With the NHL’s trade deadline now less than a week away, Canucks fans have spent the last few days debating which of their prospects Mike Gillis and co. should consider off-limits. The name that comes up most frequently: winger Nicklas Jensen.

It’s easy to see why. Jensen is exactly what you want an NHL forward to be these days — big. But it’s not just that. He’s also got some soft hands for a large man. As evidence, we submit his lovely shootout goal for the Chicago Wolves Wednesday night in their 3-2 win over the Oklahoma City Barons. Feast your eyes on this fabulous move, as Jensen pulls off the deke made famous by Peter Forsberg to make veteran goalie Yann Danis look silly:

Originally, I considered filing this picture of Roberto Luongo at the Vancouver Canucks’ bench under the “I find this photo odd” feature, but truthfully, I only find the caption odd. According to Getty Images, in this photo, “Roberto Luongo of the Vancouver Canucks checks the replay on his iPad during their NHL game against the Columbus Blue Jackets at Rogers Arena March 26, 2013.”

But that can’t be right. Why would any non-masochistic person replay any portion of Tuesday night’s game? It made Season 1 of Treme look like Season 4 of The Wire, that’s how dry that game was.

Everything’s coming up Keith Ballard these days (inasmuch as is possible so long as he continues to play under Alain “My defenders should defend” Vigneault, that grump). Sure, he remains the sixth or seventh defender on the Vancouver Canucks’ blueline depth chart, but due to a rash of injuries up front, he’s skyrocketed all the way up to ninth on the depth chart for forwards. Huzzah!

What’s more, like Brent Burns in San Jose, Ballard hasn’t looked out of place in this temporary reassignment. In two games up front, he’s generated scoring chances and been a part of cohesive lines. Granted, he hasn’t been as productive as Burns, who has 7 points in 7 games as a forward for the Sharks — but on Sunday night, Ballard got his first, an assist on a lovely goal by Alex Burrows.

Even more valuable than the assist, however, was the additional reward: the hockey hug.

By now, you’ve likely heard of Jarome Iginla’s “list”, a nebulous, highly dubious group of teams he’d be willing to join if the Calgary Flames asked him to waive his no-trade clause in advance of the April 3 trade deadline.

I don’t think it’s real, but over the weekend, the hockey world erupted with reports of which clubs happened to be on this list. The firmest report came courtesy of RDS correspondent Ren Lavoie, who insisted that the list consists of just four teams: Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, and Pittsburgh, the last four Stanley Cup winners. If this is true, it’s clear that Iginla is hoping history repeats himself.

Still, other insiders mentioned other teams. And On Monday, Elliotte Friedman even went so far as to suggest that Iginla might be willing to join the Vancouver Canucks.

On one hand, Alain Vigneault has to be frustrated by the Canucks’ continued struggle to ice something resembling a competitive lineup. Thursday night, the club was so shorthanded they were forced to deploy Keith Ballard as a top-nine forward, and somehow they managed to lose another key component in that one after Alex Edler was suspended two games for colliding with Mike “I step in front of cars and sue the drivers” Smith.

But on the other hand, the shorthandedness of Vigneault’s club means they have no choice but to go into full-blown shutdown mode, and I think we all know that Alain Vigneault descends into hockey vampirism — sucking the life out of games in order to survive — with unbridled, abject glee. The Canucks were unyielding in their defensive posture in this one, scoring early, then nursing a 1-0 lead so completely that, after the game, they had to burp it. I sort of felt like a creep when I watched this game.

The Canucks are already having to get creative in order to ice a competitive lineup. Thursday night in Phoenix, they had defenceman Keith Ballard playing as a winger. On the third line. If that doesn’t say something about how incredibly shorthanded they are, I don’t know that does.

And now they’re going to be even more shorthanded. The Shanahammer has come down on Alexander Edler for his charge on Coyotes’ netminder Mike Smith and it’s come down absurdly, head-scratchingly, absolutely what-the-effingly hard: Edler will sit for two games. On the bright side, they have a third-line winger they can probably convert.

Canuck fans are usually delighted when Alex Edler decides to play with an edge. The big Swede can be a punishing hitter when he overcomes his narcolepsy and chooses to assert himself — just ask Patrick Kane, Drew Doughty, or, as it happens, Mike Smith.

Of course, the Smith hit is different. While Edler is well within his rights to crush just about any member of the opposition that has the puck, especially behind the net in the “hitting zone”, the NHL rulebook is pretty explicit about goaltenders not being “fair game”. Thus, Edler’s huge collision with Smith from Thursday night’s 2-1 Vancouver win over the Phoenix Coyotes has earned him a phone hearing with Brendan Shanahan and the Shanavengers at the Department of Player Safety.

It’s possible that this could just be a friendly “hi, how are ya”. But it’s also possible that this could be a precursor to the Canucks’ second suspension of 2013. The Bible says faith comes by hearing. Does suspension as well?

Much like Stella Payne, Jordan Schroeder had lost his groove, so the Canucks sent him down to Chicago to get it back. On Tuesday, he made a strong case for having rediscovered it.

Alain Vigneault faced a lot of criticism for his decision to pair Jordan Schroeder with Dale Weise and Tom Sestito in the games before Schroeder’s demotion to the minors, but much of it was misplaced. Sure, Schroeder is the most skilled player on that line, but that should be perfectly clear. To be a centre in the NHL, you have to be able to elevate your wingers rather than falling to their level, and Schroeder was unable to stand out on that fourth line during his first stint with the team.

Early in his second stint, however, he finally broke through, making Dale Weise look like the Daniel Sedin to his Henrik as the two combined for a highlight-reel goal that turned out to be the game-winner. It’s a great goal, and it only gets greater the more you watch it. How does a 2-on-4 during a line change turn into a down-low 1-on-0 for Dale Weise in a matter of seconds, especially against the St. Louis Blues, who are usually airtight defensively? Well. Let’s break it down.

It’s been awhile since we talked about the hockey team in Abbotsford, which makes sense, since they’re a Calgary Flames affiliate and this is a Vancouver Canucks blog. But if the Team 1040′s Tom Mayenknecht is correct, it won’t be a Flames affiliate for much longer. As has been rumoured for ages, the Canucks are in the process of working out a move that would allow them to set up shop in the Lower Mainland’s city in the country.

According to Mayenknecht, as part of a game of musical chairs, the Flames would move the Heat to Utica, leaving Abbotsford for the Canucks, who would then finalize a purchase for the Peoria Rivermen and quickly transform them into the Abbotsford Fraser Rivermen (or, you know, a better name). Meanwhile, the St. Louis Blues would align themselves with the independent Chicago Wolves.

For the fourth straight game, the Canucks struggled with their defensive play in the third period, surrendering two goals. That’s the bad news. But the good news is that, for the first time since Nashville, it didn’t affect the final score. Vancouver’s issues closing out games were relatively inconsequential by the time the third rolled around, thanks in large part to strong individual performances in the first and second.

In the first, it was Cory Schneider and only Cory Schneider, who was unbeatable, despite seeing more rubber than Tate Langdon in American Horror Story. In the second, it was Dale mother-flipping Weise. The Flying Dutchman stepped on the clutch and shifted into high gear Tuesday, scoring a highlight-reel goal that turned out to be the game-winner. That’s right: thanks to Weise, the Canucks won this game. And thanks to the innovations of Philo Farnsworth, I watched this game.

Under normal circumstances, I’d say it’s hard not to feel bad for David Booth, what with the terrible luck he’s faced as a Canuck. But as we’ve covered extensively on this website, people really dislike him, be it for his exorbitant contract, his outspoken faith, his affinity for hunting, his lack of production or all of the above. On Monday, when we suggested that the lack of news about Booth was an indication he might be out for the season with an ankle injury (which appears to be the case), one follower responded, “Karma!” as though Booth deserved a season-ending injury. That’s absurd to me, but I don’t think that follower was alone in his thinking.

Still, if you can put aside for a moment the intense dislike that orbits Booth like a small, somewhat unfair, slightly irrational moon, then it’s hard not to feel bad for him. After all, the winger has been plagued by rotten fortune since he was acquired last fall.

First there was the knee-on-knee collision with Colorado’s David Porter, for which Porter missed five games to suspension but Booth missed 18 with an MCL injury. In the 62 games he did play, Booth put up 16 goals for a 20-goal pace, a nice, round number that would have earned him much softer treatment from the Vancouver faithful had he hit it, but thanks to the injury, he didn’t, and hockey fans aren’t in the business of giving credit for projected scoring. The raw fact was that Booth earned $4.2 million for 16 goals. That wasn’t good enough.

His sophomore campaign has been plagued with even more injury trouble. After the lockout (during which Booth did little to ingratiate himself to Canuck fans, filling his timeline with evangelical platitudes and kill shots), Booth strained his groin in the team’s first practice. He missed 15 games.

Then, after returning for 12, Booth sprained his ankle Saturday versus the Detroit Red Wings. According to the Canucks, he’s now out “indefinitely”.

Things may not have gone as well as the Canucks had hoped it would when they dusted off and donned the Millionaires apparel on Saturday versus the Detroit (although the game was an accurate representation of what would happen if a Vancouver team from 100 years ago played the 2013 Red Wings), but that doesn’t mean the evening wasn’t without highlights.

The uniforms looked fantastic, for one. Say what you will about khaki-coloured hockey pants — I thought they were awesome.

For another, the evening yielded the fifth Johnny Canuck video from Adam Mackay-Smith, the second half of the two-part “Legend of Johnny Canuck” series. And, as we’ve come to expect from the local filmmaker, it was absolutely fantastic. Since it debuted in the arena during the game, and by the time it hit Youtube at game’s end, you may have wanted to expunge the thought of the Canucks-as-Millionaires from your mind forever, there’s a good possibility you haven’t seen it yet. Let’s remedy that immediately:

New Van Fan is a web-series that follows the adventures of long-time Canucks fan Dan as he attempts to bring novice Canucks fan Andreas up to speed. The whole thing may or may not be an excuse to point out the inherent silliness of this fanbase — we’re not quite sure. Have an idea for an episode? Suggest it in the comments.

The Vancouver Canucks gave their fans a history lesson Saturday night, putting aside their usual blue and green attire to don the duds of their predecessors, the Vancouver Millionaires. The look was downright fantastic.

Unfortunately, the Canucks took their tribute to history a little too far. While it was nice of the club to show us what they would have looked like in Millionaires jerseys, I didn’t think the Canucks needed to show us what it would have looked like if the Millionaires had gone up against the 2013 Detroit Red Wings. It was a lesson I could have done without. While the jerseys looked excellent, the team in them looked decidedly less so when I watched this game.

The Vancouver Canucks have made the first splash in the 2013 pool of college free agents, beating out other Western Conference suitors like the Ducks, Red Wings and Coyotes to sign massive centre Kellan Lain from Lake Superior State University.

Again, that’s Kellan Lain, not to be confused with Kellan Lutz, the actor who played Emmett Cullen in the Twilight movies. Lain is a hockey player. Lutz is an actor. Remember that for now and for always.

But Lain does have some similarities with Lutz’s vampiric alter ego Emmett Cullen. No, he doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight, but he is a big, intimidating figure, at 6’6′, 222 lbs. Plus, while he’s not a vampire, he’s clearly damned in some way. What do you get when you add the 2 + 2 + 2 that make up Lain’s weight? 6, which means his personal stats are three sixes in a row. Is it just a coincidence that Lain’s height and weight are a thinly-veiled number of the beast? Perhaps. But perhaps not.

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass It To Bulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few topics that deserve mention.

The Vancouver Canucks’ powerplay is in a state of disarray. It’s been 9 games now since they scored with the man advantage.

Yes, the unit did create a goal Tuesday versus the Blue Jackets, but the goal came after the Columbus player exited the box, meaning Vancouver’s worst powerplay drought in 10 years continues.

We simply can’t allow it to. It’s time for some bold thinking to get off the schneid. It’s time for some new ideas. That in mind, we here at PITB have done some serious brainstorming and put together a list of brash, innovative suggestions that could kickstart the Canucks’ flagging man advantage. We offer them freely to Newell Brown and the rest of the Canucks’ coaching staff. Gentlemen, brace yourselves for genius:

You might remember the Vancouver Southsiders from their infamous, February 12th appearance at Rogers Arena. With no Whitecaps to cheer for but feeling in the mood to cheer nonetheless, 75 members of the boisterous group of soccer fans wandered down the block for a tilt between the Vancouver Canucks and the Minnesota Wild, then proceeded to stand and cheer during the game.

How they did it, no one will ever understand. Here the Canucks were, locked in your standard, grind-it-out affair with the Christmas-coloured nap inducers of the Midwest, a game that ended 2-1, as usual, and yet there was a group… cheering? Odd, that.

Some called the Canucks’ visit to Minnesota the biggest game of the season. I guess it was, although it seems silly to call a game where the worst-case scenario was a tie for first place with 24 games remaining all that big. But you can understand how Vancouver fans, who aren’t used to the Canucks even being in a game for first place in the division, might make it out to be a bigger deal than it was. At the halfway point in the season, a dogfight for first in the Northwest is like seeing a shooting star. You want to make a wish on it.

For many, that wish was for the Canucks to put in a dominating performance, which they haven’t done in a while now, and really re-assert their superiority over the Wild. But instead, they hardly showed up.

Who is to blame for this no-show? Alain Vigneault, says the chorus that’s been calling for Vigneault’s head ever since he lost the Stanley Cup Final he coached the team to in 2011 like a sap. He’s bad at his job, they say, which is why he’s yet to win one of those championships he always has his team contending for.

So is it time for a breakup? On Monday, Thomas Drance tackled this question the same way Ross tried to decide between Julie and Rachel in Friends episode “The one with the list”: he made a list, examining Alain Vigneault’s pros and cons. The problem, unfortunately, is that Drance’s list was woefully incomplete. So we’ve decided to make our own:

The Chicago Blackhawks placed veteran defenceman Steve Montador on waivers Monday, a testament to how quickly things can change in the NHL. 21 months ago, just two days before Montador was set to hit unrestricted free agency, the Blackhawks were so desperate to have him that they gave the Buffalo Sabres a draft pick in exchange for his negotiating rights. But now they’re giving him away for free.

Expect to hear Montador’s name bandied about the Lower Mainland until Tuesday’s waiver deadline, because there are a few reasons that Montador would be an appealing claim. He’s a right-handed defenceman, for one, and the lefty-heavy Canucks could use one of those. Plus, he’s from Vancouver.

These are the same reasons Montador appeared to be a fit two years ago when he was headed for free agency. But a lot has changed since then to make acquiring Montador much more problematic, largely because the Blackhawks got involved in the first place.

New Van Fan is a web-series that follows the adventures of long-time Canucks fan Dan as he attempts to bring novice Canucks fan Andreas up to speed. The whole thing may or may not be an excuse to point out the inherent silliness of this fanbase — we’re not quite sure. Have an idea for an episode? Suggest it in the comments.

“Don’t panic.”

This epigram sits at the beginning of two pop culture landmarks: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and the discography of Coldplay. In the former’s case, it’s a perfect introduction to one of the great works of science fiction. In the latter’s case, it’s an imperfect introduction, in that it’s the best song Coldplay has ever done. It’s never ideal to peak with the first song on your first album. Do that, and it’s really only a matter of time before you’re the creepiest, singing, dancing, CGI rabbit in music video history.

But “don’t panic” is more than just a great phrase to put on the cover of a book or a great song by a mediocre band — its also good advice. Arthur C. Clarke once said it’s the best advice.

That is, unless it really is time to panic, and for many Canucks fans, it is. Vancouver has lost 8 of their last 11, including 3 straight, and if that wasn’t enough, their most recent loss came at the hands of the Columbus Blue Jackets, hockey’s punching bag. The way most people see it, losing to the Blue Jackets is like locking your keys in the car. You have no one to blame but yourself.

After the game, Canucks fans started asking if it was time to flip the pool. Perhaps. But perhaps not. Let’s take a moment and weigh the pros and cons of full-blown panic.

It’s hard to get into these early-start games. The Eastern timezone throws everything out of whack, and suddenly, with puck drop three hours earlier, it’s nigh impossible to settle into the usual routine. The pregame meal happens at the wrong time. You miss the pregame nap. Everything’s awry, and sometimes, it’s difficult to doff that feeling.

I’m not excusing Vancouver’s performance tonight. I’m referring to myself. The 4pm puck drop ruins my whole routine. With my dinner early and my nap straight-up cancelled, I found myself fighting the post-meal snooze blues all night. It was terrible, and the fact that the Canucks and Blue Jackets combined for a game that had all the waking magic of Goodnight Moon didn’t help at all. But because I am a professional, I didn’t fall asleep. Instead, I watched this game.

The fact that the NHL doesn’t consider shootout wins when breaking ties in the standings is hilarious to me. 46 ties have been settled already this NHL season by way of the shootout, meaning 46 points in the standings have been awarded through it, but when it comes settling ties in the standings, it’s no good. If the NHL really wanted to be consistent, they’d settle ties in the standings with a emergency shootout. Or, if it’s too difficult to get the two gridlocked teams together, a coin toss.

Yes, the shootout is silly and random. As multiple people have pointed out, it’s a total crapshoot. But when the Canucks are bad at it, as they are so far this season, it invariably leads to all sorts of equally silly, random suggestions on how to improve their fortune. Try this guy. Try that guy. Go in fast. Go in slow. Deke. Shoot. Swap goalies.

Or, in my new favourite innovation, courtesy Jonathan McDonald of The Province, pull goalies. Not during the shotoout, of course. But in advance of it. Let’s all pause to examine this head-scratcher:

We’ve been having a great time dealing with a website that refuses to stay online this week. Just a whale of a time. For whatever reason, the blog has begun to derive a sick pleasure from crashing, like a character in a Cronenberg movie, and it’s caused us to miss a few things. One such thing: another excellent video from “M A K A V E L I”, known among Canuck fans as the guy behind that Boston/Vancouver/Daily Show mashup that went viral last year.

Let’s set the stage: on Sunday night, the Boston Bruins fell 4-3 in a loss to the Montreal Canadiens despite leading the game at one point by a score of 3-2. What was the turning point? After Alexei Emelin crosschecked on Tyler Seguin undetected, even though he broke his stick in half in doing so, Zdeno Chara made a beeline for Emelin and made him pay in punches. Unfortunately, Chara’s revenge also took him off the ice for 17 minutes in penalties, and while he was in the box, the Canadiens hung two on the Bruins and won the game.

Bruins coach Claude Julien was understandably upset about the game afterwards, but not at Chara. Rather, he took the podium to complain about the Montreal Canadiens’ shameful embellishment throughout. It was “embarrassing for our game, the embellishing,” according to Julien. This led Makaveli (I refuse to spell his name the way he wants us to) to point out that Julien seemed to be struggling to see past his own nose, since, speaking of noses, he coaches Brad Marchand, among others: