Brad Marchand is an idiot.
Now, to be fair, every team has guys like this, and they can be very effective and valuable. As I said yesterday on Boston radio, if Marchand was our idiot, to borrow a turn of phrase from Tom Sestito, we’d be more than happy to tolerate him. But he’s not. He’s very, very not.
As such, rather than tolerating, or worse, appreciating him, we at Pass it to Bulis encourage you to join us in mocking the Boston Bruins’ winger that’s become the face of the Bruins/Canucks rivalry (meaning the rivalry has a comically gigantic nose).
Above is a photo taken back on December 14, 2013, when Marchand’s Bruins visited Vancouver for the first time since they hoisted the Stanley Cup there in June of 2011. Thinking perhaps we might have forgotten, because he’s dumb and he forgets obvious things, like how to spell “champion”, Marchand mimed a Cup lift-and-kiss — and then he forgot he did it, because, as mentioned, he’s dumb, so he did it a second time.
Fortunately, pulling the same move twice gave Jeff Vinnick two opportunities to capture it perfectly for maximum photoshoppability, and the second time around, he definitely did. With the Canucks and Bruins set to go again Tuesday night, it is time to let the shops flow!
A quick note: if you’re scrolling down looking for the one with a butt in it, that’s all of them, because Brad Marchand is a butt, but there’s no second butt, because this is a family blog. Just imagine it.
Here he is, preparing to eat a giant sandwich hanging from the ceiling with a knife and a fork. Brad, you fool, that’s not how you eat a sandwich!
Matt Kump demonstrates how Marchand keeps his gloved punches so tight.
Scout Clark puts the Bruins’ winger underwater. No word on if there are cement blocks on his feet.
She also gives us this clever ‘shop, which might actually endear him to some corners of the Canucks’ fanbase.
Speaking of being on drugs, that might explain this entry from Mike Haire:
Cody M, one of the best gif-makers around, gives us this excellent piece of business:
Meanwhile, Wyatt Arndt points out that he resembles another famously dim-witted, tiny creature:
R. Sen sent us a bunch of shops, most of which were excellent. Here’s Baby Brad, although I’d argue this one needs more soo-soo.
Cardboard_Collector went a similar way with it. Same criticism. Needs more soo-soo.
Back to R. Sen, who gives us the obvious, off-colour photoshop we specifically said you couldn’t do, although he claims that Marchand is simply amazed by floating blocks and these black bars aren’t censoring anything inappropriate:
More R. Sen: here’s what Marchand would be doing if he wasn’t playing hockey:
And finally, Marchand tries to steal a little hydration from Brandon Bollig. This photo is actually to scale:
Tags: brad marchand, photoshop