Guest Post: Canucks 2013-14 season preview, by Five For Howling

There have been some big changes for the Canucks this offseason, but the one that could have the most impact is realignment, which brought an unfortunate end to the crack den that was the Northwest Division and threw the Canucks into the far more functional and together Pacific Division. Bummer.

But let’s not dwell on what’s lost. Let’s look to the future and meet some of our new divisional buddies! We’ve invited a stable of Pacific Division bloggers to preview the Canucks season, the new division, or their own teams for us here at Pass it to Bulis, and over the next week, we’ll be sharing the results with you. (Warning: most of them chose to roast us, which is probably what we would have done.) Next up: Phoenix Coyotes blog Five For Howling.

by Five For Howling

Five For Howling and Bud Light Molson present… Real Teams of Genius.

Real teams of genius!!

Here’s to you, Vancouver Canucks…

While you may be 0-for-2 in your Stanley Cup Final appearances over the last 20 years, at least you can take pride in going 2-for-2 in the world-class, post-loss riot department.

Burn down all the things…

And while there’s that empty spot in your trophy case, you can rest assured knowing you have an Olympic-caliber diving team.

Take that, Greg Louganis…

But after racking up unholy win totals against teams that made the Washington Generals look like the Dream Team, you find yourself in the Pacific Division this year.

At least you still have Calgary to pick on…

So welcome to the Pacific Division, and a whole bunch of teams the stats people tell me you’ve flailed against in the last couple seasons. At least you’ll get to enjoy the nice weather down here while Torts swears at your team, reporters, and the guy at the arena who didn’t hold the door for him.

24C and sunny in February…

But I’m sure you’ll be just fine with a coach whose name sounds like an entrée at CinCin Ristorante, an American tumbleweed and a goalie who’d rather be posting photos of his toilet on Twitter than net-minding for the Canucks.

Hashtagging in the washroom…

So here’s to you, Vancouver – a Real Team of Genius!

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23 comments

  1. RK
    October 2, 2013

    “0-for-2″

    Huh.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      October 2, 2013

      That’s my bad. I should have caught that in editing. Fixed.

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      • Rituro
        October 3, 2013

        Might just be my browser being weird but it still says 0-for-2. (And just so I’m not crazy: 1982, 1994, 2011, right?)

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  2. russellgburger
    October 2, 2013

    Easily the worst of the guest posts…the others were, for the most part, intelligent. This is just trolling dressed up as a blog post. Looking forward to the usual quality from the excellent regulars.

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  3. biznow
    October 2, 2013

    I’m not usually a negative commenter, but it feels like this guest article was written in 5 minutes from the toilet during a morning dookie. But perhaps that’s where they serve their 5 for Howling.

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  4. Chris the Curmudgeon
    October 2, 2013

    The last three guest posts were solid, I guess something had to break the streak.

    Jokes about riots, diving, no Cups, beating up an easy division…I mean, I thought people in Arizona didn’t believe in recycling.

    On the plus side, kudos for finding someone who cares enough about the Coyotes to write a blog about them.

    “a whole bunch of teams the stats people tell me you’ve flailed against in the last couple seasons”, well I’m assuming you’re excluding yourself, being that the Canucks haven’t lost a season series against Phoenix since 2000-01, when we finished 1-0-1-2 against them. Yep, that 3rd line is ties, remember those? The last time the Coyotes got the best of the Canucks over a full season, the NHL had them.

    On a serious note, last year the Canucks finished 6-7-2 against the Pacific Division during the shortened season. The previous time they had finished below .500 against any Western Conference division was 2007-08. Yep, you read that correctly, for 4 years in a row the Canucks carried an even record or better against every division in the West. For some historical perspective, Minnesota, Colorado and Calgary all made the playoffs in 2008. Furthermore, over these two recent President’s Trophy seasons combined, the Canucks finished 47-21-12 against NON-Northwest opponents, which projected over a full season equates to 109 points, in other words, a President’s Trophy pace. So wait, what was my point again? Oh yeah, maybe time to fire your “stats people”.

    Though really, you might as well all get yourselves used to watching football for when the team finally pulls up stakes for Seattle in 5 years. In the meantime, leave the hockey commentary for those of us who actually understand the sport. I mean, sure I suppose the weather won’t be as sunny in Seattle in February, but the flip side is you can step out your front door without the risk of dying in 115 degree heat in the summertime.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      October 2, 2013

      Well, we can’t all be astronauts.

      Now that the series is over, I’m curious to know how do you feel about it? My criteria for this blog has always been “run stuff I would want to read”, so I enjoyed it immensely from beginning to end, and I’m really glad we did it, especially since it yielded TRH and FTF’s entries. I’m stoked to be in a division with those guys. They’ll be fun to collaborate with later on.

      How about you?

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      • Quinn
        October 2, 2013

        Overall, it was great. the TRH and FTF posts were excellent. Lambert’s was awesome. This one was a bit weak, but conceptually the whole thing was a winner.

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      • Chris the Curmudgeon
        October 2, 2013

        Those two were easily the best two entries in the series. I mean, a roast is all good every now and again, but there’s also a reason why message boards are heavily moderated and have “anti-troll” rules. To quote the rules at canucks.com (which I mostly consider a haven of stupidity):

        ‘This is a Canucks site and Canucks fans have a right to a place where they can discuss the team amongst themselves in peace…’

        So while it’s all well and good to have some good-natured banter now and again, mostly I think your readers come here because it’s a place to read and discuss our team in an intelligent way (plus you two guys are funny). I read your work regularly on PD, but if this forum becomes overrun with the types of trolls and morons you see on Yahoo, a lot of your regular readers will be unhappy. In summary, if it remains civil and fun and occasional, I’m all for it, but if it turns into childish insults and trolling from other fans, I think I speak for a lot of us in quoting a certain prominent California personality: “Hasta La Vista, Baby”.

        As to being in a division with the California teams, it sure beats trying to get up for watching the Avalanche and Wild so often, not to mention that I should be able to get to more games (sadly, I’m not going tomorrow).

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      • Chris the Curmudgeon
        October 2, 2013

        PS: astronauts? I don’t get it.

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      • biznow
        October 2, 2013

        It’s a good concept, as long as the guest posters put a little effort into it. (I’m looking at you 5FH)

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      • akiddddd
        October 2, 2013

        i liked the posts where we got information about the rival teams, something guest-bloggers would be much better qualified at than generalizations about the canucks. a little trash-talking is fine, especially if it’s well-informed and analytical, but too much and the overall lasting flavour is…unsavoury.

        i guess we’re used to a higher bar around here….

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        • Harrison Mooney
          October 2, 2013

          Part of me hates it when you guys rip new stuff we try with “you’re better than this!” but it’s so damn flattering… I’m conflicted.

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        • Neil B
          October 2, 2013

          Seeing as how Vancouver is at sea level, nearly everywhere else (outside of the Dead Sea) has higher bars.

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      • tom selleck's moustache
        October 2, 2013

        @Mooney

        Like most everyone, I thought this particular post was not up to snuff; overall, though I liked the series and thought it was a good idea. As akiddddd mentioned, I think I would prefer stuff that gives us a more informed take on a rival team from a blogger that has an inside view; however, starting off a season with a little bit of smack talking can be a lot of fun when done right.

        Done right being key, of course. I recall a mini series you (I think) did with Greg on PD where you were both glorifying and lording about why your respective national teams (Canada and USA respectively) would win gold. That tongue in cheek stuff was really enjoyable to read as it was pretty clear it was in jest. Fear the Fin’s, I thought, excellent due to the self-awareness that was involved which, by extension, led to me learning some new things about the Sharks.

        So, yeah, as long as it remains at the level of FTF and TRH, I say keep it coming.

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      • Nee
        October 2, 2013

        I like the roast idea. It’s a nice departure from the blogs usual content. I hate to be a jerk though…but this particular one was pretty weak. Maybe the person didn’t have enough time? Also, I know they’re not in our division but I feel like Second City Hockey (Chicago) should have gotten a shot at this too – that rivalry has been fading a little bit, but CHI-VAN interactions usually mushroom quite nicely into back alley knife fights. : )

        Guest posts in general are welcome in my opinion. It’s nice to hear a new voice once in awhile (though I love you Mooney and Wagner).

        Is there a way we could bring the rival fanbases in again later this season? Maybe a mid-season check-in or something? Would be nice to help foster a friendly rivalry.

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        • Harrison Mooney
          October 2, 2013

          Oh yeah, they’ll all be back in some capacity. We’ll make friends with an Oilers blog too.

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      • John in Marpole
        October 3, 2013

        By and large, this was a very entertaining series. I’d like to see similar material during the season a time or 2 each month. It would work well, I think, for teams who haven’t been to vancouver in 2 or 3 season, such as Pittsburgh. And, for a change of pace, how about asking some guest bloggers to roast their home team? The Sharks entry in this series was proof positive that PITB isn’t the only self-aware blog out there.

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  5. BV
    October 2, 2013

    Bit of a lackluster article compared to the previous much more humourous entries. Relies on the clicheed Canucks carves as opposed to artful writing.

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  6. Aaron
    October 2, 2013

    Wow Chris I love how so many people think the Canucks beat up on thier own weak division when the reality is as you pointed out is they almost seem to take it easy on thier own division and do better outside it! The canucks beat up teams outside thier division. I just don’t understand how may people have already written of the Canucks when this is the first year time in a couple years that all the key pieces are in place and healthy. Plus no more sitting back on a lead and tha cost us more than a few times over the years!!

    Go Canucks Go!!!!

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  7. Iceman
    October 2, 2013

    Overall I like the concept of “getting to know your neighbors (enemies?)” and reading what the other bloggers around the league have to say, whether it’s about their team or our own. I figure a true fan shouldn’t have a problem expanding his/her view, beyond a pair of homer glasses that we tend to wear most of the time.

    Unfortunately so far I have not seen much difference between these posts by ‘guests’ and the ignorant comments by trolls, except for TRH and FTF’s piece. And now this one… well, let’s just say it makes tom1040′s posts almost look like a Pulitzer material. This one went straight downhill from the get go with its juvenile posture and the lack of originality. If it was in the comments section it may qualify as trolling but a feature post? Sorry, I really don’t see this one fits.

    Having said that though, I trust PITB with my life (well maybe not literally :-) ) and have no issue running with the series if that’s the idea. It’s your blog and you guys are the ones who make this place so enjoyable for us Canuck nation. At the end of the day I’m just happy to stop by and reading your articles, adding my 2cents here and there.

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  8. will
    October 2, 2013

    I guess the series was OK. Getting raked over the coals repeatedly because of a riot that myself and the vast majority of Canuck fans had nothing to do with has gotten a bit old hat. Perhaps we were expected to race downtown and maintain the peace like some sort of Blue and Green clad Batman wannabes? Not sure but I find it particularly hypocritical to get blasted by anyone representing a California based team over rioting…they know a thing or two about riots down there I heard. To say nothing of the multiple gun fatalities resulting from the Giants/Dodgers rivalry that have occurred over the last few years.

    I’m all for some healthy trash talk, but I think if ‘guest’ bloggers are going to be invited on what I feel is probably the Canucks blog most capable of poking fun at the team and its fans, a few ground rules, namely, get more creative than the tired old ‘lolriot’ tact, would be welcome.

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  9. Momo
    October 2, 2013

    Did no-one watch the attached video? I think he was doing a send-up, no? I laughed out loud at both, and am looking forward to our new frenemy relationships!

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