I Find This Photo Odd: Irrefutable proof that Henrik Sedin is not human

Daniel and Henrik Sedin have never seemed quite human and, since their arrival in Vancouver over a decade ago, there has been much speculation that this is due, in large part, to the fact that they aren’t.

There’s never been proof, however. The closest the Sedins have come to acknowledging it was in the summer of 2011, when they visited a local newspaper to do a couple of self-portraits. After completing his head shape, Henrik Sedin remarked, “I look like an alien!”

But now we have something more concrete. Recently, during a routine jaunt through the Getty Images database, I came across this Jeff Vinnick shot from January of 2012. This is it, my friends: the smoking gun. Henrik Sedin is not human.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Headless Kesler loves to dance

We’ll have plenty of time in the summer to dissect what went wrong for the Canucks this season, as it is extremely likely that it will be a long, long summer. Only three teams in NHL history have come back from a 3-0 deficit in the playoffs and the Canucks have not given fans much confidence in their ability to be the fourth.

But we’re going to save the analysis, finger-pointing, and recriminations for another day. Right now we have something far more important to do. You see, one of the photographers at Sunday’s game between the Sharks and Canucks took a humorous photo and we have no choice but to show it to you, make fun of it, and create a ludicrous photoshop out of it.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Cory Schneider finally snaps

Just how much more can Cory Schneider take?

Two years after the Canucks used their first round draft pick on Schneider in 2004, Dave Nonis traded for Roberto Luongo. Seven years later and Schneider still hasn’t surpassed Luongo on the depth chart. Nearly nine years ago, he was drafted to be the Canucks’ goaltender of the future and that future still hasn’t quite arrived yet.

It seemed all but certain that Schneider had taken over the Canucks’ net permanently when he was named the starter for game three of the 2012 playoffs against the Los Angeles Kings. Schneider was superb in all three games he played, making 97 saves on 101 shots, including 43 in the Canucks’ only win of the series. Luongo reportedly requested a trade and the speculation on his destination began.

Only, Luongo didn’t go anywhere. And now, after outplaying Schneider so far this season, Luongo looks likely to take back the number one job, or at least 1A, demoting Schneider to the dreaded 1B.

Would anyone be surprised if he just lost it? Actually, it looks like he already has.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Apparently Keslurks come with backrubs now

As you are likely quite aware by now, Ryan Kesler has something of a habit of appearing behind people. Most of the time, he’s just sort of there, ruining interviews by filling the background with his trademark Keslurk smirk. But occasionally, he offers goods and services. Once, he offered Raffi Torres a piece of pizza, for instance. And in this odd little photo, the service appears to be a surprise back massage for Henrik Sedin.

Henrik recently became the highest-scoring Canuck in franchise history, so I guess you could say he earned it. He appears to be enjoying it, too.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Jannik Hansen grinds Jordan Eberle’s business

Hockey is a rough game. Sometimes, you have to lay it all on the line, you have to sacrifice the body, you have to squeeze every ounce out of it in order to get the edge.

Of course, normally, when “the body”, refers to one’s own body. But if this photo of Jannik Hansen crushing Jordan Eberle’s junk with his forearm is any indication, occasionally, victory comes by laying, squeezing and sacrificing someone else’s body.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Kassian straddles Crawford

Throughout his brief tenure with the Vancouver Canucks, Zack Kassian has shown an impressive willingness to head to the net. It makes sense: he’s a big body, so he can take up a lot of daylight. Plus he has good hands in tight. The goalmouth is a good place for him to be.

Of course, occasionally, when you’re rushing the crease, you’re going to run into the guy that lives in there, and on Friday versus the Chicago Blackhawks, Kassian did exactly that. The result is this strange little photo.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Canucks leer at Amanda Seyfried

Doing my usual scan through the photos taken at the most recent Canucks game, I came across this one, of Manny Malhotra, Aaron Volpatti, Jason Garrison, and Dale Weise. Now, according to photo caption, this is a picture of the four of them “skating during warm-up prior to the NHL game against the Los Angeles Kings at Staples Center on January 28, 2013 in Los Angeles, California.”

Now here’s the thing: I never played hockey, so I can’t claim to be an expert on what skating looks like, but I do know a thing or two about leering, and I don’t see as much skating in this photo as I do creepy ogling.

So I asked myself: what could they be ogling?

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I Find This Photo Odd: Miikka Kiprusoff is a hanger-on

It makes plenty of sense that Zack Kassian would be the enduring story from Wednesday night’s tilt between the Canucks and the Calgary Flames. After all, the winger looked great, scoring a goal, adding the shootout winner, and looking great on the first line with the Sedins. If you were handing out report cards through the Canucks’ first three games, Kassian would likely earn an A, and his game Wednesday was undoubtedly the best of the bunch.

But still, it seems odd to me that no one is mentioning that strange moment when Mikka Kiprusoff latched onto Kevin Bieksa’s leg like a squid or a leech and refused to let go.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Kevin Bieksa is a crooner

While searching through the Canucks.com archives for poorly-dressed Canucks, I happened across a great photo of Kevin Bieksa appearing to entertain Ryan Kesler and Chris Higgins with some impromptu acapella, using his stick as a microphone. I chuckled to myself and moved on.

But then I found another one, this time using a wireless handheld water bottle.

It turns out that Bieksa simply loves to sing. We should have known: he famously burst out into song during an interview with Scott Oake and he loves playing to a crowd. Now, in the spirit of the many axes of Cory Schneider, PITB takes a look at Kevin Bieksa’s lockout plans, where he’s taking a chance on a new career as a singer.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Jannik Hansen in a beanbag chair

Here’s a photo of Jannik Hansen from the Canucks’ first-round series with the Kings. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in it. It looks like, maybe, Hansen collided with Rob Scuderi along the boards and the two went down.

But it also sort of looks like Hansen convinced Scuderi to let himself be used as a beanbag chair. The LA defender’s nickname is “The Piece”. Maybe that’s only half of it, and the second half is “Of rumpus room furniture”?

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I Find This Photo Odd: The zombie Canucks devour a linesman

Earlier this season, Chris Higgins missed time with a mysterious infection of some sort, and we at PITB immediately screamed “Zombie bite.” Of course, no one takes our opinions seriously (which is probably a good thing), so our suggestion was ignored.

But then the infection struck again, and Higgins missed even more time. A highly-resist strain of infection? Definitely zombiism, which isn’t just highly-resistant, it’s potentially virulent.

And yet still, we were ignored. Eventually, Higgins was brought back to health with antibiotics and rest and returned to the lineup, where we have secretly feared that he would pass the infection onto his teammates ever since. And, judging from this photo from the Canucks’ tilt with the Phoenix Coyotes, it would appear that our concerns were justified. I’m not sure how this isn’t a bigger story, but on Wednesday night, Chris Tanev and Sami Salo ate an official.

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I Find This Photo Odd: This guy has a problem with twins

The other day, someone brought a sign to the Canucks game that said “Edler get in my Bed-ler”. It was creepy, and it got me to thinking that it’s about time someone compiled a post of the worst and most suggestive pieces of posterboard Canuck fans have brought to Rogers Arena. So I set out to do just that, combing through image galleries for uncomfortable signage.

Along the way, I came across this sign from a playoff game between the Vancouver Canucks and the Chicago Blackhawks at the United Center. It won’t make it into the eventual post of suggestive signs, of course, because it’s not suggestive. It is, however, hilariously vague.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Sad Cody is a lot like Sad Keanu, but sadder

Photographers take photos, but the best photographers tell stories. In sports photography, if you want your photos to be used, you’ll take shots that complement the stories already being told. The Canucks are slumping? Take photos of the team looking down. Roberto Luongo’s struggling? Take photos of the man on his belly — there will be numerous opportunities. Cody Hodgson’s centering fourth line while Mason Raymond’s getting sexy top-six icetime despite far less production?

Take a photo of Raymond and Hodgson on either side of the Sedins, with Raymond watching the results of a shift with the Sedins on the Jumbotron while Hodgson stares straight ahead, clearly miserable.

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I Find This Photo Odd: The Sedins do self-portraits

The Sedins had a pretty eventful offseason. It started with a riot. Then, a week later, they flew to Las Vegas, where Daniel Sedin was awarded both the Ted Lindsay and Art Ross trophies. In Sweden, they did some serious inline skating. And in July, they flew to the Swedish island of Öland, where they were awarded the Victoriastipendiet — effectively, the Swedish athlete of the Year award. Daniel and Henrik were the first hockey players to win the award since Peter Forsberg in 1994, and only the third since the award debuted in 1979. Elite company.

While the Sedins were in Öland, the identical twins were asked by Östran, a local newspaper, to take part in a strange experiment: draw self-portraits, in order to see if those would be identical too. I can’t believe I only found this now, but here are the results.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Kevin Bieksa is a big blowhard

Last postseason, Kevin Bieksa caught flack for dropping the gloves with San Jose Sharks’ forward Patrick Marleau. Sure, Marleau initiated the fight in an ill-advised attempt to showcase his toughness and recently-questioned guts, but the mismatch was so evident that Bieksa was criticized just for acquiescing the request.

In retrospect, it was even more of a mismatch than we thought. As it turns out, Bieksa doesn’t even need to throw punches to knock Marleau off his feet. He can do it with little more than a mighty exhalation.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Chris Higgins shows no emotion

I’m not entirely sure what to make of this picture of Chris Higgins. At first glance, it’s just a normal shot of a guy, maybe at the end of the shift, maybe just waiting for puck to drop. But on a closer examination, it becomes difficult to determine just what emotion he’s wearing on his face. It could be anything. Hunger? Thirst? Ennui? Disappointment? Jealousy? Zombiism? One simply cannot know.

But I must. And thus, I decided to splice Higgins into a handful of images, just to see if, perhaps, I could find one well-suited to his vacant stare. What follows are my best guesses.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Bieksa and Tootoo do the lift

If you’re a female, chances are you’ve seen Dirty Dancing. Heck, if you’re a male that’s ever been in a relationship you wanted to maintain (or consummate), you’ve probably seen it too. That in mind, it stands to reason that both Kevin Bieksa and Jordin Tootoo have seen Dirty Dancing.

If you need more proof than that, I present the odd little photo above, in which the aforementioned pair awkwardly recreate the film’s iconic lift from the final dance number.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Ryan Kesler climbs the net

Thursday night’s 6-5 Canuck loss versus the Nashville Predators was jam-packed with oddities. There was the offensive outburst, as the two teams combined for 11 goals, only three fewer than their entire season series last year. There was the goalie no-show, as Cory Schneider’s hot streak came to a screeching halt with 3 goals on 5 shots and Roberto Luongo only fared marginally better. And, of course, there was that strange little moment when Ryan Kesler scaled the net.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Ryan Kesler, slappin’ de bass

Some of you may remember the photo of Cory Schneider that we turned into three galleries worth of the backup netminder playing every stringed instrument under the sun with the gusto of Andrew Bird. Not simply content to splice guitars into his hands, we shopped in lutes, dulcimers, keytars, and a giant submarine sandwich. It was really stupid.

That said, it’s also the bread and butter of PITB. If we see a photo in which a guy looks like he’s playing an invisible guitar or relaxing on an invisible couch, well, we’re gonna chop the missing item in. It’s with that ethos in mind that we present this Ryan Kesler photo.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Dale Weise’s invisible couch

Dale Weise appears to have found a home in Vancouver. Claimed off waivers after struggling to crack the New York Rangers’ lineup for nearly half a decade, he’s become a major part of a revamped Canucks’ fourth line that’s getting icetime and contributing in a way we’re simply not used to in Vancouver. The gritty winger looks comfortable.

Case in point: this photo, in which Weise appears to be having a lie-down on an invisible couch. Comfortable, yes, but this is too comfortable. Regardless of how settled you might feel, Dale Weise, it is unacceptable to lounge on unseen living room furniture during shifts.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Cory Schneider will kill you

We spoke earlier today about the Snack Goal principle, our explanation for that curiously frequent occurrence where the Canucks lose their shutout bid within the final ten minutes of games, and we made sure to point out that it wasn’t a Luongo-only phenomenon: Cory Schneider’s in on it too. Of course, that’s the only time during any game when Cory Schneider’s even remotely forgiving of shots in his direction. Try to score on him any other time, and he will kill you.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Dan Hamhuis will kick you

Canuck fans got a taste of Dan Hamhuis’s skillset last season, as he smoothly transitioned into the team’s top defense pairing, providing a steadying presence for Kevin Bieksa and, with him, establishing one of the league’s most effective shutdown duos.

But have we seen all Dan Hamhuis has to offer? No, and I’m not talking about the promising offensive flourishes he’s shown through two games this season. I’m talking about the karate.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Ryan Kesler is naked

Well, there you have it. It’s Ryan Kesler in the buff. Feast your eyes, you vultures (or gouge them out, whatever you’re into). Seems to me the “I Find This Photo Odd” tag was made for moments such as this. I’m gonna go ahead and add “Ryan Kesler has a mole on his left outer thigh” to the list of things that I wish I did not know.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Mason Raymond is a shot ruiner

Here’s an excellent photo by Bruce Bennett of Getty Images in which he captures every player from both the Atlanta Thrashers and Vancouver Canucks’ benches watching the action at the far end of the ice.

Everyone, that is, except for Mason Raymond, who, with this photo, destroys any chance he had of ever being hired as a film extra.

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Did you know that Sami Salo eats gloves? Yeah. He totally does. It’s a nerves thing. Don’t believe me? I have proof. Here’s a photo of Sami Salo in which, if I’m reading his facial expression correctly, he finds his gloves tantalizingly delicious-looking. They call to him. “Put me in your belly,” they say, and he is powerless to resist their call. I heard that, sometimes, at Christmas parties, Sami Salo steals into the coatroom, and when he comes back, there are bits of yarn in his teeth.

I’m not really sure there’s any other explanation for this photo, which I find exceedingly odd. Unless, maybe, he thinks his gloves are fondant-lidded sprinkle-sided vanilla lemon cakes? That’s a common mistake, right?

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