Incredibly, Henrik Sedin pulls this off.
The Canucks’ annual Dice and Ice event is always a source of mirth and blog fodder, and this year’s event, held Wednesday night, was no exception. If you haven’t seen the video of the team’s quartet of rookies providing backing vocals for Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You”, for instance, you should probably go ahead and do that.
But the highlight of the evening, in this guy’s opinion, were the ugly Christmas sweaters the Canucks donned for the occasion. A few of the photos made the rounds late last night, thanks to Roberto Luongo:
Every kiss begins with K…….. pic.twitter.com/hEtzKFCj45
— Strombone (@strombone1) December 12, 2013
And underrated Smylosophere contributor Bure’s Triple Deke:
— Bure’s Triple Deke (@BuresTripleDeke) December 12, 2013
There were many ugly Christmas sweaters, however — not to mention ugly Christmas vests. The Canucks debuted the whole winter collection in a fashion show and, because there is a God, many photos were taken. On Thursday, the team shared a gallery of promenade. Here are our 10 favourites.
10 | Roberto Luongo
“It looks like a slot machine threw up on him,” said Dale Weise, who was asked to provide commentary on each of the photos. That pretty much sums it up. I’m a big fan of the bears that line the bottom of the sweater. Keep this thing away from David Booth. And speaking of Booth…
9 | David Booth
Honestly, this isn’t a terrible sweater, but who’s idea was it to give Booth the one covered in moose? Look at his face. He can hardly contain himself. My guess is that, as soon as this picture was taken, he instantly started looking down at his collar and making that murder-chortle sound that cats make when they see a bird at the window.
8 | Daniel Sedin
We’re going to assume that, when the Sedins were offered their choice of sweaters, Henrik took the nice one and Daniel was left this with awful, awful vest. Or maybe Daniel ripped the sleeves off to look tougher? If so, bad news, Dank: it’s tough to look tough when your sweater features actual, functioning mittens-on-a-string sewn onto the front of it.
7 | Jannik Hansen
I’m amazed that someone wearing a sweater this stupid can still look so menacing.
6 | Kevin Bieksa
It’s even tougher to look tough when you’re wearing a women’s sweater. I’m pretty sure that’s what this is. Either that or it’s just women-inspired. This looks sort of like someone drank a whole bunch of sangria and then threw up on a navy blue cardigan. But Bieksa is wearing it. Look at him pop the elbow. Sassy.
5 | Eddie Lack
I’m not convinced that Eddie Lack even knew there was an ugly Christmas sweater fashion show planned when he showed up to the event wearing this.
4 | Ryan Kesler
Best thing about this sweater: no two snowmen are alike, just like the snowflakes in between them, and of which they’re comprised. Dale Weise believes this is “hands down the worst,” but that’s only because he missed the visual metaphor. This sweater is deep, you guys.
3 | Jordan Schroeder
Where has Jordan Schroeder been all year? My best guess, after looking at this photo, is up at the North Pole assembling toys. He looks like an actual elf, is what I’m saying.
2 | Zack Kassian
Not so for Kassian. He looks like your uncle that gets out of prison and accompanies you to the school Christmas pageant. “You sit next to Uncle Zack,” you’re told, and you do it, but you really don’t want to, because he’s soooo scary. “Wanna see my scars I got from ‘Nam?” He says. You really, really don’t.
1 | Alex Burrows
And speaking of the school Christmas pageant, Alex Burrows looks like the kid that gets the drummer boy solo. Holy cow. He looks nine. The sweater is bad enough, but that boyish smile, complete with the braces, completes what is, undoubtedly, the best photo of the bunch.
- – - – - – -Canucks, Christmas, Ugly Christmas Sweaters