On Saturday, I curated Puck Daddy’s year-end list of hockey’s top 10 Twitter moments in 2013, and as you might expect, the countdown featured an appearance from the league’s top quipster, Roberto Luongo, known on the Twitters as @Strombone1.
“We could probably just do a top 10 countdown of Roberto Luongo’s Twitter moments,” I wrote, half-jokingly, before almost immediately realizing that I really should.
But you may notice that this isn’t a top 10 countdown. I can explain: once you start going through the tweets on Luongo’s legendary, unverified account, it’s tough to stop at just 10. So instead, we’ve decided to go full Buzzfeed on you guys. (Well, almost full Buzzfeed. We’ll stop at selecting Ryan Kesler to lead The Gay Revolution, unless that’s what Trollbama decides to rename Team USA in his efforts to make a statement with his Sochi delegation.) Here are Roberto Luongo’s 26 best tweets of 2013:
— Strombone (@strombone1) January 18, 2013
The shortened 2013 campaign began on January 19, 2013. The day before, the NHL sent out a few tweets trying to get fans excited for the upcoming season. This one seemed insensitive.
Eat your heart out Mariah Carey……. pic.twitter.com/LF370ksmGS
— Strombone (@strombone1) August 28, 2013
Luongo takes pride in a sensational sports page front from The Province.
This guy might need a longer jersey by the time it’s all said and done…….. pic.twitter.com/OK0QbMYf
— Strombone (@strombone1) February 13, 2013
— Strombone (@strombone1) October 9, 2013
Considering Tomas Hertl deked Martin Biron out of his shorts and into retirement, Luongo had reason to be concerned.
@imacVanSun that’s why they pay you the big bucks Iain……..
— Strombone (@strombone1) August 20, 2013
Nobody interacts with the local media quite like Luongo does. Honourable mention: when @News1130radio asked for a photo of Luongo at the airport, and Luongo tweeted his view from the sky.
— Strombone (@strombone1) January 8, 2013
When the lockout ended, we learned that one of the wrinkles of the new CBA was a rule that retroactively punished teams that had signed their star players to those long, back-diving contracts. They called it “The Luongo rule”.
@TSNBobMcKenzie wait a minute…… Trades can be made already???
— Strombone (@strombone1) June 14, 2013
Bob McKenzie breaks a minor trade on the eve of game 2 of the Stanley Cup Final. Luongo has a realization.
You sure about this @HLundqvist30 ???
— Strombone (@strombone1) December 4, 2013
After Henrik Lundqvist signs a long-term extension under Alain Vigneault, Roberto Luongo second-guesses the decision.
I have a confession that I’ve been keeping from you guys for way too long…… pic.twitter.com/ESdKcrlg
— Strombone (@strombone1) January 5, 2013
But that’s not to say he doesn’t think Lundqvist is going to love playing for Vigneault.
Hank and Danny missed in the shootout??? I’m shocked!!!
— Strombone (@strombone1) May 16, 2013
During the World Championships in Stockholm, both Sedins get shootout attempt in Sweden’s semifinal game versus Canada. Neither scores, much to the surprise of no one.
@ScottOake can you ask Mr. Gillis if there’s any chance I get an extension?
— Strombone (@strombone1) March 2, 2013
Scott Oake solicits questions. Luongo make a submission.
Just at Canadian Tire picking up a few essentials for tomorrow’s big tilt……. pic.twitter.com/0XXjbBbpNt
— Strombone (@strombone1) November 18, 2013
On the eve of Tim Thomas’s return to Rogers Arena with the Florida Panthers, Luongo makes a quality callback.
— Strombone (@strombone1) June 22, 2013
No one was more excited about the hiring of John Tortorella than this guy.
Just in case you guys missed my conversation with Jose Canseco yesterday here’s a recap……. pic.twitter.com/7iKaVZGG
— Strombone (@strombone1) January 10, 2013
Wherein Jose Canseco, insane person, offers Luongo a hug, and instead, a friendship is formed.
@FriedgeHNIC except for……….
— Strombone (@strombone1) June 29, 2013
This is even funnier in retrospect.
— Strombone (@strombone1) June 17, 2013
Be more sensitive, NHL. You’re lucky that memory’s completely suppressed.
Join me and the panel tonight for the Sens and wings on tsn Wednesday night hockey……..
— Strombone (@strombone1) October 23, 2013
After some serious Twitter sleuthing revives the suspicion that @Strombone1 is ghost-tweeted by James Duthie, Luongo has a little fun. This tweet was followed by another one that simply said, “Oh crap wrong account”. And then, when Duthie chimed in from his real account, Luongo snapped, “shhhhhhhh be quiet you’re ruining my skit!!!”
— Strombone (@strombone1) August 17, 2013
Only Roberto Luongo could use a slyly-snapped photo of LeBron James as an opportunity to zing himself for falling one win short of the Stanley Cup.
I FKIN LOVE GARY! LET’S GO!!!!
— Strombone (@strombone1) January 6, 2013
There were lots of good tweets from NHLers when the lockout came to an end. But this one was my favourite.
Since our 1st year when we arrived together, AV would always tell me that he’d be gone before I would. I guess he was right. Very ironic….
— Strombone (@strombone1) May 22, 2013
This one’s funny in a different sense, as in “funny how that worked out”.
Just an FYI. If Ray Emery ever decides to skate down the ice and try to fight me I’m getting the fuck out of dodge!!!
— Strombone (@strombone1) November 2, 2013
After Ray Emery’s epic beatdown of Braden Holtby, Luongo says what most goalies are thinking.
Do you guys need me to announce any picks at the podium tomorrow @VanCanucks ?
— Strombone (@strombone1) June 30, 2013
At the 2009 entry draft in Luongo’s home town of Montreal, Luongo announced the Canucks’ 1st round pick. But considering the team spent the days leading up to the 2013 draft trying to trade him, it seemed a longshot that they’d need him on hand four years later. Maybe next year, though?
Guys I’ve just been dealt……….. POCKET ACES! #latenightpoker
— Strombone (@strombone1) January 13, 2013
As soon as the rosters were unfrozen in January, people watched and waited to see where Luongo would go. He took the opportunity to troll everyone.
Almost had him………… pic.twitter.com/QB7EEvRp
— Strombone (@strombone1) February 18, 2013
After Alex Burrows’ terrible shootout attempt in January, Luongo mocked his teammate, tweeting out a screengrab of Burrows completely backwards, feet from the netminder. “Almost had him,” he ribbed. That was funny. But it was even funnier when Luongo repeated the joke a month later at his own expense after T.J. Oshie froze him on a five-hole shot.
@Ryan_Kesler sorry about your penis…….
— Strombone (@strombone1) April 22, 2013
Wherein Luongo turns a lame Ryan Kesler tweet into an unforgettable exchange with only four words.
— Strombone (@strombone1) July 1, 2013
And speaking of brevity, what was there to say, really, in the aftermath of the Cory Schneider trade? Not much. This basically summed it up.Tags: strombone1, The Twitters