Kevin Bieksa does the weather on Global Morning News; breaking: he’s bad at it (VIDEO)

Clearly, picking up a parking ticket hasn’t discouraged Kevin Bieksa from visiting to UBC. Last week, it was announced that he and his Buddies — a team that includes Jannik Hansen, Cory Schneider, Willie Mitchell and some other special guests — would be playing a charity game versus the UBC Thunderbirds on October 17th. Tickets went on sale Saturday morning, and because this market is absolutely starved for Canucks hockey, and because it’s only a 5000-seat stadium, they were sold out by Saturday afternoon.

On Tuesday, Bieksa appeared on Global’s Morning News to discuss the already sold-out event, the lockout and, in a surprise turn, do the weather. This might not come as much of a surprise to you, but Bieksa is a lot better at starting the breakout than he is at forecasting the week.

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Kevin Bieksa pranks interviewer, does an entire interview pretending to be Ryan Kesler

We’ve said it time and time again this season: Kevin Bieksa is a blogger’s dream. Every single one of his interviews yields some sort of comedy gold, from animal nicknames to milk hot dogs to LMFAO references and beyond. But a recent interview he did with Mike Dunsmore of Fox Sports is the best thing he’s ever given us.

You see, for the duration of the interview, Bieksa pretends to be Ryan Kesler. Dunsmore approached Bieksa after the Canucks’ Game 4 win in Los Angeles, thinking that’s who he was. And Bieksa, recognizing the gift-wrapped prank the moment he saw it, just went with it. What follows are 2:40 of fall off your chair hilarity.

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On Dustin Brown’s hit, and the Canucks’ much-maligned ‘response’

Apart from the scoreboard reading 1-0 when the final horn sounded, there wasn’t a single image in the Canucks and Kings Game 3 tilt quite as scary as a stunned Henrik Sedin weakly knocking at the bench door after being rocked by Dustin Brown.

It was a clean hit. Still, it was a huge hit that, as far as anyone knew at the time, had knocked Henrik out of the game and potentially the series. And thus, it necessitated a “response.”

Ah, the rhetoric of the response. It seems to me that when hockey fans call for a response, they’re hoping that the offending party will be beaten within an inch of his life but that he’ll emerge from it with little more than a lesson learned, effectively deterred and uninjured.

From what I gather, public sentiment is that the response the Canucks mounted wasn’t appropriate. This leads me to wonder what, exactly, Canuck fans wanted instead.

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Bieksa and Kesler fan videos are a crazed fever dream

With the Canucks down 3-0 in their first round series against the Los Angeles Kings, fans are looking for something to distract them from their favourite team’s playoff woes. Fortunately, these two fan videos for Kevin Bieksa and Ryan Kesler are plenty distracting.

Originally made back in May of 2011 for last year’s run to the Stanley Cup Final, they somehow escaped our notice. I have no idea how we missed them first time around, because they are completely insane and awesome.

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Video: The Canucks give parenting advice to Mason Raymond, first-time father-to-be

After a suffering a gruesome back injury in game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final, Mason Raymond began skating again just this past October. But skating wasn’t the only strenuous activity he returned to in the early fall: around that same time, he also sired a firstborn.

The Raymonds are expecting their first child, a boy, in about a month, which means now is the time to be accruing as much knowledge as possible about their impending parenthood. With that in mind, the ever-helpful Derek Jory took to the Canucks’ locker room to elicit some advice for the first-time father-to-be.

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PITB is famous: Kevin Bieksa thinks we’re Jan Bulis

Kevin Bieksa and Zack Kassian were Saturday night’s guests on After Hours, the interview segment of CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada telecast that, under Scott Oake’s watchful eye, touches briefly on hockey then hastily devolves into shenanigans. In Bieksa’s case, between joining Twitter, the Bieksa family golf tournament, milk hot dogs, “Angry Bieksa”, and the glove-throwing incident, that meant there was a lot of ground to cover. Seriously, Scott Oake could have just prepared for this interview by clicking the “Bieksa” tag on Pass it to Bulis.

Heck, he might have, since we got a whole lot of love during the segment. At 13:50 of the clip, the topic turned to Bieksa’s Twitter account and the controversy over who deserves credit for convincing him to sign up for it. Was it Ryan Kesler, who no doubt has the inside track here, or was PITB’s highly-persuasive and tightly-run “Twitter Needs Juice” campaign? Oake took the opportunity to do some serious investigative journalism on the matter.

Sadly, Bieksa dismissed our influence. “I don’t succumb to peer pressure,” he said. “It wasn’t this Bulis guy. It was Kes that got me.” Of course, then he claims that Kesler “got” him by promising fans the account would tweet once it had 10,000 followers. So, we’re considered peer pressure, but 10,000 expectant fans isn’t? Clearly, we have underestimated our power. Let it be known that Kevin Bieksa finds us threatening.

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The Canucks are much fightier than last year: Top 5 fights of the season

A weird thing happened over the weekend: Don Cherry, that great defender of toughness in hockey, actually called the Canucks tough. I’m not joking. It actually happened.

The main (and only) reason that this is significant is that Cherry is the king of the surface-level observation. He seems to look at something once, get an impression, and immediately have a take. If Cherry’s first impression is that the Canucks are a tougher team and that “Boston’s not going to push them around any more” that is a positive for the Canucks, because that means that other teams are getting that same impression. If “toughness” and “Canucks” can be put together in people’s minds more often, that can only benefit the team.

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Spitballin’ on Bieksa throwing a glove, Burrows and O’Brien’s odd relationship, and stuff Canucks fans say

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

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Video: Relive Kevin Bieksa’s game-tying goal from the perspective of an Avalanche fan

I can’t be the only one that still remembers the Canucks’ 2-1 overtime loss to the San Jose Sharks on January 20, 2009. You might recall: this was the game that drove Canuck fan Richard Beach to flip out, swear off the team in an angry letter, and cancel his cable. Granted, it was an overreaction, but the frustration he felt was understandable: in dire need of a rallying win after eight straight losses, the Canucks had been trapping their tails off, desperately hanging onto a lead against the superior Sharks for nearly the entire game.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t hang on, and not long after Devin Setoguchi sent the game into overtime with a goal in the final minute, Patrick Marleau scored the game-winner.

If you remember that game, think back to the disappointment you felt and consider that Coloradans likely felt a similar disappointment after Kevin Bieksa’s game-tying goal Saturday. The only thing more frustrating than being a Canuck fan for most of Saturday afternoon’s win in Colorado? Being an Avalanche fan at the end of it.

You can really hear that frustration in the goal call by Colorado play-by-play announcer Mike Haynes.

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Canucks for Kids Fund helps launch in memory of Rick Rypien

One of the main reasons I appreciate the Vancouver Canucks so much is the work they do in the community. Whether it’s large donations like those made by the Sedin twins to BC Children’s hospital or helping to build a playground at a school in Burnaby, the Canucks are constantly and personally involved in charity work around the city of Vancouver and province of British Columbia.

On Tuesday, the team announced that the Canucks for Kids Fund (CFKF) is helping to launch, a resource website to increase awareness and understanding of mental illness. The website will be part of the legacy of Rick Rypien, who passed away last August after a long struggle with depression.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Kevin Bieksa is a big blowhard

Last postseason, Kevin Bieksa caught flack for dropping the gloves with San Jose Sharks’ forward Patrick Marleau. Sure, Marleau initiated the fight in an ill-advised attempt to showcase his toughness and recently-questioned guts, but the mismatch was so evident that Bieksa was criticized just for acquiescing the request.

In retrospect, it was even more of a mismatch than we thought. As it turns out, Bieksa doesn’t even need to throw punches to knock Marleau off his feet. He can do it with little more than a mighty exhalation.

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Kevin Bieksa’s custom mad lib on his life story, milk hot dogs and his animal nickname

There are plenty of reasons why the opposition might dislike Kevin Bieksa (the photo above, for instance, depicts him taunting the TD Garden crowd after the Canucks’ recent win in Boston), but for local bloggers like ourselves, he’s a godsend.

From his decision to join Twitter (as per our campaign) to the milk hot dogs thing to the disclosure of the Canucks’ grand and hallowed tradition of animal nicknames, Juice has been feeding us gold all year long, and during a slow news cycle like the one we’re currently experiencing, Bieksa’s contributions are even more appreciated.

Our pal Derek Jory recently played Alex Haley to Bieksa’s Malcolm X, collaborating on a custom mad lib that provides insight into many of Bieksa’s running gags, as well as valuable hockey advice (“Wear a jock, but never pee in it”) and thought-provoking handshake safety questions (“With so many diseases, should we adopt the ‘head bow’?”). Be sure to Read Bieksa’s full mad lib at, but let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

Here’s Bieksa and Jory on milk hot dogs (which 2012 is apparently the year of):

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I Find This Video Odd: Kevin Bieksa says ‘Milk hot dogs’ during interview, wins a bet

Anyone following the Canucks should know by now that even the most commonplace Kevin Bieksa interview can yield unexpected laughs, so it should come as no surprise that the Canucks D-man was able to light up the Twitterverse during a brief pregame chat with Dan Murphy Thursday.

When asked about the burgeoning rivalry with the San Jose Sharks, whom the Canucks defeated the night before, he said:

“We definitely have a rivalry with them that’s kinda escalated a bit, and they’ve got a couple milk hot dogs on their team, and … *laughter* … it makes for some fun games though, that’s for sure.”

Yes. He said “Milk hot dogs”.

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Kevin Bieksa chats with Jeff O’Neill about Christmas, team IQ, and Mason Raymond’s forgiveness

For a while now, Kevin Bieksa has boasted a reputation as one of the best quotes in hockey. The man can respond to even the driest of questions with a hilarious one-liner. And if he gets a juicier question, well, there’s a reason he’s called Juice — he’s right in his element.

So you had to know his appearance on 99.3 The Fox’s Jeff O’Neill show was going to be appointment listening. Those guys couldn’t care less about the game. They’re only out to get him saying funny things.

Granted, I cringe every time O’Neill and Co. call Bieksa “Boom Boom”, and I double-cringed when they tried to call his kids “Boombinos”. But there’s enough gold here to forgive them this trespass. The 10-minute interview is jam-packed with laugh-out loud moments.

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I Find This Photo Odd: Bieksa and Tootoo do the lift

If you’re a female, chances are you’ve seen Dirty Dancing. Heck, if you’re a male that’s ever been in a relationship you wanted to maintain (or consummate), you’ve probably seen it too. That in mind, it stands to reason that both Kevin Bieksa and Jordin Tootoo have seen Dirty Dancing.

If you need more proof than that, I present the odd little photo above, in which the aforementioned pair awkwardly recreate the film’s iconic lift from the final dance number.

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Pass it to Comics: Where Bieksa’s nickname really comes from

Pass it to Comics is a biweekly collaboration between PITB and cartoonist Chloe Ezra. It will run on Tuesdays and Thursdays throughout the season. Today, after learning that Kevin Bieksa didn’t get the nickname “Juice” from actual juice or his muscles , we begin to unravel the mystery.

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To those looking for evidence to back up the claim that rivalries are made in the playoffs, look no further than the antagonism between the Canucks and the Blackhawks, who have faced each other in three consecutive postseasons.

No, there’s no love lost between these two organizations.

It’s no surprise. Good and evil have clashed since the dawn of time, and when one team is objectively good, such as the Canucks, and one team is objectively bad, such as the Blackhawks, acrimony is all but guaranteed.

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It’s very easy to look at the Canucks’ 2-3-1 start and place a large portion of blame on their goaltender, Roberto Luongo. After all, his 3.70 GAA and .856 SV% places him near the bottom of the league. This is one of those cases, however, where the stats don’t tell the whole story. The defensive breakdowns in front of the Canucks’ goaltenders have been a major contributor to the Canucks’ struggles so far and it’s clear that the coaching staff is thinking the same thing.

The juggling of defence pairings has begun in earnest, as even last season’s stalwart duo of Dan Hamhuis and Kevin Bieksa, or HamJuice as they’re affectionately known, have been split up. The reasoning is simple: the Canucks just don’t have enough right side defencemen.

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One of the biggest events of the Canucks’ off-season had nothing to do with a trade or a signing. Instead, it was Kevin Bieksa joining twitter after a long, PITB-led campaign. Bieksa’s addition to Twitter immediately bore comedy fruit thanks to an over-sized boot in a Colorado airport.

After that, it was a bit of a slow start: while he took a shot at Luongo that was mildly amusing and let his feelings be known about all the boarding penalties being seen in the pre-season, there just wasn’t the wit we were hoping for. Then this weekend, things turned around in a big way.

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As most of you know, The Twitter Needs Juice campaign came to a fruitful end two nights ago, when Kevin Bieksa finally signed up for a Twitter account. Though his first tweet was contingent upon reaching 10,000 followers, Bieksa reached the milestone within 2 hours, and the following morning, it began.

Today we began to see the fruit of our labours, as Kesler and Bieksa combined to create a moment that was briefly amusing — which is, of course, all we ever wanted.

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As many of you know, we at PITB have been actively campaigning to get Kevin Bieksa, one of the league’s quippiest quote-machines, to join Twitter since mid-May. We made a convincing case, started a pathetic petition, commissioned campaign art, and even sent members of the mainstream media to press the Canucks’ defensemen directly.

It appears to have paid off. Ladies and gentlemen: Twitter got juice.

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Today in the every goal series, we look at Kevin Bieksa, the much-maligned Canuck defender who fought off trade rumours and two seasons of spotty play to re-win the hearts of Vancouver fans.

But make no mistake: Bieksa didn’t quite return to form last season. Rather, he reinvented himself. Bieksa’s 22 points were the same amount he put up the season prior, but he flourished in a new role as a shutdown defender, playing tough minutes with Dan Hamhuis.

That said, Kevin Bieksa can still score, and what you’ll see in his six goals is a guy whose shot remains lethal, whose ability to jump into the rush is still very much in place, and who may very well be able to pick up some of the backend offense the Canucks lost when Christian Ehrhoff headed to Buffalo. Here’s every goal Kevin Bieksa scored in 2010-11.

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Sometimes, all it takes is a generous link from a blog with more traffic to remind us of how little power we actually have over here at PITB. Consider the Twitter Needs Juice post we made about a month and a half back: sure, some people read it, but not nearly as many people read it yesterday, after Derek Jory linked to it in his Juiceisms post over at Fort Nucks, the Canucks’ official blog. We humbly acknowledge your superior readership, sir.

It’s probably because Fort Nucks’ official hockey team (the Vancouver Canucks) is a little more popular than ours (The Vancouver Wellwoods), although let’s not sell the Wellwoods short. They’ve had a goalie captain for quite some time, and no one’s ever suggested Morgan wasn’t the right fit, which is more than I can say for Luongo.

Anyway, the best thing about the sudden bump is that people have finally begun sending in images of support for our silly little campaign.

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Five pictures of Kevin Bieksa, boiling with bubbling hate

Kevin Bieksa makes a mean “mean face”. You’ve probably seen it. At some point, during the game, something rubs Juice the wrong way, and he flashes a trademark sneer, except sneer is too passive a description — it’s more of a mental defenestration. With yesterday’s announcement that the Canucks have re-signed Juice through 2016 (with a no-trade clause, for which he apologized to fans who will need to plug someone else into their rumours), it gives me great joy to say that pictures of Kevin Bieksa boiling with bubbling hate will be a staple in this city for the next five years. Here are five good ones, just to whet your appetite.

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News broke yesterday that Kevin Bieksa and the Canucks had agreed on a long-term deal that would see the defenseman sticking with the team for the next five years. The people (a year removed from trading him out of town for Nikita Filatov) rejoiced.Funny how things change, huh?

Anyway. After the Canucks’ non-disclosure policy bought them five quiet minutes to eat their lunches, the cap hit eventually leaked and, at $4.6 million a year, reactions varied.

Especially in light of that thing Bieksa said about taking less.

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