New Van Fan, episode seven: ‘Gum Game’

New Van Fan is a web-series that follows the adventures of long-time Canucks fan Dan as he attempts to bring novice Canucks fan Andreas up to speed. The whole thing may or may not be an excuse to point out the inherent silliness of this fanbase — we’re not quite sure. Have an idea for an episode? Suggest it in the comments. 

Two weeks ago, Andreas introduced us to Snepsts Day, a holiday in honour of the legendary and legendarily moustached Harold Snepsts. This week, he innovates yet again, introduces us as well as Canuck fan mentor Dan to the Alain Vigneault gum-chewing game.

It’s a simple premise: since Alain Vigneault — or, as Andreas calls him, Alain Oneault — chews his emotions, chew them right along with him. If he’s happy, chew one gum. If he’s sad, chew two. Angry? Three. If his emotions are mixed, chew four. Problem is, like an oneault, AV has layers. Tracking his emotions calls for more gum than a man can handle.

“Figure out how you feel Vigneault!”

Poor Dan eventually storms off, his cheeks bursting shortly after a Keith Ballard goal forces another four gumballs into his mouth.

Safe to say Andreas hasn’t given the game enough thought. Gum doesn’t go away, and with Vigneault’s emotional range on display throughout a game, the amount of gum this undertaking requires one to ingest is going to yield an unwieldy gob in no time.

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  1. DanD
    March 18, 2013

    I still have canker sores in my mouth from all that sugar. Eww.

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  2. cathylu
    March 18, 2013

    The only way to survive that game is to use those teeny-tiny Chiclets.

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