I Find This Photo Odd: Zack Kassian puts Rob Klinkhammer to sleep

When Raffi Torres left Vancouver for Phoenix, we wondered aloud if the Canucks had anybody on the payroll that could replace what he brought. Two years later, I think it’s safe to say that Zack Kassian is the closest we’ve come. But it’s not just that he’s a big, bruising forward with soft hands, or that he’s a little bit insane. It’s also that photogenic face.

I don’t mean photogenic in the usual sense. It’s not that Kassian’s looks good in photographs, or that his features are stand out in some special way. But a photo of Zack Kassian is likely to be hilarious, much more so than your usual hockey player, in much the same way a photo of Raffi Torres was almost a sure-fire laugher.

And as it turns out, Kassian’s amusing photogenicity is somewhat transferrable. His mere presence in a picture can turn those around him into hilarious comedy props. Case in point, this shot from Monday night of Kassian and Coyotes forward Rob Klinkhammer, which is amazing:

What the actual heck.

I can’t tell you what’s going on here. Is Kassian putting Klinkhammer out with a Vulcan nerve pinch? He does have that calm Vulcan expression, and the picture sure makes a lot more sense if you Spock him up a bit:

It’s possible that Kassian saw some Star Trek footage on the Jumbotron and decided to try it, just like that Bure move, but it looks like it worked, and I feel like I would have remembered if Klinkhammer spontaneously went to sleep.

This may also be some sort of stage routine they two of them are working on. They certainly fit in Swan Lake:

If this is it, then Klinkhammer needs to work on his retire. And Kassian: you’d better wake up and get those arms into third position.

Either way, I find this photo incredibly odd.

s/t to Cam Davie.

17 comments

  1. Rivalpiper
    April 10, 2013

    C’mon Mooney, those arms are clearly in fifth position.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      April 10, 2013

      But they’re SUPPOSED to be in third position, right?

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      • Rivalpiper
        April 10, 2013

        I mean the ballet dancers have their arms in fifth position. I don’t know if the dancer in Kassian’s spot is supposed to have theirs in third. Depends on the choreography.

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      • Square Ball
        April 10, 2013

        May I ask, how do you know so much about ballet?

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      • Canucklehead_in_T.O.
        April 10, 2013

        Because it’s end-of-semester and I therefore *should* be writing a paper on “Piers Plowman”, I think it is imperative that I step in here and clear up this heated debate, because clearly it matters to people other than me.

        Let’s breakdown the issue, PITB-style:
        1) In the Swan Lake photo, the dancers in the corps de ballet (the majority of the women in the picture) have *both* arms raised above their heads, in what I (being Vaganova-trained) would refer to as Third Position, but what other dancers might refer to as either Fifth position or Fifth en Haut (depending on whether they were RAD or Cecchetti trained).
        2) The female soloist in the Swan Lake picture (who I assume Kass and Klinkhammer are meant to be imitating) has one arm rounded above her head, and one rounded in front of her navel, showing a stylized version of what RAD would call “fourth croise” (or possibly just “fourth”, depending on how old the teacher is), what Cecchetti would call “fourth en avant”, and what Vaganova would call “Grande pose croise”
        3) The little girl in the linked about.com photo is demonstrating one arm rounded above the head and one softly curving out to the side, variously known as Vaganova’s “Grande Pose”, “fourth” in current RAD, “third” in old RAD, and “fourth en haut” in Cecchetti.

        Conclusion: about.com is never right, ballet teacher’s can’t get their shit together, and I have too much time on my hands.

        *SOURCE: seven gazillion years of ballet training, and a keen sense of correcting people on things that don’t matter

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        • Harrison Mooney
          April 10, 2013

          Hahaha good Lord. I just learned A LOT.

          You’re correct that Kassian and Klinkhammer are supposed to be mirroring the female soloist. It’s from this picture. I shopped the boys in place of one of the couples.

          As for the rest, I really have no idea, so sure. Makes sense. I just wanted to make a semi-informed ballet joke, which is tough to do when the only ballet you’ve ever seen was is a Darren Aronofsky film.

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        • Nee
          April 10, 2013

          Awesome

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        • J21
          April 11, 2013

          Vaganova? Screw the Wildcats. Cecchetti for ever!!!!!

          Cecchetti! Cecchetti! We’re comin’ to get ye!

          Whoooo!!!!! Go Big Pink!!!!

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        • leftcoaster67
          April 12, 2013

          I really hope T.O. you’re a girl, because if you’re a guy, you know FAR too much about Ballet.

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      • Chinstrap Joe
        April 10, 2013

        Vaganova? If I woulda said that word as a kid, my mom would have slapped the grin off my face!

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  2. Eastern Dane
    April 10, 2013

    Kassian kind of looks like Paul Potts in this picture… That’s why I find this photo odd..

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  3. HeHughes376
    April 10, 2013

    O.M.G. crying with laughter..Harrison you have excelled yourself!!

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  4. Meg
    April 10, 2013

    Just when you think this blog can’t get any better, you throw in Swan Lake. Bravo.

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  5. tom selleck's moustache
    April 10, 2013

    I actually thought that he looked like he was checking to see if Klinkhammer was ok. Like, Klinkhammer is crying out in pain and Kassian’s placing a consoling hand on his shoulder:

    “Hey, buddy, it’s ok; this too shall pass.”

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  6. tj
    April 10, 2013

    It looks like he’s mistaken Klinkhammer for a bundt cake, and he’s checking to see if he’s ‘done’ yet.

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  7. Mark Ragnar
    April 10, 2013

    I had my thoughts,
    But not that way
    All are not born,sir,
    To the bay

    My first thought was that Klinkhammer was reacting to Kassian’s finger the way this monkey did to his own;

    http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=DzZqje04vLE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DDzZqje04vLE

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  8. Chris the Curmudgeon
    April 10, 2013

    Kassian has soft hands now? Do elaborate.

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