John Tortorella hates in-season tweeting and he hates your Twitter account, you narcissist

There was a time, and not that long ago, when Ryan Kesler’s advertorial-heavy Twitter account was about as good as fans were going to get out of the Canucks locker room. But Twitter has been kind to us over the past couple of years, with Kevin Bieksa and Alex Burrows signing up, leading to some incredibly strange and entertaining conversations, Eddie Lack emerging as both a top-notch fellow and a top-notch follow, David Booth treating pro-death fans to photos of stuff he killed, of course, Roberto Luongo using the site to inject a little levity into his never-ending drama.

But now there is a threat to the Twitter Shangri-La the Vancouver Canucks locker room has become: John Tortorella, hater of tweets.

The newly-hired Canucks coach is still on his personality rehabilitation tour, and on Monday night, he visited Sportsnet’s James Cybulski to talk about his kinder, gentler approach to the media. (Be sure to note Cybulski’s precocious puppy dog smile throughout. It’s wise. Tortorella is known to love puppies, so looking as puppy-like as possible is a savvy interview strategy.)

The problem: while Tortorella purports to be a nice now — inasmuch as quotes like “I think I have something to offer, as far as being a decent person” seem like things a nice guy as opposed to a scary mean guy trying to pretend he’s a nice guy might say — his newfound respect for the media does not extend to social media.

While he prefaced it by admitting that he thinks he’s been “a little bit behind as far as this social media and all of the stuff that goes on with that,” Tortorella’s opinion of Twitter does not bode well for anyone hoping for more online silliness from the 2013-14 Canucks.

“Quite honestly,” he said, “I think that Twitter and tweeting is probably one of the most narcissistic things I’ve ever seen as far as people saying ‘I’m here doing this’.”

Uh oh. He’s not going to like us, then. I tweeted that very thing this morning.

 

But the truly scary part came when Cylbulski asked if Tortorella was opposed to his players tweeting:

“During the season, yeah. I am,” he said. That’s right. In John Tortorella’s world, tweeting, like peaches, are not in season.

Thankfully, Tortorella knows he can’t ban Twitter outright, not when he’s trying not to lose the room like he lost the last one.

“Before I said… you’re not going to,” he told Cybulski. “This is part of some of the reassessing of today’s athlete. I think I need to meet them halfway. [But] there better be nothing coming out of our locker room as far as what’s going on there.”

In other words, the Canucks will be tweeting on eggshells this season. It’s a terrifying thought. I mean, sure, we want a Stanley Cup and Tortorella might be able to provide that, but if it comes at the expense of stuff like this or this, I don’t know, you guys. I just don’t know.

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17 comments

  1. Chris the Curmudgeon
    September 10, 2013

    With the number of first-born children, significant others, body parts (eg: arms, legs and testicles) and years off the ends of lives that Canucks fans would collectively offer up for a Stanley Cup, I personally think we can handle a minor drop in the tweet frequency if it would help the team to the raise the prize next June.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      September 10, 2013

      NEVER

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  2. ikillchicken
    September 10, 2013

    Ooh, so close. We almost made it all the way to training camp without Torts being a caustic jackass for absolutely no reason.

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  3. lol
    September 10, 2013

    Torts..total flaming moron

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  4. Bob
    September 10, 2013

    I wonder what he thinks of “Keslurking” – great incident at 1:15 of this video:
    http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=681608

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    • jrc
      September 11, 2013

      Oh, how we’ve missed the Keslurk!

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  5. Kelvin Yu
    September 10, 2013

    FIRE HIM NOW

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  6. iain
    September 10, 2013

    i’m liking torts better and better

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  7. Nee
    September 10, 2013

    I <3 the title of this post. Cracked me up.

    Also, what's so bad about Twitter? DON'T YOU ALL WANT TO HEAR WHAT I ATE FOR BREAKFAST?

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  8. tj
    September 10, 2013

    Well, Twitter saved Luongo’s reputation, so either Torts wants Luongo gone, or he’d best take up Twitter. I see no other option.

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  9. akidd
    September 11, 2013

    some flames fan must have wished, ‘interesting times’ on the canucks because i think we got ‘em. it’s not like the powderkeg is about to blow, it’s more like there’s a huge pile of powder sitting next to a giant keg and someone’s out looking for a deal on a fuse.

    that being said i kinda understand tortorella’s squeamishness with the new social media narcissist trend. kind of ups the ante on just regular old-skool narcissism. adapt or perish, torts.

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  10. Mack
    September 11, 2013

    Strombone1 or Stanley Cup…. I’ve never had a harder choice to make.

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  11. TJ
    September 12, 2013

    Torts is right on — Twitter is largely narcissistic by nature, many tweets are simply time-wasters (no, I don’t need to know about your eating/sleeping/drinking/shopping/sex habits) — but used timely & properly, it can offer good humour & entertainment (see Strombone1). The Canucks players are grown men, they should know enough to keep the locker room stuff private — if not, it’ll only take one inappropriate tweet and that player will be in the doghouse (from both Torts and the rest of the team).

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  12. dan
    September 13, 2013

    Torts is right, it’s the most narcissistic crap you can do…post your every whim and expect someone to be interested. The only thing worse than tweeting is following someones tweets.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      September 13, 2013

      Twitter is really only narcissistic if you run your account that way. You can also just run an interesting account where you interact with people, share your work and other stuff you find interesting, and be connected to what’s going on in the world.

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  13. Ed
    September 14, 2013

    What a hypocrite. Torts is on Twitter himself:

    https://twitter.com/JohnTortorella2

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    • Daniel Wagner
      September 14, 2013

      Not that hypocritical, really. He doesn’t actually run the account himself. One of his daughters does, I believe, and he only started the account to promote his charity work with animal shelters. That’s why nearly all the tweets are about dogs available at shelters and announcements of various charity events.

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