15 ways the Canucks’ 9-1 loss to the Ducks could have been worse

Let’s face it, the Canucks’ 9-1 loss to the Ducks was absolutely awful and stands as one of the most lopsided defeats in franchise history. But, as bad as it was, it could have been a lot worse.

You might be asking, “How can that be possible?” Well, hypothetical person, you should just be patient and read the rest of this post. You should have figured out from that lede and the title of this post that we here at Pass it to Bulis were about to offer a list of ways the game could have been worse.

Here are 15 things that could have taken the game against the Ducks from awful to worse-than-craisins.

The Canucks could have taken a 9-1 lead into the final minutes of the third period…

…and lost after giving the Ducks a 7-minute long 5-on-3 power play, the biggest collapse in NHL history.

They could have lost 9-1 to a someone other than the first place team in the NHL

Like, say, the Calgary Flames. Or, even worse…

This loss could have come against the Blackhawks or Bruins

The trolls in the comment section would have been insufferable. Thankfully, Ducks fans are a lot less confrontational.

The Canucks could have been shut out

which would have meant…

Zack Kassian wouldn’t have scored

At this point, Kassian is on pace for 18 goals this season, which isn’t too bad considering he’s spent the bulk of the season on the third and fourth lines. Now that he’s actually spending some time on the second line, he’s looking more and more like a top-six forward. If he hadn’t scored, however, he would be on pace for only 16 goals, which is horrible.

Imagine if Tom Sestito got injured

The season would be over! Shut it down!

Instead of giving up six goals, Joacim Eriksson could have been magnificent, shutting out the Ducks

We’ve been fortunate to avoid a goaltending controversy this season, as Eddie Lack has been good, but not great, with Roberto Luongo out of the lineup. Can you imagine either a backup controversy or, even worse, a three-way goaltending controversy? One bad start from Luongo and he ends up a healthy scratch in the press box? That would be awful.


Roberto Luongo could have been in net for all 9 goals

I don’t even want to think about what Twitter would have been like if this happened.

A meteor could have blown out the windows of the Honda Center

You laugh, but it happened in Russia just last year.

You know what’s worse than 9-1? 4-1.

Just ask a Leafs fan.

Henrik Sedin could have injured his hand, preventing him from making his trademark saucer passes

Thankfully, it was already injured.

Paul Devorski could have quietly reffed a great game

And Canucks fans would have nothing to distract them from the terrible loss.

Mark Messier could have been there, wearing a Canucks jersey

Loudly offering everyone in the arena Lays chips while talking about his “legacy” as the greatest Canuck captain of all time.

At least the Canucks still have the league’s best penalty kill…

…in our hearts.

The game could have been followed by a riot

Thank goodness Blake Price runs that postgame hotline for would-be rioters to call and vent.

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  1. steveB
    January 16, 2014

    It could have been worse
    - if I had paid money to fly down to SoCal and watch that game.

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  2. madwag
    January 16, 2014


    if i hadn’t have had a great book to read. a nice light-hearted post which caused me to smile a few times. thanks and cheers. hopefully tonight’s game goes somewhat better.

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  3. Rituro
    January 16, 2014

    It could have been worse…

    #16. It could’ve been 10-1.
    Instead, the Canucks showed just enough resilience to hold the Ducks to a single-digit score. Never give up the fight, kids.

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  4. dontpassjustshoot
    January 16, 2014

    It could have been worse… if when I login to my favourite hockey blog, a little overview video of the blowout pops up in the right hand corner and automatically recaps the whole thing. (Seriously, is there a way to shut that off?)

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  5. Paul from YaleTown
    January 16, 2014

    The loss of a game, as embarassing of a score this one was, is one thing, but what would have made it worse was if the team suffered any injuries – short term or long term.
    This might be the only positive you can take from last nights game.

    But yes, Devorski certainly did distract Canucks fans, for the most part, by his 2nd game of absurd and/or phantom calls. I wonder if he’s going to watch any of his replays.

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  6. DanD
    January 16, 2014

    I don’t know, a three way goalie controversy could have been interesting. As Harrison said on Twitter the other day: “Hockey needs more three-ways.”

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  7. Angry Canadian
    January 16, 2014

    You know, after reading this article, I started hearing Eric Idle sing “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”.

    Of course, since I’ve been following the Canucks for almost forty years, that title is almost a mantra.

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  8. G. Mcrae
    January 16, 2014

    It could have been 9-2 and Bertuzzi made a guest appearance.

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    • lorne parke
      January 16, 2014

      Outstanding. That’s the game it reminded me of. Ooof.

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  9. FrayFray
    January 16, 2014

    That joke about the Leafs is like the Louis CK of hockey jokes – I laugh because it’s so darn painful. Well played, sir.

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