Spitballin’ on creepy Jason Garrison, Twitter-free Luongo, and a prescient John Tortorella

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass ITBulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

•••

Tortorella: still super nice. Just way nice.

It’s the first day of training camp, and John Tortorella appears to have already switched into autumn mode:

 

Fact: John Tortorella is prescient. It makes him a good coach, but it also makes your questions irrelevant. He knows what you might ask about, and if you weren’t told before you asked, you weren’t supposed to know.

Roberto Luongo: Twitter account? Who, me?

Speaking of Tortorella, yesterday, we examined his opinions on Twitter, which aren’t exactly positive. He doesn’t like it, and he doesn’t get it, which seems weird, since he’s effectively running a poor man’s version of @emergencypuppy. All you do is tweet photos of dogs, Torts. Looks like you know exactly what Twitter is for.

But alas, despite his inadvertent Twitter excellence, the Canucks coach isn’t fond of the social media site, and neither is he fond of his players tweeting in-season. It’s a bad omen for those of us who love the in-season antics of Roberto Luongo, also known as @strombone1. On Wednesday, Luongo was asked about Tortorella’s potential crackdown on his tweeting. What will become of the diva tour?

His response: “I’m not on Twitter. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Clever.

Jason Garrison might need to work on his casual turn to the camera

The Canucks have an active Youtube channel, and like many who pour a ton of their time and effort into their online presence, they would like to be rewarded with more followers. To that end, they recruited Jason Garrison to make a short video urging fans to subscribe to their channel. The premise is as old as time: Garrison is walking along, when suddenly he spots the camera, which represents you, the viewer, then casually turns with an “Oh hey, Canucks fans.”

Again, that’s supposed to be casually. Instead, what Garrison gives us is the most intense turn you’ll ever see in your life. Dude is wide-eyed and sinister. We’re getting that wasn’t how the scene was directed.

OH HEY. I COLLECT FLESH.

Alex Edler is bored

In a lot of ways, Alex Edler is the key to this season. He has all the tools to be an elite NHL defenceman, but getting him to engage all those tools at once, to consistently play at that high level, is a real trick. And if having an engaged Edler is the goal, well, this image doesn’t bode well.

Wake up, buddy. You’d think a guy who grew up on Bergman films might have a longer attention span.

Kevin Bieksa: “Last year was straight-up embarrassing”

No doubt. But it’s good to hear it from someone on the team. If the sweep frustrated a lot of fans, even more were frustrated by the Canucks’ unwillingness to just say something like this. But there you have it.

I hate talking about players’ motivations — the adversities they deal with that are somehow supposed to make them play harder — since I feel like these guys are elite competitors who made it to this level because they didn’t have to be reminded to try hard, but occasionally it’s nice to hear that a group of guys is playing with a chip on their shoulder, and it certainly sounds like the Canucks are.

Furthermore, while Tortorella may run out his welcome here over the next few years, in the early going, at least, I think the last two early playoff ousters and the threat of more to come are all the motivation these guys need to try things his way without incident.

Ryan Kesler seems especially interested, maybe even worrisomely so:

 

People have wondered aloud if Kesler and Torts would butt heads, but I agree with Kesler that their competitive natures could make them a strong match. My concern is that having a coach who would cut off a player’s body part to win and a player, Kesler, who would cut off his own body parts to win will result in Kesler actually, finally cutting off a body part this year.

These two might be bad for each other after all.

Tags:

9 comments

  1. Nee
    September 11, 2013

    Kevin Bieksa: “Last year was straight-up embarrassing”

    Nice to hear him express the frustration that a lot of fans have.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +18 (from 18 votes)
  2. iain
    September 11, 2013

    wow. what a great photo.

    edler is asleep.
    garrison just spotted a hottie at the back.
    hammer is dreaming about skating on the ice at sochi wearing his cool new team canada jersey
    and, zack….zack is like, where am i? what am i doing? what’s going on? why are people asking me questions? geeez, life is soooo complicated.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +16 (from 18 votes)
  3. cathylu
    September 11, 2013

    I am starting my prayers to the hockey gods now on this first day of training camp. Let us have a GREAT year. Amen.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +8 (from 8 votes)
  4. akidd
    September 11, 2013

    i’m looking forward to bieksa having a good season, one of which he won’t be embarrassed. focus this year, please, kev. and hopefully torts will break up the bieksa/edler pairing. that was a long trainwreck. bieksa/hamhuis, tanev/edler, garrison/corrado, please, or something to that effect.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +4 (from 6 votes)
    • Neil B
      September 11, 2013

      I agree with your reasoning, akidd; I just have my doubts. Torts is kinda known for riding his big horses on the blueline, so I’m kinda suspecting we’ll end up with bieksa/hamhuis, garrison/edler (since edler can’t play out of position, and garrison can, sort of), and some combo of tanev/corrado/weber getting about 12 minutes a game.

      VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
      Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
      • akidd
        September 11, 2013

        Hey neil b, ya, i hear you. someone has to get edler going and i think tanev is the best man for the job. but i like garrison too, on the left side.

        but i worry about tortorella’s greenness when it comes to the canucks and the western conference. i might get a bit ancy having to watch him go through the learning process. i wonder if a gruelling training camp is the way to go with so many air-miles ahead. i wonder what the toll could be if a couple guys go down with shot-blocking injuries and others have to play extra minutes to cover. i wonder if you really want to use the sedins too much on the pk. it was a pretty good pk already. kinda want to use their game/season energy to score goals i’d think.

        gillis knows all about the fatigue stuff. i wonder how much of his considerable knowledge on the subject he’s managed to convey to tortorella. maybe gillis is going to throw it all into the wind for awhile in favour of a culture change. “screw the research, bag skate ‘em all you want, john.” kinda thing. i wonder.

        VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  5. smj
    September 12, 2013

    According to Gillis Torts is all about the science – so maybe he’ll listen to the sleep docs etc. Anyone have any idea what they were referring to when they said this year the testing will be scientific, unlike previous camp testing? Is that a little shot at team grouse grind or something? I’m pretty sure they’ve always done VO2 max, which I’m pretty sure is based in science? Just curious what is different…

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  6. DanD
    September 12, 2013

    Oh man, that Garrisson video is fantastic!

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  7. Pavo
    September 12, 2013

    Edler’s expression makes me feel all nostalgic – brings back memories of double physics periods in school.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)