A rare photo of the green men and a woman.
You’d think think San Jose Sharks’ supporters would have struggled to find much to get upset about during Wednesday night’s Game 1. After all, when your team outplays the Canucks in 2 of 3 periods, when the powerplay looks like a lethal weapon, and when the Sharks come away from their 2013 postseason debut with a victory, what’s there to complain about?
The green men, apparently.
If you were watching the American feed of this game, you were treated to CSN Bay Area announcers Drew Remenda and Randy Hahn ripping Force and Sully pretty fiercely. Glenn Healy’s got nothing on this exchange:
Now, I don’t particularly care for the green men’s schtick these days. It boggles the mind that they’re still doing it. They feel a little bit like “I Didn’t Do It” Boy. But even despite my biases, I feel like they weren’t the duo making asses of themselves in this clip.
Among the highlights: the two greenly-spandexed individuals are “40-year-old virgins” who collect snowglobes, except hur hur hur they’re actually rain globes because, you know, Vancouver.
Nevermind that it would be difficult to differentiate the rain from, I don’t know, the water. But maybe you could replace the water with little pieces of white plastic so the rain would stand out more? Oh man. I think these guys might be onto something…
As for the 40-year-old virgins crack, I know these two, and they’re not 40. I can’t speak to whether or not they’ve had sexual intercourse more than zero times, but if you’ve ever read Sully’s tell-all book — which is an actual thing that exists, for some reason — you’d know that going green was basically exactly like Tony Stark going iron. Here’s an excerpt from Behind the Green:
That’s right, Drew Remenda. The life of a professional athlete. The life of a rock star.
Later in the introduction, Sully makes reference to groupies, and the book, which I once flipped through in a Black Bond, also alludes to a few stories he can’t tell out of respect to tha ladeez. When these guys pour themselves into the spandex, they have all their dreams and fantasies fulfilled. It’s my understanding that the green suit is basically their wardrobe to a sexual Narnia.
Which is really, really gross.
Finally, I think it needs to be noted that the sort of trinket-collecting nerds Remenda and Hahn are referencing don’t normally have the social confidence necessary to do what the green men do. If nerds weren’t so shy, they’d be rising to their own defence today.Green Men