Spitballin’ on Kassian’s favourite snack, Ballard’s patience, and Booth’s new Twitter account

Spitballin’ (or Super Pass ITBulis: All In, if you love adventurous acronymizing) is a feature that allows us to touch on a multitude of things really fast, because in the world of hockey, there are always lots of things to find and colour. Here are a few quick topics.

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Zack Kassian alleges his favourite snack food is fruit

You may still have your issues with the trade that wrought Zack Kassian in exchange for Cody Hodgson, but any time I have my doubt, I just sit back and watch Kassian in interviews. The dude is so awkward and so spaced that everything he says trends toward hilarity. I love it.

Case in point: Kassian is the star of another edition of King of the Rink, that Newlywed Game-style feature where three Canucks are forced to answer questions about teammate before the teammate answers them himself. In a rare feat, Kassian’s answers are funnier than the three teammates. Observe:

First of all, Kassian clearly doesn’t understand the first question if he thinks fruit is a snack food. Granted, neither does Steve Pinizzotto, who answers “ketchup” both to the question of Kassian’s favourite snack and the thing Kassian would bring with him to a desert island.

Kassian, meanwhile, says “food”. This guy, man. It’s like he’s never heard the question before. He may as well have said “a way off the island”.

And finally, Keith Ballard thinks that if Zack Kassian wasn’t a hockey player, he’d be a gas station attendant.

Keith Ballard might be amenable to a change of scenery, which is surprising

Speaking of Ballard, the Canuck defenceman has been weirdly (suspiciously, even) zen about his time in Vancouver. But the whole facade has come crumbling down, as Ballard’s agent finally let loose on the Canucks organization and the fact that they’ve been treating his client like a wet bag of hot garbage!

“It will be good for him if he does get bought out because he’ll get a fresh start somewhere else,” Ben Hankinson told the Sun’s Brad Ziemer.

Good for him! Yeah, suck on that Canucks, Ballard has had it!

Okay, that’s not exactly a damning indictment. But, amazingly, it is the first indication from Ballard’s camp we’ve really ever gotten that he might prefer to be in a place that wanted him. Ballard deserves full credit for that. All you have to do is look at a guy like Sheldon Souray, who blasted the Oilers and spent the entirety of 2010-11 in the minors as a result. I’d suggest that Ballard is more unhappy than he lets on, but he’s too smart to say anything about it.

Alain Vigneault made wealthier in a New York minute

How much longer is a New York minute than a regular minute, anyway?

As expected, it didn’t take Alain Vigneault long to find another job. The New York Rangers have signed up for five years of Vigneault at a reported $10 million. I’d make some snarky comment, like, weird that the Rangers would invest so much in a coach that sucks, but really, that is the sort of thing a Glen Sather-run team would do. Heck, they were considering handing the job to Mark Messier, that bastion of NHL coaching experience who sucks.

Anyway, they lucked out and hired a pretty intelligent dude in spite of themselves.

We wish Vigneault nothing but the best in New York, unless the Rangers and the Canucks happen to meet in the Stanley Cup Final on his watch, at which point we wish him nothing but the worst. If that happens, we hope he inadvertently swallows his lozenge prematurely and his throat hurts for hours.

David Booth is learning

David Booth is in Year 2 on Twitter now, and he’s getting better at this thing. For instance, he wants to share his hunting exploits with family, friends, and interested fans, but he knows that not everyone wants their timelines full of photos of stuff he killed. With that in mind, he’s created a second account, @offseason7, from which he’ll be tweeting his hunting exploits.

 

Want to follow David Booth into the wilderness? Click follow. Don’t want to? Don’t follow. It’s the same principle as before, except that now you have even less of an excuse for not adhering to it.

Roberto Luongo: still the best

While Booth is figuring this Twitter thing out, Roberto Luongo figured it out some time ago. Here’s yet another amazing tweet from our favourite account:

 

Yeah, neither do we.

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6 comments

  1. PB
    June 20, 2013

    Brilliant.

    Ketchup Kassian is the most entertaining interview since we had Mogilny here. Except he doesn’t seem to understand what exactly is going on — TV cameras, reporters, hockey, life — it’s all a blur to him. The only thing more awkward than these interviews is his subway commercial with Khoklachev which was confusing and slightly disturbing.

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  2. Cam
    June 20, 2013

    Haha, David Booth is the best. I am looking forward to a full season from him.

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  3. TamaraB
    June 20, 2013

    If you can hunt, you can play? Get Booth back on the ice!

    Kassian… Oh Kassian…. it’s like all his sense goes to hockey and we’re left with whatever is left over. And what’s left over is GOLD. Pure Gold.

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  4. Lifeforce
    June 20, 2013

    Re: To become a better sportsman do the opposite of Tommy
    Is Mr. Booth saying that Tommy Goebel is a “bad” hunter? What is his definition between a bad or good killer ? Remember Mr.Booth baited and painfully wounded a bear. They waited until the following day to see if the bear eventually died. Stop Trophy Hunting!!!

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  5. v
    June 20, 2013

    no love for “keith and zach’s secret song”?

    i really wish they didn’t need to get rid of ballard. this might be blasphemous but he’s easily the funniest canuck

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  6. westcan
    June 24, 2013

    I had always thought that at New York minute was SHORTER than a regular minute. Which is it?

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