Chris Tanev had a solid season for the Canucks, showing that he’s ready to step into a larger role next season. He even spent some time in the top-four alongside Alex Edler. It seemed like he instantly developed chemistry with whoever he played with thanks to his calm, simple style of play.
Tanev is also a pending Restricted Free Agent this off-season, leading to an interesting question. How much is Tanev worth? He doesn’t do any one thing noticeably well. He doesn’t put up points and doesn’t hit. What he does do is make smart decisions with the puck and a good first pass out of the zone. He plays largely mistake-free defence, which is a nice switch for Canucks fans used to Kevin Bieksa and Alex Edler, who are far more high-risk.
It was revealed today that Tanev would be representing himself in his contract negotiations, with help from his dad, Mike. That makes things a little more complicated, as Tanev’s dad will likely spend the entire meeting with Gillis saying awkward, embarrassing things, causing Tanev to roll his eyes and say Daaaaaad at least twice.
Here are 18 things you can expect Tanev’s dad to say during his son’s contract negotiations.
1 | ”Close the door behind you, Chris, did you grow up in a barn?”
2 | ”No matter what happens with hockey, son, you can always come home.”
3 | ”Let’s start the negotiating at $1000. That’s still a lot, right?”
4 | ”What my son really needs is a new belt. Can you promise him a new belt?”
5 | “Stop slouching, Chris.”
6 | ”Don’t talk to my son that way.”
7 | ”Hold on, your mother is calling.”
8 | ”Son, here’s $2 for the vending machine. Don’t spend it all at once.”
9 | ”Son, tuck in your shirt.”
10 | ”Quiet down or so help me, I’ll turn this contract negotiation around.”
11 | ”Son, you’ve already had a lot of juice today. Drink some water.”
12 | ”That’s a pretty good offer. Money doesn’t grow on trees, y’know.”
13 | ”In this economy, you should just be happy you have a job.”
14 | ”When I was your age, hockey was something we did for fun, not money.”
15 | ”He’s got a point about you not hitting enough. We’ve got to toughen you up.”
16 | ”Son, eat your cheese and mayonnaise sandwich.”
17 | ”I don’t care what other RFAs got in their contract negotiations. If all the other RFAs jumped off a cliff, would you?”
18 | ”Looks like we have a deal. Let me just get my pen out of my fanny pack.”
Photo credit to Derek Jory at Fort Nucks.Tags: Blogs are for lists, Chris Tanev, Questionable Comedic Content