Alex Burrows has a lot to be happy about these days. He’s about to get a $2.5 million raise, his team is heading into the playoffs with, if all goes well, home-ice advantage, and there are tentative plans for a charity tennis match between him and Milos Raonic in August, which is pretty dang cool.
Yes, life is good for Burrows and you would think that he wouldn’t have much to be sad about. Oh how wrong you would be, hypothetical person. As this picture from Jeff Vinnick’s Behind the Lens series at Canucks.com reveals, Burrows is super sad right now.
How sad is Burrows? So sad!
He needs to take some lessons in happiness from Sami Salo:
In any case, here are 20 reasons why Alex Burrows is sad:
1 | Only just now found out no one can understand what he’s saying.
2 | Trying to find the right time to tell everyone they forgot his birthday.
3 | Maxim Lapierre ate the last piece of plain cheese pizza, when he knows that’s all Burrows eats.
4 | The Swedish government turned down his application to be adopted into the Sedin family.
5 | Not actually sad. He’s working on his pouty face so maybe officials will give him a break for once.
6 | Found out the next season of Breaking Bad was pushed to August. Then found out Bryan Cranston was in Vancouver when he wasn’t.
7 | Left his laptop out in the open while still logged into Facebook. Came back to find that his status was “I love Maxim Lapierre so much! He is my best friend!” when that totally isn’t true.
8 | Hormones.
9 | Had Jose Reyes in his fantasy baseball league.
10 | Upset that Lapierre was recently voted “best French-Canadian teammate”.
11 | Lapierre won’t give him his hat back.
12 | Is disappointed in the new season of Community.
13 | Tried to say “butternut squash”. Said “squatternut bosh”. Super embarrassed.
14 | Just got another menacing phone call from Stephane Auger. When will the nightmare end?!
15 | If you don’t know, he’s not going to tell you.
16 | Was this close to winning an eBay auction for his own rookie card, but some jerk named “Strombone1″ outbid him at the last second.
17 | Saw that really disgusting Internet video. You know the one.
18 | Smelled it. Doesn’t want to say anything, lest he be accused of having dealt it.
19 | Asked by Lapierre “What’s under there?” Said “Under where?” Immediately realized he’d been had.
20 | Didn’t win da turd. (stick tap to @taganaya)Tags: Alex Burrows, Blogs are for lists, Questionable Comedic Content, Sad Burrows