Eulogy: Remembering the 2013-14 Colorado Avalanche

Congratulations, Colorado, on dragging out the inevitable. As you hang up your sweaters, that appear to have been designed by the world’s most boring 8-year-old, you can look back at your playoff run and feel proud of almost winning a round.

You had your fans high on nostalgia to start the season, with Joe Sakic in charge in the front office and Patrick Roy behind the bench. Rumoured plans to hire Peter Forsberg as head trainer were scuttled when the 40-year-old Swede reported he was training for one more comeback attempt.

Now you’re just high geographically and on legalized marijuana, as nostalgia has gone awry, like adding noses to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

It’s been over a decade since the Avalanche were at all relevant in the NHL, so it’s understandable why you would want to recapture some of that former glory. It almost worked. Instead you became the only division winner to get knocked out in the first round.

You should have known better.

After all, adopting a team slogan like “Why not us?” was just asking for trouble.

Why not us? Oh, there are so many reasons.

Let’s start with the obvious: You’re just not that good.

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Unemployed Trotz, still employed McLellan the odds-on favourites for Canucks coaching job

John Tortorella was fired on Thursday, because the Canucks were bad and he was the head coach while they were bad and Trevor Linden had no confidence that he would help make them less bad in the future. I think that sums it up pretty succinctly.

Unsurprisingly, with Tortorella not even metaphorically cold in his metaphorical grave, the speculation over who the Canucks might hire as their next coach began immediately. Never mind that Trevor Linden hasn’t even begun interviewing General Manager candidates: Canucks fans want immediate action on the coaching front.

The battle lines were quickly drawn, with some hoping the recently fired Barry Trotz would find his way to the Pacific Northwest, while others were rooting for the San Jose Sharks to lose in spectacular fashion so that Todd McLellan would get fired and thus be available for the position. Still others cried out for literally anyone but either of these two.

Why, Canucks fans are so passionate about the subject that they might, hypothetically, be willing to put money on the line. Bodog is figuratively betting on people literally betting on it.

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