an addiction. Only two days after going on a Keslurking spree at the 12th annual Sports Celebrities Festival — a spree that, for many, might satisfy the urge to bomb for quite awhile — Kesler was right back at it, Keslurking Jannik Hansen’s postgame interview with Joey Kenward.

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Attendees of the 2011 Sports Celebrities Festival just got Keslurked

The Canucks were at the Vancouver Convention Centre Thursday night for the the 12th annual Sports Celebrities Festival, a charity event co-organized by the Vancouver Canucks and Special Olympics BC. The evening featured dinner, silent auctions, video games, and plenty of opportunities to pose for photos with members of the Canucks and the individual awards they won last season.

Of course, by now you probably know how this works: if Ryan Kesler is at an event where cameras are in use, he’s gonna sneak in a couple Keslurks, and Thursday night was a shenanigan-heavy affair.

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Alex Burrows just got Keslurked

We’ve been a little spoiled by the level to which Ryan Kesler has taken the Keslurking meme of late, what with the Canucks’ centre going meta and victimizing his own interviews and family photos. With the level to which our expectations have risen, it stands to reason that an old-school, subtle Keslurk — the sort in which the man is hardly noticeable — might go unnoticed.

That’s what happened last night, during Alex Burrows’s Hockey Night in Canada postgame interview. Rather than dominating the frame, Kesler’s interview bomb involves little else but a barely perceptible peer from behind a curtain.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Ryan Kesler is naked

Well, there you have it. It’s Ryan Kesler in the buff. Feast your eyes, you vultures (or gouge them out, whatever you’re into). Seems to me the “I Find This Photo Odd” tag was made for moments such as this. I’m gonna go ahead and add “Ryan Kesler has a mole on his left outer thigh” to the list of things that I wish I did not know.

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Global BC’s Chris Gailus just got Keslurked

Yesterday was Raise-a-Reader day in Vancouver, as 450 volunteers — including politicians, media, and athletes — spent the afternoon downtown selling newspapers and collecting donations in support of the Postmedia literacy campaign. Many members of the Vancouver Canucks were there, including Mason Raymond, Steven Pinizzotto, and Ryan Kesler.

This gave Global BC’s Chris Gailus the opportunity to stage a short interview with Kesler, and the two briefly discussed the importance of literacy in Kesler’s home, Kesler’s hip, and the Canucks’ hope of making it back to the Stanley Cup. But the real fun started when the interview concluded. Not ten seconds after Gailus thanked him for his time, Kesler returned to the shot to stage a yet another opportunistic Keslurk.

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Ryan Kesler to pose nude, because Ryan Kesler hates clothes

Early Wednesday morning, it was reported that Ryan Kesler will be posing nude for ESPN Magazine’s 2011 “Body Issue.” The Canucks centre will be the first NHL star to pose nude for the magazine since 2009, when Bruins captain Zdeno Chara and three members of the Edmonton Oilers appeared in the inaugural edition of the “Body Issue.”

The choice of Kesler makes sense: he was a star for the USA Olympic team, which makes him far more recognizable to ESPN’s audience than, say, any other hockey player in the world.

Oh…and he already has a tendency to remove his clothing at every opportunity.

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Ryan Kesler just got Keslurked

At first glance, this is an adorable snapshot of the family Kesler, as Ryker, Ryan, Mikayla and Andrea gather around the sofa to read a copy of Spot’s Storytime Collection. A second examination of the picture, however yields a terrifying sight in the periphery. What is that over Ryan Kesler’s right shoulder, lurking in the background of the shot, peering ominously at the Keslers on the couch? Why, it’s Ryan Kesler.

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Alexander Ovechkin just got Keslurked

There’s been some concern that Ryan Kesler’s penchant for bombing photos — an act we’ve dubbed Keslurking — was a thing of the past, but recent history indicates that’s not the case. First, there was the brief feud with New York Jets’ center Nick Mangold, who bombed a few photos of his own, necessitating a response from Kesler. Then, today, this photo surfaced from an NHL.com interview with Alex Ovechkin. It would appear Kesler’s up to his old tricks.

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Nick Mangold challenges Ryan Kesler’s title as champion interview bomber

Maybe it’s the fact that Ryan Kesler’s had a little more time on his hands to learn this Twitter machine; maybe it’s that potential Canuck Owen Nolan is threatening Kesler’s default title as best Canuck tweeter by tweeting pictures of things he killed; or maybe it’s just the doldrums of August, when anything even remotely Canuck-related passes for solid gold. Whatever it is, Ryan Kesler’s Twitter account has really picked up of late. It’s actually become sort of interesting. Take, for example, yesterday’s interaction between Kesler and New York Jets’ center (and Sam Beam lookalike) Nick Mangold, who recently discovered the joys of interview bombing.

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Shorty and Garrett Just Got Keslurked

Here’s Ryan Kesler, dropping a nasty Keslurk on John Garrett and John Shorthouse at the end of tonight’s postgame coverage. In a clever touch, Kesler does this while wearing Garrett’s old-timey goalie mask. That takes some serious planning. I mean, those things aren’t just lying around. Did Kesler break into Garrett’s house?

This is a whole new ball of wax for Kesler. Prior to this, he’s only been Keslurking teammates. Now he’s moved on to members of the broadcast team, and potentially, B&Es. He’s escalating, and he’s broadening his scope. Where will it end?

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Daniel Sedin Just Got Keslurked

Just so we’re abreast of all developments, here’s Daniel Sedin falling victim to the Keslurk, as Ryan Kesler pops up over his right shoulder at about the 30-second mark. This is a primo Keslurk, although Kesler appears at such an unnatural angle you’d think Daniel (wizard that he is) actually conjured him up. This might not be Ryan Kesler at all, but rather, a daemon with insidious, chameleonic properties.

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Obama Just Got Keslurked

Oh Ryan Kesler, you so crazy. This image, taken during the Blackhawks’ visit to the White House yesterday comes to us courtesy of egatti, Canucks.com forum photoshopper extraordinnaire.

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Ryan Kesler Thinks He is Hilarious

This latest video from Canucks.com compiles a brief history of Kesler’s interview adventures, which we have covered previously. It’s odd, it’s off-putting, and it’s endearing. Quite frankly, I love it. For once, we’re seeing a slightly less serious side to Kesler, though he’s clearly still very serious about doing as many of these background excursions as possible. He also seems to find himself incredibly funny.
What’s it all about? Does he just think he’s hilarious? Is he desperate for attention? Is it a sneaky viral ad campaign for RK17? My theory is that the enforcement of maturity on-ice has led to an outburst of immaturity off-ice. He needs an outlet and, now that he can’t verbally assault the opposition, he visually assaults his teammates.

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I Find This Video Odd: Cory Schneider just got Keslurked

At least he kept his shirt on this time, but I feel he’s overcompensating. All we ask, Kesler, is that you wear the minimum amount of clothing required to buy Doritos at a Chevron. Luongo’s mask is overdoing it.

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Topless Kesler Now a Staple of Canucks Web Content

Here’s the Canucks.com Reid Report, featuring a Dan Hamhuis interview in which Ryan Kesler, again, drifts into the frame, toplessly nourishing himself.

If you’re keeping score at home, that two Canucks.com videos this week to feature creepy, topless Ryan Kesler. Is he going for the topless hat trick? Is Kristin Reid aware that he’s committed to bogarting her interviews?

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