Horrible Bruins fan offers Iginla jersey, Centre Ice, to Canucks fan willing to switch allegiances

The Canucks have been a tough club to cheer for this season. They keep losing, which is annoying, but more than that, they keep losing in fabulous and fantastic ways. Heck, just looking at the season series versus Anaheim, there’s enough material for a reasonable person to look at this team and say “nuts to this”. A 9-1 loss. A 5-1 loss with their playoff lives on the line. A 4-3 overtime loss in a game Vancouver led 3-2 inside the final two minutes. It’s disheartening.

(Almost literally. Watching Vancouver this year has been like going toe-to-toe with Mola Ram, the disheartener himself.)

And if you’ve had enough, one Boston Bruins fan (presumably Satan himself) is offering you a way out. And all you have to do is give him your soul, which is a very Satany thing to do.

Your fan soul, anyway. Fork it over to this guy by way of a Youtube video denouncing the Canucks and joining Bruins nation instead, and in exchange, you’ll get a free Jarome Iginla jersey and a season of Centre Ice or Game Center Live. From Kijiji:

Free XL or L Iginla Bruins Jersey to a Canuck fan that pledges their new life long loyalty to the Boston Bruins.

A Canuck fan that uploads a youtube video of them pledging allegiance to the Bruins will get a free Iginla Jersey. You must show proof you’ve been a Canuck fan in the past and do whatever it takes to get the most hits on youtube, The video with the most hits by April 15 will earn the uploader a free Bruins jersey. I will also pay for your Centre Ice or Game Centre Live subscription next year so you can follow every minute of Bruins action from Jack and Brick.

This experience will allow you to see things from a different point of view. A much healthier point of view. It will change your life for the better.

It will allow you to feel what it’s like to be the fan of a team that you are proud of at all times. I know your pain. You’ve been suffering too long. The Canucks lose in the final and the city riots. The Bruins lose in the final and we all feel so proud to have gotten that far again. And when we say “maybe next year”, we mean it.

Upon joining the Bruins faithful, your hockey intelligence will immediately double and you will gain instant respect from all other hockey fans worldwide.

Let’s be honest, the less Canuck fans in the world, the happier place it will be for all of us. Look at the pics, Bruins and their fans are always smiling!

Reply to this message with your youtube video link and I will monitor them all. Good Luck and Go Bruins!!!

I know, it’s tempting. He may have played for exclusively evil teams in his career, but Jarome Iginla’s pretty great. He just cracked 30 goals for the 12th time. Dude’s a legend. Plus a free season of GameCentre Live or Centre Ice?

But I’d like to think I speak for all Canucks fans when I make like this precociously confrontational baby and say no to all of it. No. No. No. Absolutely not. Never.

It’s not a convincing pitch, either. Always smiling? Yeah, what about these guys? And it’s a whole lot either to not overreact to a Final loss when you won the Cup two years earlier than it is when you’ve never won it, and it’s becoming increasingly clear that God hates your team.

Your hockey intelligence will immediately double? Here’s my response to that. The intelligence of Bruins nation will go drastically up, sure, but only because you’re getting one Canucks fan, and frankly, if anyone takes this guy up on his deal, our worst one.

All that said, we’re willing to help, for two reasons: first, if you want to go, we don’t want you, and second, you’re still family. Send your Youtube videos renouncing the Canucks to us as well and we’ll feature them on the blog. Granted, we’ll also make fun of you like crazy and sneer in your general direction because you’re the worst, but such is the price of treachery.

s/t to Paul Almeida.

18 comments

  1. Body Schmautz
    March 31, 2014

    How about a contest for the Canuck fan video that best responds to this wicked evil. Put to a vote of your loyal PITB readers.
    GO CANUCKS GO

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  2. KevinZ
    March 31, 2014

    I shall never be turned away from the path of the righteous. Through hardship and temptation, my faith will remain strong, for I know in my heart and soul that Linden walks with me.

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    Rating: +24 (from 28 votes)
  3. Iceman
    March 31, 2014

    Tempting, but NO — even if hell freezes over.

    This Bruins fan, still suffering from SWS (Sore Winner Syndrome) even after three years, just can’t stay with the healing process.

    Get over it and move on. The world will be a much happier place when you do.

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    Rating: +11 (from 11 votes)
  4. Aaron
    March 31, 2014

    I do agree that Iginla is pretty great but to sell your soul to Boston is just plain wrong! I mean sell it for something with value! like a toosie pop or half finished beer. I’m just saying be selective with the selling of your soul.

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    Rating: +15 (from 15 votes)
    • Lemming
      March 31, 2014

      …or some of those sponge things shaped like dinosaurs that grow slightly when they get wet.

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      Rating: +9 (from 9 votes)
    • Sean
      April 1, 2014

      If the Bruins are without “value”, yet still managed to outscore Vancouver 23-8 in the Finals, how much “value”, exactly, does the Canucks franchise have at the moment?

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      Rating: -4 (from 10 votes)
  5. iain
    March 31, 2014

    one day, the Bruins will also be down on their luck (again). I guess we’ll just have to be there to kick Bruins fans when they’re down too.

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
    • Naturalmystic
      March 31, 2014

      Down on their luck again…….Since 70-71(Year Vancouver began play in the NHL) the Bruins only missed the playoffs 5 times. Vancouver missed 16 times. When have the Bruins been down on their luck?

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      Rating: -2 (from 8 votes)
      • Neil B
        March 31, 2014

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3o5YkiRuTC4

        …and a legend is born…

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        Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
        • SuperreggieRolf
          April 13, 2014

          Chills… Like many older canucks fans, I was a habs fan in the 70′s…

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          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      • Nik
        April 1, 2014

        Durrr…How ’bout those 5 years they didn’t make the playoffs that you just mentioned?

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        Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
      • iain
        April 1, 2014

        making the playoffs is no measure of quality.

        bruins were pretty awful through much of the 60s and 00s. yes, they do have a more storied history than vancouver, that wouldn’t really be difficult. but they have had many years without success too – 8 straight years out of the playoffs in the 60s, in the 6-team era, a 39-year Cup drought up to 2011. so don’t tell us that the Bruins are all awesome all the time. life ain’t like that, for any team.

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        Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
      • steveB
        April 1, 2014

        How about in the Original Six days, the odds of making the Playoffs were greater than in today’s 5 times larger league?

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        Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
      • Superreggie
        April 13, 2014

        I seem to remember their regularly bowing out in pathetic fashion.

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  6. Brian
    March 31, 2014

    Iginla: overrated
    Gamecenter LIVE: delayed 2 minutes
    Center Ice: often missing feeds
    Bruins: diving, cheapshotting goons

    No, thanks.

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    Rating: +7 (from 15 votes)
  7. ikillchicken
    April 1, 2014

    Is a Boston accent mandatory? Because you could offer me ownership of the bloody team and that would still be a deal-breaker.

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  8. bluemoonjones
    April 1, 2014

    Been a North American sports fan for a very, very long time; never, and I mean NEVER, have I disliked a team and a fanbase more than the Boston Bruins.

    By far and away the most smug, self-righteous, and, above all, hypocritical fanbase in all of sport. And they’ve been this way for a very long time.

    So, in a nutshell, no thank you…

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    Rating: +10 (from 10 votes)
  9. cathylu
    April 1, 2014

    After having been in their house for games 3 and 4 of the Final in 2011 I can say that the Bruin fans as a group are pretty horrible. And the East Coast Canadian resident Bruin fans we talked to there just made me sad. A Canadian team makes it to the final and you still cheer for Boston? I don’t get it (but I’m American so there’s probably something there I don’t understand).

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    Rating: +3 (from 5 votes)