18 things Chris Tanev’s dad will say while negotiating his son’s next contract

Chris Tanev had a solid season for the Canucks, showing that he’s ready to step into a larger role next season. He even spent some time in the top-four alongside Alex Edler. It seemed like he instantly developed chemistry with whoever he played with thanks to his calm, simple style of play.

Tanev is also a pending Restricted Free Agent this off-season, leading to an interesting question. How much is Tanev worth? He doesn’t do any one thing noticeably well. He doesn’t put up points and doesn’t hit. What he does do is make smart decisions with the puck and a good first pass out of the zone. He plays largely mistake-free defence, which is a nice switch for Canucks fans used to Kevin Bieksa and Alex Edler, who are far more high-risk.

It was revealed today that Tanev would be representing himself in his contract negotiations, with help from his dad, Mike. That makes things a little more complicated, as Tanev’s dad will likely spend the entire meeting with Gillis saying awkward, embarrassing things, causing Tanev to roll his eyes and say Daaaaaad at least twice.

Here are 18 things you can expect Tanev’s dad to say during his son’s contract negotiations.

1 | ”Close the door behind you, Chris, did you grow up in a barn?”

2 | ”No matter what happens with hockey, son, you can always come home.”

3 | ”Let’s start the negotiating at $1000. That’s still a lot, right?”

4 | ”What my son really needs is a new belt. Can you promise him a new belt?”

5 | “Stop slouching, Chris.”

6 | ”Don’t talk to my son that way.”

7 | ”Hold on, your mother is calling.”

8 | ”Son, here’s $2 for the vending machine. Don’t spend it all at once.”

9 | ”Son, tuck in your shirt.”

10 | ”Quiet down or so help me, I’ll turn this contract negotiation around.”

11 | ”Son, you’ve already had a lot of juice today. Drink some water.”

12 | ”That’s a pretty good offer. Money doesn’t grow on trees, y’know.”

13 | ”In this economy, you should just be happy you have a job.”

14 | ”When I was your age, hockey was something we did for fun, not money.”

15 | ”He’s got a point about you not hitting enough. We’ve got to toughen you up.”

16 | ”Son, eat your cheese and mayonnaise sandwich.”

17 | ”I don’t care what other RFAs got in their contract negotiations. If all the other RFAs jumped off a cliff, would you?”

18 | ”Looks like we have a deal. Let me just get my pen out of my fanny pack.”


Photo credit to Derek Jory at Fort Nucks.

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  1. Zach Morris
    May 16, 2013

    I can see, well, most of these things happening.

    Is anyone taking prop bets on the contract negotiations?

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  2. lolol
    May 16, 2013

    I lost it at “cheese and mayonnaise sandwich”


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  3. Harrison Mooney
    May 16, 2013

    “What’s a no-movement clause? He can still come visit at Christmas, right?”

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  4. EllynBleu
    May 16, 2013

    …. *Priceless*

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  5. Kenji
    May 17, 2013

    Chris Tanev went to RIT – a very good academic school – as a finance major. He’ll be fine.

    Mike Tanev is no idiot in hockey matters either – check this out:

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    • akidd
      May 17, 2013

      nice link. thanks kenji. yup, mike tanev seems like he’s been around the block. and seems like a nice fellow to boot. hopefully the tanevs get a fair deal as it seems like the whole family has been working towards this for quite some time.

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  6. turtle14
    May 17, 2013

    There is no question that Chris Tanev is a diamond in the rough and has done well developing into a first class NHL defenceman. Having said that, he certainly deserves to be treated with respect during this contract negotiation and receives a healthy raise and a solid contract.

    Why is it that some parents feel they have to be in control of their children’s lives and cannot let go to let them live their own lives and make decisons as adults. I have no idea what kind of credentials Chris’ dad has if any as an agent or lawyer for that matter, but I hope the Canucks don’t take full advantage of a wanna-be agent and one of the players the fans have come to love.

    While I understand this article has humour as the underlying message; I can only hope that Mike Tanev is capable of swimming in the deep end of the pool against the well seasoned, knowledgable and experienced Mike Gilles.

    Good luck Chris, you deserve a fair and healthy raise as you have done everything the Vancouier Canucks have asked of you and you have delivered in spades. Hope to see you back in Vancouver!

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    • Kenji
      May 17, 2013

      I certainly hope that the Tanevs have a lawyer (not an agent, particularly – lawyers are expensive but then it stops when they did their hours) who will review the documents for any strange clauses. I think that the money is relatively easy to figure out, with comparables, but you don’t want to sign anything without having professionals look it over. Not that I get the sense that Gillis is devious.

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      • turtle14
        May 17, 2013

        I am still a firm believer that professionals should be handling these types of issues. I have read the link you supplied and it seems very self serving to Mike Tanev; all the way through the article it talks about what he has done and very rarely mentions anything that Chris has done. Correct me if I am wrong but I would think Chris played the games and worked hard; RIT had a dream season while Chris played for them and everything fell into place for Chris once he began his professional career with Vancouver. Having said that, he does have the skill to complete and play well in the NHL. With all due respect to Mike Tanev; Chris would be better served by surrounding himself with qualified persons.

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