How that Twitter feud between the Canucks and Oilers should have gone

Coming into Tuesday night’s contest, the Florida Panthers had never beaten the Canucks at Rogers Arena. Never. That in mind, and with the Canucks riding a four-game losing streak and Tim Thomas in the Florida net, Canuck fans sat down for what looked to be a pretty satisfying evening.

It was not. In the end, the only enjoyable moment from Tuesday night was the brief Twitter feud between the official Twitter accounts of the Canucks and, of all teams, the Edmonton Oilers. (@VanCanucks has been a lot sassier this year, I think due to the fact that the @canucksgame account has been retired, meaning any residual in-game snark has bled over to the main account.)

But even that managed to disappoint in the end.

It started innocently enough, with the Canucks gleefully announcing that the fans in-house were jeering Thomas from the stands. Then, for whatever reason, the Oilers — perhaps feeling emboldened by the fact that they were beating the stuffing out of Columbus — felt the need to stand up for Thomas.

Shot to the heart, Oilers. Right in the feels.

Knowing that the entirety of Canucks Nation was now near tears and about to flip (or flip a car), the Canucks did the sensible thing — nay, the right thing — and fired back.

Ooooooooooh. Look at the Canucks throwing some shade. You nasty, @VanCanucks. You nasty.

If I were running the Oilers’ account, this would have only been the beginning. After all, the Oilers have been terrible for quite some time, but they also had a run in which they were, well, quite good. The comebacks write themselves.

Except that apparently they don’t, because rather than firing back with any of the ready-made zingers, the Oilers disappointed the entire hockey world by ending the scene then and there.

Ugh. In improv, we call this blocking. It’s lame. Nobody likes a blocker. (And in hockey, it’s called turtling.)

Thankfully, by this point, the Canucks were looking for a fight, and they also knew what the right response should have been (as well as their response). So they tried to keep things going, tweeting a photo of Cam Ward hoisting the Cup in 2006. Sure enough, the Oilers did it right this time, sharing the Cup photo they should have shared the first time, albeit accompanied by an apology. “Surprised that photo is in colour, let alone not chiseled on a stone tablet,” the Canucks ripped back.

But let’s be honest: fun as that was, the moment was already a bit lost. It no longer felt organic after the Oilers’ “Twitter is fun” comment.

I’ve been bothered by the abrupt end to this exchange since Tuesday night. In my opinion, this ending was way more disappointing than the one in the game.

So let’s just going to pretend it didn’t happen. Using the Lemme Tweet That For You application to forge a few tweets, let’s pretend the Oilers didn’t blow it and take this exchange to where it should have gone.

See, now that’s a retort.

Zing.

I just made myself sad.

See, now things are beginning to escalate. This is how you do a Twitter feud.

And we’re off.

I think we can all agree this is a much better ending.

12 comments

  1. NarkusMaslund
    November 21, 2013

    Awesome. Just awesome.

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    Rating: +13 (from 15 votes)
  2. J21
    November 21, 2013

    I actually think when team accounts employ the discourse of fanboys, it makes them look silly. “Oh yeah, well at least…” sports “arguments” are intelligence-snuffing to begin with, but to have the actual team or insiders doing it makes me lose all faith in the very institution.

    Also, referencing “Moar cupz!!1!!” honestly should be the Godwin’s Law of sports trash talk. The purpose is to trump all discussion by dropping a weighty term… like we’re not allowed to hold an opinion or like certain things about our team because a club with similar jerseys to an existing franchise did some good things in a smaller league where the parameters were completely different?

    Honestly, what Jean Béliveau did when no one had heard of hockey has zero bearing on the 2013 NHL, let alone Canucks’ fans.

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    Rating: +8 (from 10 votes)
    • Harrison Mooney
      November 21, 2013

      I hear you. I think there’s a difference between actual, honest-to-goodness trash-talking and the sort of wry, tongue-in-cheek back-and forth they were doing. Totally down for a chirpy measuring contest so long as it isn’t serious.

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      Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
    • akidd
      November 21, 2013

      ya…but…um…it must be kinda neat to win a cup all the same….

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      Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  3. GeezMoney
    November 21, 2013

    Oh yes, the old “back in 19-dickty-two, the Oilers blew a 5 nothing lead to the weakly LA Kings and produce what is then known as the Miracle on Manchester” Yes, we all have memories. For some of us, that is all we have.

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  4. chocoball
    November 21, 2013

    neither edmonton nor calgary can be considered cities….they’re just sort of fields of ice where polar bears congregate.

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    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
    • PD
      November 22, 2013

      I’m not sure your city’s balmy weather is a point of strength in a hockey-centric sniping contest.

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      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
      • John in Marpole
        November 22, 2013

        Not an issue since the first artificial ice arenas were opened here on the balmy Wet Coast, thanks to the Patrick brothers.

        The fact that west coast players make the show without having the advantage of 24/7 winter seasons of free outdoor ice to hone their skills on underlines that quite well.

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  5. laplander
    November 21, 2013

    Now that’s an unfair comment. for part of the year the ice goes away to form mud. We don’t get mun in Vacouver; the rain washes it all away…

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    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  6. laplander
    November 21, 2013

    “mud in Vancouver” sorry, I slipped on the ice. Vancouver isn’t supposed to get this cold. :-(

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  7. Blueliner
    November 22, 2013

    Oh man the addition of the Flames at the end was unexpected; it cracked me right up!

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  8. ana
    November 26, 2013

    post it on ao3, mooney. :)

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