After moral victories, 20 other victories the struggling Canucks could enjoy

When the Canucks lost 1-0 to the Los Angeles Kings back in mid-January, they didn’t seem all that worried about the score. They felt they had accomplished something more important in establishing a physical identity and standing up for each other as a team.

It was a moral victory.

The only problem is that they didn’t follow up that moral victory with actual victories — the type that show up under the W column in the standings. Since there’s no M column for Moral Victories in the NHL standings, the Canucks have slid down to the second wild card spot and are close to sliding right out of the playoff picture altogether.

If the Canucks can’t manage actual victories, they should at least try to get something other than moral victories, so here are 20 other victories they can aim for throughout the rest of the season, with help from PITB’s amazing Twitter followers.

1. Arrange flowers with aplomb: floral victory.

2. Talk more trash than the other team: oral victory. – @yyjordan

3. Give money to save the Great Barrier Reef: coral victory. – @Steve_May

4. All of these great rhymes from Canucks fans: aural victory. – @aidanbc

5. Continue wearing their bright blue and green jerseys: auroral victory. – @offersheet

6. Pump more blood through their thighs: femoral victory.

7. As long as at least one Canuck wins gold in the Olympics: laurel victory. – @KentBaskyNM

8. Make the bed every morning: thoral victory. – @SirCanuckles

9. Explore the world with an inquisitive Latina girl: Doral victory.

10. Bring a goon out of retirement: Worrell victory. – @Steve_May

11. Continue travelling forward through time: temporal victory.

12. Write a second PhD thesis: postdoctoral victory.

13. Represent their constituents: Mayoral victory.

14. Retire from hockey and live the life of a shepherd: pastoral victory. – @BooferOC

15. Use the right synonym: Thesaural victory.

16. Eat more expensive and delicious mushrooms: morel victory. – @Moosekayak

17. Harmonizing with the anthem singer at the beginning of each game: choral victory. – @JustinTillyer

18. Serve Voldemort: Quirrell victory. – @doogie2k

19. Prevent travel diarrhoea while in foreign countries: dukoral victory. – @EmoRachael

20. Father Superman: Jor-El victory. – @doogie2k

Tags: ,

23 comments

  1. Anon
    February 5, 2014

    Win an argument: Quarrel Victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  2. MNightS
    February 5, 2014

    Clinch a spot…in the BC Legistature: Electoral victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  3. MNightS
    February 5, 2014

    Score a goal on a spinorama — as a PLANT! : Whorl victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  4. MNightS
    February 5, 2014

    Take off skates to reveal winter boots underneath: Sorel victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  5. amie
    February 5, 2014

    This gave me a container-full of laughs — a barrel victory.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  6. josiahmt
    February 5, 2014

    Sedins face all challengers in horse wagon racing thing they do: sorrel victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
    • crt
      February 5, 2014

      After the horse race, sedins steer opponents into a fenced in area with the assistance of border collies: corral victory

      VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  7. crt
    February 5, 2014

    Score a goal with a spinorama — as a plant: whorl victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  8. akidd
    February 5, 2014

    not have less (or the same)Earl–a more-Earl victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  9. Andrew
    February 5, 2014

    Serve up some superior risotto: arboriol victory.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  10. Keith
    February 5, 2014

    Win an argument. Quarrel victory

    Climb a tree. Arboreal victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  11. TDR
    February 5, 2014

    Complete a P90X chest workout: pectoral victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  12. G McRae
    February 5, 2014

    A colony of wild cats beating a up a dog: feral victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  13. Scott
    February 5, 2014

    Secretly pay off the refs to help them win: conspiratorial victory.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  14. Carlo
    February 6, 2014

    This is amazing lol

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  15. Noodle
    February 6, 2014

    “Prevent travel diarrhoea while in foreign countries: dukoral victory”

    Has anyone had to use Dukoral? It’s so awful (foul taste and fizzy so you can’t knock it back quickly) I’d prefer the diarrhea.

    Never again. /shudders

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  16. moon
    February 6, 2014

    Achieve a moral victory, but then after the game (or between periods) confront the opposing team in their dressing room, pummel them all, and steal their gear: an immoral victory.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  17. DanD
    February 6, 2014

    Purchase Rubbermaid containers to keep their all of their gear organized. A store-all victory.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  18. crt
    February 6, 2014

    After joining the champions league for a two-leg fixture vs Bayern, the results are a 3-0 Bayern win in Vancouver and a 4-1 Vancouver win in Bayern: four-all victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  19. Jackson
    February 6, 2014

    Dance at a Jewish wedding: a Horal victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  20. Cody
    February 6, 2014

    This makes the whole season up to this point hurt a little less

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  21. josiahmt
    February 6, 2014

    Call Wellwood a man possessed: a chortle victory

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  22. Karla
    February 6, 2014

    Save some horned aquatic mammals: norwhal victory.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)