The unfortunate results of the Utica Comets mascot design contest

Shortly after the Utica Comets were unveiled last week, we at PITB came to the realization that something was lacking. That something: a mascot. While the Canucks’ affiliate has a name and a crest and jerseys and, most importantly, a city to play in, they’re lacking in the giant, foamy creature that runs around the arena scaring and delighting children in equal measure department.

So we decided to do something about it, inviting our readers to submit designs for the thing, so as to save the Canucks some time. The submissions were all excellent. No doubt they’re all better than what anyone inside the Canucks organization could come up with.

At the top of the post is my submission, Gromit the Comet. He’s an anthropomorphic comet with attitude. His favourite movie is Armageddon, but he hates that the badguys won in the end.

Here’s another submission by yours truly:

It’s Tom Sestito! Think about it: he’s big, he has expressive features, he’s from nearby Rome, New York, so he’ll connect with the locals, and the Canucks don’t really need him since his primary job is to get people fired up instead of playing hockey, which sure sounds like a mascot to me!

Stephen King (not that Stephen King) thinks the ideal mascot would be a half-packed suitcase with an Abbotsford sticker on it.

“Just because I work for Disney doesn’t mean I can draw like Disney”, he tells us, as if that needed to be said.

Speaking of animated classics, Peter Roberts suggests Coach Comet from a beloved Christmas special:

Could work. After all, while Comet is your instructor, he also wants to be your pal. But there might be some royalty problems there.

Carlo Chong submits the far less approachable “Twin Comets”, which I imagine were created after a very vivid nightmare:

AAAAAUUUUUGHHH. That is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

Once you get over your initial horror, just try to imagine how they would realize this thing. I guess one of the heads could be foam and the other could be real? I don’t know. This seems as challenging to bring to life as it is to look at without weeping in terror.

More horror: Jacob Ross-Ewart gives us this abomination.

Jacob explains: “According to Wikipedia, Utica is known as the ‘Handshake City’. What better way to welcome fans to the arena than to have this happy guy doling out friendly handshakes? When the Comets score a goal, he could do his patented Hand Shake dance (presumably, just him writhing around spasmodically). Really, the possibilities are endless.”

No they aren’t.

We had a number of submissions for the dog from Full House.

Sadly, the Kids Choice Award-nominated dog that played Comet died in 1998, but even if he hadn’t, he would have been tough to get, what with all his Air Bud money.

Don Elliott thinks the solution is obvious: the entire cast of Armageddon.

I’m sure we’re all thinking the same thing now: Owen Wilson was in that movie? Huh. Anyway, this is a terrible idea for several reasons.

We got a number of submissions exactly like these two, from Don Falconer and Matt Hastings, respectively:

I’m partial to the one on the right, because it has Shaggy’s legs and arms. (This Shaggy. Not this Shaggy.)

SK Brown suggests, rather than going with the literal can of Comet, go with Comet’s old pitchwoman, Josephine the Plumber:

The only issue I can see now is that Jane Withers, who played Josephine, is 87 now. But she’s probably not busy, so there’s that.

She’s wearing a Salo is Your Pal-O t-shirt, because he’s still mad about that. It’s way, way, way too late now, but one day we’re going to sort that whole mess out.

Cory Lavalette suggests a humanoid Chicken Riggie, which is apparently Utica’s number one restaurant delicacy:

Two things: first, that looks disgusting. Secod, how is it getting around, Cory? HOW.

And finally, Kelvin Yu goes for the gusto:

Clearly, he put a lot of effort into that, but I’m not sure Ilya Bryzgalov is going to go along with it. You never know, though. Bryz is crazy.

Anyway. I feel like nobody took this contest seriously for some reason.

21 comments

  1. Gary
    June 19, 2013

    Owen Wilson was in Armageddon?? I had to check IMDB to make sure you hadn’t photoshopped that pic

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  2. iain
    June 19, 2013

    they ALL look photoshopped

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    • biznow
      June 19, 2013

      Yah, I hate it when they do that, Comet The Dog is hot enough without being airbrushed.

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      Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  3. Lyf
    June 19, 2013

    WTF is a chicken riggie?!

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    • Gary
      June 20, 2013

      Sounds like the sort of thing the school bully does

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
    • UticaHockey
      June 20, 2013

      Ahhh, we need to export some Utica food out to British Columbia as part of the affiliation agreement. You guys need some Utica Greens and Chicken Riggies!!!

      Chicken Rigggies is a Central, NY (Utica – Syracuse) Italian dish. Basically Rigatoni and Chicken in a cream based tomato sauce. Each restaurant has it’s own twist on the recipe with cherry peppers, mushrooms, onion, black olives…….In Utica each summer they have a riggie competition at the Aud where the Comets will play. They set up booths where you can sample the riggies from local restaurants and vote for your favorite.

      http://www.food.com/recipe/utica-chicken-riggies-358768

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  4. swizzler16
    June 19, 2013

    What about the much better cast of Deep Impact?

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  5. Kelvin Yu
    June 19, 2013

    Well Bryz is getting bought out, so I thought he might need a new job.

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    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  6. BBoone
    June 19, 2013

    Wonderful contest. While we are on the humour front why not a piece on the Canucks simply coaching themselves ? They used to a long time ago on a pond far far away.

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  7. TODD
    June 19, 2013

    How about some hot chick named Haley

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  8. biznow
    June 19, 2013

    Comet the Dog was Air Bud!? I love you guys for informing me of this.

    I vote Gromit The Comet ftw. Look at that loveable scamps little face…

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  9. Chris the Curmudgeon
    June 19, 2013

    Where in the hell is my freaking t-shirt Harrison?

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    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  10. Carlo
    June 19, 2013

    LOLLLLL. Awesome. Thanks for posting guys! LOL!

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  11. John
    June 19, 2013

    Kelvin Yu ‘s submission is amazing but, where’s the bear?

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  12. Nee
    June 19, 2013

    Haha, this is great.

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  13. rsen9
    June 20, 2013

    Kelvin Yu gets my vote.

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  14. fa ce la
    June 20, 2013

    maybe the mascot should be some steamed hams

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    • Chris the Curmudgeon
      June 20, 2013

      Not in Utica no. It’s an Albany expression.

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      • UticaHockey
        June 20, 2013

        I keep seeing that steamed hams reference come up and even though Albany is only a 90 minute ride down I-90 I’ve never heard that expression in my life.

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        • Chris the Curmudgeon
          June 21, 2013

          It’s a reference to a joke from the TV show the Simpsons.

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          • Rituro
            June 21, 2013

            Specifically, the episode “22 Short Films About Springfield”.

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