20 reasons that Alex Burrows is really, really sad

Alex Burrows has a lot to be happy about these days. He’s about to get a $2.5 million raise, his team is heading into the playoffs with, if all goes well, home-ice advantage, and there are tentative plans for a charity tennis match between him and Milos Raonic in August, which is pretty dang cool.

Yes, life is good for Burrows and you would think that he wouldn’t have much to be sad about. Oh how wrong you would be, hypothetical person. As this picture from Jeff Vinnick’s Behind the Lens series at Canucks.com reveals, Burrows is super sad right now.

How sad is Burrows? So sad!

He needs to take some lessons in happiness from Sami Salo:

In any case, here are 20 reasons why Alex Burrows is sad:

1 | Only just now found out no one can understand what he’s saying.

2 | Trying to find the right time to tell everyone they forgot his birthday.

3 | Maxim Lapierre ate the last piece of plain cheese pizza, when he knows that’s all Burrows eats.

4 | The Swedish government turned down his application to be adopted into the Sedin family.

5 | Not actually sad. He’s working on his pouty face so maybe officials will give him a break for once.

6 | Found out the next season of Breaking Bad was pushed to August. Then found out Bryan Cranston was in Vancouver when he wasn’t.

7 | Left his laptop out in the open while still logged into Facebook. Came back to find that his status was “I love Maxim Lapierre so much! He is my best friend!” when that totally isn’t true.

8 | Hormones.

9 | Had Jose Reyes in his fantasy baseball league.

10 | Upset that Lapierre was recently voted “best French-Canadian teammate”.

11 | Lapierre won’t give him his hat back.

12 | Is disappointed in the new season of Community.

13 | Tried to say “butternut squash”. Said “squatternut bosh”. Super embarrassed.

14 | Just got another menacing phone call from Stephane Auger. When will the nightmare end?!

15 | If you don’t know, he’s not going to tell you.

16 | Was this close to winning an eBay auction for his own rookie card, but some jerk named “Strombone1″ outbid him at the last second.

17 | Saw that really disgusting Internet video. You know the one.

18 | Smelled it. Doesn’t want to say anything, lest he be accused of having dealt it.

19 | Asked by Lapierre “What’s under there?” Said “Under where?” Immediately realized he’d been had.

20 | Didn’t win da turd. (stick tap to @taganaya)

Tags: , , ,

20 comments

  1. Fruzenius
    April 19, 2013

    Win da turd. That slayed me

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +10 (from 10 votes)
  2. Jason
    April 19, 2013

    Love #1. Got me laughing right off the bat

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  3. `e blacha
    April 19, 2013

    New season isn’t that bad.. I’d say it still beats many other comedies on the market now, such as Mike and Molly, Big Bang, etc

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  4. TubaNat
    April 19, 2013

    Have several internet points for the Home Alone reference

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  5. cathylu
    April 19, 2013

    Haha!! Love # 7 and # 16.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  6. Square Ball
    April 19, 2013

    Maybe he got left out of the Ogopogo-hunting-trip.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  7. Brent
    April 19, 2013

    maybe he just realized then not everyone on the team works as hard as he does every game.

    Oh hold it, that’s not funny.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
    • chicken chick
      April 19, 2013

      While that’s not funny, it is true,
      Which would make him green and blue.

      VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
      Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  8. Rituro
    April 19, 2013

    #21: It finally sinks in that Chris Campoli is no longer in the NHL.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 2 votes)
    • Rituro
      April 19, 2013

      Shoooot, my bad… check before you post! Check before you post! Let’s try that again:

      VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
      • Julia
        April 19, 2013

        Ah such a happy memory.

        VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
        Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
      • Jaxsun
        April 19, 2013

        The thing that really hit me for both those videos was that Victor Oreskovich dressed during those playoffs.

        VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
        Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  9. Dave
    April 19, 2013

    I’d just like to ask why the ‘other news’ column on the Pass It To Bulis site still has a January 31 story “Porn Legend Jeremy in Critical Condition.” If he’s so critical, shouldn’t he be posting here?

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  10. Tom 1040
    April 19, 2013

    21 | No extra gear in the playoffs.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: -3 (from 5 votes)
  11. steveB
    April 20, 2013

    22 | really wanted to win that Salo is your Pal-o contest

    23 | tried posting a comment on PITB, but was told: ‘You are posting too fast. Slow down’

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +12 (from 12 votes)
  12. LaserSwordBeatsEverything
    April 20, 2013

    Oh god, #16 killed me

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  13. Wetcoaster
    April 20, 2013

    He just learned that he’s next in line to be the third line center again.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +4 (from 4 votes)
  14. Finejokin
    April 20, 2013

    Nicely written comedy list. You used your best jokes perfectly, great opener, great closer. Letterman would be proud… or more likely jealous

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  15. marpolejoel
    April 21, 2013

    Not even Lappy understands him…’las slice cheese pizza?’ sounded like ‘eat it sleepy, friggin wheelies’…so he ate it

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  16. kayfray
    April 21, 2013

    Ehh, season 4 of community (while relatively weaker) is still top 5 current undoubtedly behind gems like Archer. To those not watching Archer i will rub sand in your eyes. Coarse sand.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)