New Van Fan, episode nine: ‘The Scapegoat’

New Van Fan is a web-series that follows the adventures of long-time Canucks fan Dan as he attempts to bring novice Canucks fan Andreas up to speed. The whole thing may or may not be an excuse to point out the inherent silliness of this fanbase — we’re not quite sure. Have an idea for an episode? Suggest it in the comments. 

We’ve been running New Van Fan episodes as a Monday feature for several weeks now, encouraging readers to suggest script ideas in the comments all along the way, and we’re pleased to say that this week, it’s paid off. Episode nine is borne from a seed originally planted by a Bulie.

Back in February, Taylor suggested the following:

[...] you need to pick a whipping boy whom you will regularly single out for shortcomings. Some fans may want to pick a corresponding “golden boy” who is your can-do-no-wrong favourite, but it is not neccessary, especially if one’s theory for the canucks loss is “every one of them should be dealt, blow up the team.” My personal favourite is Mason Raymond for whipping, but popular picks also include Luongo, Bieksa, Ballard and Booth. For extra “before it was cool” hipster points, I suggest one of Kassian or Garrison.

Sure enough, in today’s episode, Andreas participates in the time-honoured tradition of picking a Canuck to blame for everything. Henceforth, the cause of all the Canucks’ problems is, in his eyes, Alex Edler:

Typical Edler, dropping Andreas’s toothbrush into the toilet. Worst. Drop pass. Ever.

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2 comments

  1. Jacob
    April 1, 2013

    Might have to wait until the playoffs but I’d like to see Dan trying to explain Towel Power to Andreas. “So, you see, our greatest playoff tradition celebrates the time the coach surrendered. And then all the fans surrendered…” Maybe Andreas could honour Roger Nielsen by figuring out a bunch of new ways to give up?

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    • NewVanFan
      April 2, 2013

      Jacob you read my mind! Definitely working on that one. I like the “finding new ways to give up” idea. Thanks!

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