Ever since Henrik grabbed his brother by the ankle in utero and then climbed over him to be first out of the womb, the Sedin twins have been extraordinarily competitive with one another. Heck, Daniel only got into hockey so he could be better than his brother at it. He hates hockey. He just hates his brother more.
We’ve seen their competition play out over the last several years here in Vancouver, as Henrik won the Art Ross and a league MVP, so Daniel turned around and won the Art Ross and the other league MVP. Then, this season, when Henrik realized that his Iron Man streak put him way, way behind Daniel in man games lost due to injury, he broke the streak and got injured twice, just so he could make up the ground.
These two don’t quit, and the Canucks just realized that their blood feud can make for some excellent summer content. All week long, they’ve been running a series titled Sedin vs. Sedin, which puts the two brothers against one another in a five-challenge series that will settle the superiority questions once and for all.
Also the loser has to eat a live scorpion, I think.
Challenge no. 1: penalty kicks on Whitecaps goalie David Ousted.
Your surprise winner: Henrik Sedin, but Lord knows there would have been a different outcome with hockey sticks. It would have been, like, 10-0 for Daniel, even with Henrik shooting five times. He’s addicted to the setup.
Challenge no. 2: rapid shot, an accuracy competition.
Unsurprisingly, Daniel takes it. But even though the outcome is predictable, it’s still worth it to watch the video, just for the shots of Henrik looking genuinely dismayed at his brother’s superior shot. Fortunately, Henrik can take solace in knowing he could kick that feeder machine’s ass at giving Daniel the puck.
Challenge no. 3: ping pong, or, as it’s known in the East, hypertennis.
This is basically like watching a Sedin shift, with the two passing back and forth until Daniel tries to finish. In this case, his smash is off, and Henrik takes the prize. Then he rubs it in, saying Daniel’s weakness is mental. These two hate one another.
Challenge no. 4: ball juggling, and I’ll admit to being disappointed it wasn’t the circus type. I would have loved to see these two start with two balls, then go to three, then to four, or five, then maybe switch to bowling pins, and eventually to flaming chainsaw, and start tossing them back and forth trying to punk the other one out until somebody lost a hand. Instead they’re just trying to keep a soccer ball in the air. Lame.
Your winner, Henrik, although I’m surprised. We’ve seen Daniel’s header skills on ice. I would have thought he’d be able to take this one.
Can we take a quick moment to appreciate the opening graphic, in which the Sedins play rock-paper-scissors and they both choose paper? Identical twins for the win.
Anyway, Henrik has already won the series, although there’s still one more event to go. Sedin vs. Sedin closes on Friday with the fifth and final challenge (and we have to assume Henrik wins that one too, or the Canucks would have released them in a different order so there was some added suspense for final video).
Instead, the remaining suspense comes from wondering just what that last event will be. Here are three potential finale events:
Striptease. We’ve seen the two break it down before, and even get competitive there, with Daniel boasting about earning a loonie in tips before Henrik one-ups him with a toonie.
Epic rap battle. If Isaac Newton, Bill Nye, and Neil Degrasse Tyson can break it down, why can’t these two? Henrik’s flow would be sick: I’m the oldest / and my flow is the coldest / like ice, baby brother, here’s my jock, kid, hold this. / Closest / that you’ll come to the Cup. / Your turn. As usual, I’m setting you up.
Bloodsport. Henrik and Daniel fly to Hong Kong to compete in the Kumite. Helicopter kicks. Eye gouging. Fistfuls of powder. Two men enter. One man leaves.