The Vancouver Canucks’ powerplay is in a state of disarray. It’s been 9 games now since they scored with the man advantage.
Yes, the unit did create a goal Tuesday versus the Blue Jackets, but the goal came after the Columbus player exited the box, meaning Vancouver’s worst powerplay drought in 10 years continues.
We simply can’t allow it to. It’s time for some bold thinking to get off the schneid. It’s time for some new ideas. That in mind, we here at PITB have done some serious brainstorming and put together a list of brash, innovative suggestions that could kickstart the Canucks’ flagging man advantage. We offer them freely to Newell Brown and the rest of the Canucks’ coaching staff. Gentlemen, brace yourselves for genius:
1 | Every time the Canucks fail to score on the powerplay, bench Keith Ballard for another game.
2 | Pull the goalie. Not your goalie, the opponent’s goalie. Just pull on him. You run the risk of getting called for goaltender interference, sure, but if you don’t, he’ll be too distracted from all the pulling to make the save.
3 | Encourage the crowd to yell “Pass!” the whole time, since when they yell “Shoot!” the Canucks never listen.
4 | Modify the umbrella formation to include real umbrellas, perhaps in a choreographed song and dance number. While the opponents are dazzled by Alex Burrows’s incredible footwork, have a Sedin sneak in the backdoor and feed him a tap-in.
5 | Alternate umbrella formation: enlist the Umbrella Corporation to give the opponents a disease that turns them into zombies. Sure, they’ll be dead, but it’s possible no one will notice until you score.
6 | Amend rulebook so that 10 consecutive passes counts as a goal.
7 | Don’t stand in front of the goalie. Stand behind him. Think about it.
8 | Okay, hear me out: call a timeout, then when it’s over, have Cory Schneider go tend goal in the other net. If you’re lucky, the opposing netminder will get confused and go to the Vancouver net, and then when the official drops the puck, wide open net! It’s so crazy it just might work, you guys.
9 | Has anyone ever tried shining a bright green laser pointer in the goalie’s eyes?
10 | Dress Jason Garrison up in goalie gear, pass the puck around, then when you’ve finally cleared a lane, let Garrison cross the red line and step into a knucklepuck.
11 | More drop passes. Drop passes are the key. Only drop passes from now on.
12 | Instead of making Canucks do pushups when they make a mistake in practice, make Keith Ballard do pushups.
13 | Have Roberto Luongo offer the opposing goaltender a delicious Hostess fruit pie. He won’t be able to resist and will just skate straight out of his net.
14 | Since the Canucks seem to be better at even-strength than they are on the powerplay, have one player spend half of the penalty playing for the other team.
15 | Increase urgency of shooters by placing agitated ferrets in their hockey pants.
16 | Hypnotize Henrik Sedin into thinking Daniel Sedin is the net; watch him saucer pass after effortless pass across the goal line.
17 | Shout “Car!” right before shooting. Trust me: instinct will take over and everyone will get right out of the way. The only possible downside is if, when the goaltender gets out of the way, he picks up the net and takes it with him to the corner.
18 | Acquire Sidney Crosby.Tags: Blogs are for lists, powerplay, Questionable Comedic Content