Image from Ilta-Sanomet’s online edition.
While the World Hockey Championships are a bit of an afterthought in North America, they’re a much bigger deal in Europe. This is particularly true when it comes to the rivalry between Finland and Sweden, which apparently dates back to 1932.
At the 2010 Olympics, Sweden beat Finland 3-0 during the round robin, but was eliminated before Finland could get their revenge. Finland went on to win the bronze medal. They got their re-match, however, at the 2011 World Championships, trouncing Sweden 6-1 in the gold medal game. The long and storied rivalry will continue on Saturday, as the two countries face each other in the semi-finals after Sweden stunned Canada in the shootout on Thursday.
It’s not surprising, then, that Ilta-Sanomet, Finland’s second largest newspaper, would rile up some nationalistic feelings in the Friday edition of their paper. They did this, however, in one of the most regrettable ways possible, publishing paper dolls of Daniel and Henrik Sedin wearing high heels with cut-out dresses to attach to them.
Look, I’m not even mad. I mean, using the female gender as an insult is misogynistic and idiotic, but how can I get angry about a major newspaper doing something so dumb? My only reaction is bewilderment. Who does this? Really?
As far as I can figure out, “Ding Dång” is the equivalent of “ding dong” in English and is just a silly name to call the Sedins, like referring to them as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.
It also appears to be a reference to a Finnish singer, Krista Siegfrids, who is competing in the Eurovision Song Contest being held in Sweden right now. Her entry in the contest, “Marry Me,” has a bizarre part after each chorus where Siegfrids sings “Uh-oh uh uh oh ding dong” several times. I think the “ding dong” is meant to refer to church bells at a wedding.
The finals of the competition take place Saturday evening, coinciding with the semi-final game between Finland and Sweden. That appears to be the only connection. If anyone more familiar with Finnish culture has some insight into this, it would be greatly appreciated.
Letting Google translate the article itself just leads to complete and utter nonsense. Fortunately, it’s hilarious nonsense.
Lions against the Tre Kronor in the Globe. Krista Siegfrids high Ding Dong show the Eurovision Song Contest in Malmö. This will be a fantastic Finland-Sweden-weekend.
Swedish hockey fans look forward to a long tongue that now the crown back to Fish Shirts pay debts in Bratislava’s World Cup final 6-1, humiliation two years ago.
I don’t know what a “long tongue” is in Finnish culture and I’m not sure I want to know.
Swedes believe that the toughest Finnish selkäsaunottajat are Sedinin NHL brothers. Especially in the Swedish press demands brothers condition dingdångia Finland at goal. Expected is the boys a ryminää and rymsteerausta that it might be too hard stuff, such as Turkey TV presentation’s where can not be displayed Eurovision at all.
Apparently the Swedish press are demanding that the Sedins implement “condition dingdångia” at the Finnish goal. That sounds completely awesome and I insist that the Sedins continue to implement condition dingdångia when they return to Vancouver for next season. I am assuming it involves shooting the puck more.
However, the obvious thing that semi-final match Sedineillä will not be, however, opportunities, because the Finnish team welded together, a great goalkeeper game and profit-oriented gameplay.
I am concerned that the Finnish team is using profit-oriented gameplay, because I don’t think there is a cash prize at the World Hockey Championships. Also, if your team is welded together, you’ll have a hard time covering your check, particularly on the wider ice surface in Europe.
Awarded the Sedinin brothers are much better looking than our chainsaw-carved markoanttilat and tuukkamäntylät, and guaranteed to Tre Kronor locker room smells manly and stylish, expensive player! colognes. It is now sadly enough the ice on Saturday, when the Lions to give the father’s hand tight quintet game. Qualities of her could not be more helpful then after the game, when the Swedes seek solace and ironing Operakällarenista of gel or quick Stureplan area locations.
And here’s where Ilta-Sanomet dives into full-blown misogyny. It starts off with basically calling the Sedins pretty boys, which is beyond the pale. Really, does anyone think the Sedins are pretty? I’m talking about looks, not the plays they create on the ice. Come on, now. Even Henrik thinks he looks like an alien.
They also suggest that the Sedins wear expensive cologne and that the Swedish locker room must smell very nice as a result. I guarantee that the Swedish locker room smells like every other hockey locker room: terrible.
Meanwhile, the Finnish players are described as “chainsaw-carved,” which I have to admit is a fantastic adjective to describe manliness. I’m going to start describing myself as “chainsaw-carved.” At least, I will do so online, where no one can see my noodle arms.
It’s that last sentence that really gets my goat by its tail and goat-throat. Essentially, Ilta-Sanomet is calling the Sedins women and suggesting that Sweden will need their feminine talents of providing solace, ironing, and shopping. Or maybe that’s just a bizarre quirk of Google Translate and they’re saying no such thing. I really don’t know.
If, for some reason, you really want to print out your own Sedin paper dolls, here’s the full-size version, courtesy @jhitela.
Friend of the blog, @MiikaArponen provided us with a more accurate translation of the article, featuring far less misogyny and accidental hilarity.
The Lions (Finland) against Tre Kronor (Sweden) in Globen (the arena in Stockholm). Krista Siegfried’s big Ding Dong -show in Eurovision Song Contest in Malmö. This will be a fantastic Finland vs Sweden weekend.
Swedish hockey fans can’t wait to see their players pay back to Finns for their 6-1-humiliation in Bratislava in 2011.
The Swedes believe that the most powerful two players would be The Sedin NHL-brothers. Especially Swedish press insists the brothers to bring proper dingdång (I guess it means a big show here) to Finland’s goal.
One could expect the boys to bring in such a rumble that even Turkish TV won’t show that. (Referring to the fact that Turkish TV doesn’t show the Eurovision Song Contest because of a lesbian kiss in the Finnish performance.)
It’s although clear, that in the semifinal game the Sedins won’t have any possibilities, because of the Finnish team (emphasis on team, “welded together” is a Finnish saying for that), great goaltending and “we only play to win” -playing style.
OK, we admit, that the Sedin brothers are better-looking than our chainsaw-carved Marko Anttilas and Tuukka Mäntyläs and definitely the Tre Kronor locker room smells stylishly manly and expensive playboy-cologne. But unfortunately it won’t be enough in saturday because the Lions will give the Swedes a beating with a tight team-play.
Their features (referring to the Swedes being better-looking and more stylish etc) could be more useful after the game, when the Swedes will go for a consolation price in Operakällaren (Opera basement, famous and expensive restaurant in Stockholm) or Stureplan (part of Stockholm) night clubs.
s/t to Paul Chapman.Tags: Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin, World Championship