Thieves make off with Roberto Luongo’s tires, leave him with useless tire pump

Nothing is going Roberto Luongo’s way this off-season. Instead of finally getting traded out of Vancouver to a place with less drama — say, The CW — he took his mind off his troubles at the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas. Unlike last year, when he finished in the money, Luongo busted out on the second day of the tournament, leaving empty-handed.

Fortunately he’s got that whole hockey thing to fall back on, except for the fact that he’s been tight-lipped about his potential return to the Canucks next season, leaving many fans nervous. Personally, I’m not too concerned, as Luongo’s had other things on his mind, like his brother’s wedding in Montreal last week.

He returned Monday to his home in Florida, likely hoping that the rest of the off-season would be quiet and uneventful.

Of course, since it’s Luongo, that’s impossible. He woke up this morning to find that thieves had stolen all four tires from his SUV. Seriously, this guy has no luck.

If the image in that last hashtag doesn’t show up for you, it’s…well, it’s a picture of a turd, and not the kind that Alex Burrows wants the Canucks to win.

Meanwhile, other Canucks are dealing with far more pressing issues. Immediately preceding Luongo’s tweet on PITB’s Twitter list of Canucks players is this tweet from Jordan Schroeder:

Yep. I couldn’t possibly think of anything more annoying than getting stuck in traffic, other than maybe getting stuck in your own dang driveway because you don’t have any tires.

So, the day after Luongo returns to Florida from Montreal, someone steals his tires. It’s almost as if someone was trying to scare him back to Canada.

“Let’s pull off this mask and see who you really are!”

“Mike Gillis?!”

“And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.”

It’s too bad, really. Tim Thomas may have finally been coming around on the idea of pumping Luongo’s tires. Now he doesn’t have any to pump.

 

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12 comments

  1. PB
    August 13, 2013

    Florida: 2nd only to New Jersey as the worst place in the US (in real life, not in hockey as that’s obviously a tie between Boston and Chicago).

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    • Chris the Curmudgeon
      August 14, 2013

      No way man, Detroit is worse than both of them.

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    • skarret
      August 19, 2013

      And you’re forgetting that not everywhere in New Jersey is inhabited by guidos and trash (for lack of a better word). The very north of New Jersey’s pretty nice (so says an Islanders fan, deep in Devils territory mwahaha).

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  2. DanD
    August 13, 2013

    Tires! Seriously! I really feel for Lu.

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    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  3. Fred
    August 13, 2013

    Talk about being caught flat footed.

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    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  4. Suleiman Damji
    August 13, 2013

    Man i Feel for u Luongo why would they wanna steal your tires hope they catch who ever did this.

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  5. iain
    August 14, 2013

    Lou took home, what, $10m (?) last year and this year $6m and will be paid over a $1m/yr past the end of time itself, and he can’t afford a house with a secure garage?

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    Rating: -3 (from 5 votes)
  6. madwag
    August 14, 2013

    one might say it’s time for him to re-tire. one might be “posting comments too quickly”.

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    Rating: +7 (from 9 votes)
  7. shhhman
    August 14, 2013

    Lu actually lives in a gated community in Tampa so people leave their cars out the garage all the time. Things happen…move on..

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  8. hegemonyboy
    August 14, 2013

    No locking wheel nuts? My car came with them standard, and it cost 1/6th of what his ride did. #getwiththeprogram

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    • proc
      August 15, 2013

      My tires were stolen and I had locking wheels nuts. Imagine that, a tire thief who comes prepared

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  9. tj
    August 15, 2013

    Poor Lu. He has a spate of bad luck, and folks still find a way to blame him.

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