In the third Mighty Ducks movie — an unheralded classic, if you ask Daniel, who claims it’s the best of the trilogy because it’s the truest to actual hockey or some garbage — the new coach, Ted Orion, chews out his squad after the Ducks squander a nine-goal lead. (Again: truest to actual hockey, says Daniel.)
“How long does it take to score a goal?” He asks. “LESS THAN A SECOND!” He’s mad about something.
But do you know what else you can do in less than a second? Win someone the PIMs category in a fantasy head-to-head. On Monday night, in his first shift of the evening, Tom Sestito went after LA’s Jordan Nolan off the faceoff, and after Nolan turtled, Sestito was handed a whopping 27 minutes in penalties.
In Vancouver, this eventful second earned praise. After all, Sestito was doing his job, exacting revenge on Nolan for a run the Kings’ enforcer took at Henrik Sedin. But elsewhere, Sestito’s ability to turn one second into a half hour earned some serious mockery. Tuesday night, Keith Olbermann labelled Sestito the world’s worst person in sports.
“I’d describe him as a hockey player, except he’s not,” Olbermann said, and oooooh boy he was just getting started.
“Sestito earns two minutes for instigating, five minutes for fighting, ten minutes for misconduct, and 10 more minutes for being essentially a 6’5″, 228-lb, boxing hobo on skates. They called it a game misconduct but it was for being a boxing hobo on skates.”
Ouch. Well, I’ll have you know this boxing hobo has one more goal this season than David Clarkson.
Anyway, three things. First: Worse than Carmelo Anthony, who didn’t even know his Knicks had a game the next day? I don’t know about that. Second: Prooooobably unfair to compare Sestito to Gretzky. Third: HEY. ONLY WE GET TO MAKE FUN OF TOM SESTITO. YOU GET OUT OF HERE.
But the real enforcer in the Sestito family is Tom’s 13-year-old sister, Victoria. From Brad Ziemer, working that NHLer sibling beat over at the Vancouver Sun:
Victoria was not amused and fired off this tweet to Olbermann: “The Sestito household enjoys your arrogant left-wing blurbs and we are looking forward to your next-firing ”
In his report, Olbermann noted that Sestito earned $7,268 for his one second of work on Monday night.
“That’s probably a little bit more than your liberal left-wing ass makes,” Victoria tweeted to Olbermann, who replied “Nope, it isn’t.”
Anyway, PITB officially adds Mr. Olbermann to the list of Keiths we would like to see Tom Sestito punch.