From the Archives: Daniel’s Worst Christmas, an original holiday tale

Originally published on December 18,2010, “Daniel’s Worst Christmas” is a poetic retelling of the Canucks’ 2009-10 regular season in which an injury to Daniel Sedin led to a Hart trophy season for his twin brother, Henrik. But that wasn’t the whole story…

With Christmas only days away, we thought we’d bring this one back from the dead. Granted, some of its jokes are a year-old (but the Calgary Flames remain bad, so that one still works), and it remains a poem, unfortunately, but you might still find it worth your time.

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A few months back, PITB came into exclusive possession of some shocking action shots, which depicted Canucks enforcer Tanner Glass fighting bears. Through hard-nosed investigate journalism, we were able to report that Tanner Glass had been foraying into the forest and picking fights with the formidable mammals as a means of training for NHL scraps.

On a hunch, I trailed the Canucks’ winger earlier this week, suspicious that he might return to the woods to brush up on the physical elements of his game for the playoffs.

Sure enough, I saw him fight eight different bears that afternoon. I took pictures. Happy Friday.

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After two consecutive playoff oustings, you’d think it would be difficult to find a Vancouver Canucks fan who has anything but ill will for the Chicago Blackhawks. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case, as some people think the Blackhawks are all right. Yes, some people have a hard time hating a team with plenty of ties to the West Coast. Some people watched Jonathan Toews lead Canada to an Olympic gold medal, and they think he’s A-okay. And some people simply have the Blackhawks confused with other things. Good things. Things for which they feel fondness.

It’s time to clear this up once and for all. People, hear me: the Chicago Blackhawks are bad. BAD. If you think they are good, you obviously have them confused with something else. That thing cannot possibly be the Blackhawks, because the Blackhawks are bad.

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Local musician Kyprios has released a new song, “How The West Was One,” a Canuck anthem just in time for the playoffs. It’s a decent song, actually, with some slick production and decent flow. I like it. Though he drops fewer rhymes than the Bible’s got psalms, Kyprios demonstrates a legit knowledge of the Canucks and proves himself a true fan. There are, however, some factual inaccuracies in the lyrics, which, as a super-famous Canuck blog co-writer, I feel obliged to correct, so as to avoid spreading fallacies amongst the Canuck fanbase.

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Cody Hodgson’s Dark Times, Part 2: Now With Hilarious Reader Submissions

If you’re new to Cody Hodgson’s dark times, I recommend you go back and read the original post that led to this one. If, however, you’re averse to doing research just to get a pretty lame joke, here’s a short primer: in an intermission segment about Cody Hodgson’s injury troubles, the narration included the hyperbolic [...]

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Manny Malhotra is an Enabler

It wasn’t that long ago that Manny Malhotra was receiving premature buzz for the Selke Award. Now, mired in a 16-game pointless drought, questions are being raised about his role as the third-line center, with some suggesting that Hodgson might supplant him before the season is done. I heard from some quarters that Hodgson’s line [...]

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Cody Hodgson’s Dark Times

In case you just awoke from a hockey coma, you’ve probably heard that Cody Hodgson, prized prospect of the Vancouver Canucks, played his first NHL game yesterday. It’s been a long time coming for Hodgson, who has overcome a boatload of misinformation, intrusive media coverage, rampant speculation and injury troubles just to get here. But [...]

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Raymond = Fast Last year, we introduced the inaugural Canucks Bandwagon cheat sheet to give aid to the less informed, less involved fan who wanted to feel a part of the Canucks’ playoff run. Unfortunately, two weeks later, the Canucks were eliminated by the Blackhawks, and the cheat sheet was forgotten. It’s eight months later, [...]

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Last night’s contentious decision from the NHL War Room–in which they defied their own precedent and overruled an on-ice no-goal call despite inconclusive evidence–was just another bit of proof that Colin Campbell and his crack squad of AV geeks have literally no idea what they’re doing. And, in case you weren’t convinced, PITB’s recently-dispatched War [...]

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Last Wednesday, Roberto Luongo appeared on the Team 1040 morning show with Scotty Rintoul and Jason Botchford. Among other topics, he talked about winning streaks, shootouts, and first star salutes. It was innocuous. Then, towards the end of the telephone interview, Jason Botchford asked an interesting question. “I find that you’re having a lot more [...]

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Anyone can write about sports. Quality determines who gets read. The New York Times has observed that we at Pass it to Bulis are the blogosphere, and speaking for the entire blogosphere at large, I’ll point out that the much-ballyhooed battle between bloggers and journalists is pointless and counterproductive. People get too hung up on [...]

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One of this year’s biggest stories has been the emergence of Cory Schneider. We’ve already talked about it. A couple of times. Schneider’s strong play, along with Roberto Luongo’s resurgence, has given Vancouver a goaltending tandem unrivaled by any other in their 40 years. It’s an embarrassment of riches. But if there’s one thing PITB [...]

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Welcome to 2010 in review, PITB’s exhaustive, retrospective compilation of all the major Canucks stories that held your attention in the year that was. Remember when the Canucks boycotted CBC after the Ron Maclean hatchet job? That’s in here. Remember Michael Grabner’s first career hat trick in Anaheim? That’s in here. Remember when Guillaume Desbiens [...]

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The Canucks scored some dazzling goals in 2010, but it will be a brand new year in only a few short days. Who knows what the new year will hold? Now, I don’t mean to hit the panic button but, as of this writing, the Canucks are scoreless in 2011. Seriously, don’t panic. While we [...]

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In the aftermath of Vancouver’s last regulation defeat, a 3-2 home loss at the hands of the St. Louis Blues, Province writer Jason Botchford questioned questioned the Canucks’ grit. “The Blues forwards were rarely touched,” Botchford wrote, “Even after they shoved around Luongo. In one incident, BJ Crombeen took a shot at the Canucks goalie [...]

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“I think we’re going to try to stick with more Western Canadian kids [...]” — Canucks GM Mike Gillis In July of 2009, the Atlanta Thrashers signed prospect Anthony Stewart, formerly of the Florida Panthers. In the 2009 entry draft, they selected center Evander Kane fourth overall. In a trade deadline swap, they acquired Johnny [...]

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