The Canucks have been a tough club to cheer for this season. They keep losing, which is annoying, but more than that, they keep losing in fabulous and fantastic ways. Heck, just looking at the season series versus Anaheim, there’s enough material for a reasonable person to look at this team and say “nuts to this”. A 9-1 loss. A 5-1 loss with their playoff lives on the line. A 4-3 overtime loss in a game Vancouver led 3-2 inside the final two minutes. It’s disheartening.
(Almost literally. Watching Vancouver this year has been like going toe-to-toe with Mola Ram, the disheartener himself.)
And if you’ve had enough, one Boston Bruins fan (presumably Satan himself) is offering you a way out. And all you have to do is give him your soul, which is a very Satany thing to do.
Your fan soul, anyway. Fork it over to this guy by way of a Youtube video denouncing the Canucks and joining Bruins nation instead, and in exchange, you’ll get a free Jarome Iginla jersey and a season of Centre Ice or Game Center Live. From Kijiji:
Free XL or L Iginla Bruins Jersey to a Canuck fan that pledges their new life long loyalty to the Boston Bruins.
A Canuck fan that uploads a youtube video of them pledging allegiance to the Bruins will get a free Iginla Jersey. You must show proof you’ve been a Canuck fan in the past and do whatever it takes to get the most hits on youtube, The video with the most hits by April 15 will earn the uploader a free Bruins jersey. I will also pay for your Centre Ice or Game Centre Live subscription next year so you can follow every minute of Bruins action from Jack and Brick.
This experience will allow you to see things from a different point of view. A much healthier point of view. It will change your life for the better.
It will allow you to feel what it’s like to be the fan of a team that you are proud of at all times. I know your pain. You’ve been suffering too long. The Canucks lose in the final and the city riots. The Bruins lose in the final and we all feel so proud to have gotten that far again. And when we say “maybe next year”, we mean it.
Upon joining the Bruins faithful, your hockey intelligence will immediately double and you will gain instant respect from all other hockey fans worldwide.
Let’s be honest, the less Canuck fans in the world, the happier place it will be for all of us. Look at the pics, Bruins and their fans are always smiling!
Reply to this message with your youtube video link and I will monitor them all. Good Luck and Go Bruins!!!
I know, it’s tempting. He may have played for exclusively evil teams in his career, but Jarome Iginla’s pretty great. He just cracked 30 goals for the 12th time. Dude’s a legend. Plus a free season of GameCentre Live or Centre Ice?
But I’d like to think I speak for all Canucks fans when I make like this precociously confrontational baby and say no to all of it. No. No. No. Absolutely not. Never.
It’s not a convincing pitch, either. Always smiling? Yeah, what about these guys? And it’s a whole lot either to not overreact to a Final loss when you won the Cup two years earlier than it is when you’ve never won it, and it’s becoming increasingly clear that God hates your team.
Your hockey intelligence will immediately double? Here’s my response to that. The intelligence of Bruins nation will go drastically up, sure, but only because you’re getting one Canucks fan, and frankly, if anyone takes this guy up on his deal, our worst one.
All that said, we’re willing to help, for two reasons: first, if you want to go, we don’t want you, and second, you’re still family. Send your Youtube videos renouncing the Canucks to us as well and we’ll feature them on the blog. Granted, we’ll also make fun of you like crazy and sneer in your general direction because you’re the worst, but such is the price of treachery.
s/t to Paul Almeida.