Luongo never wore this jersey. Minor foul. But these next 20 are match penalties.
If you’re a regular reader of Puck Daddy, that other blog I occasionally write for, you’re probably aware of “Jersey Fouls”, the popular feature in which Greg Wyshynski highlights some of the most egregious alterations, customizations, and other atrocities people commit when they don their hockey apparel.
People like to talk about hockey’s “code”, the unwritten set of rules that governs who fights, when they fight, and how they fight. But there’s another code in hockey, and it governs what it and isn’t acceptable to wear to the arena. A normal hockey jersey? Acceptable. A customized jersey with the number 69 and the nameplate “YOURMOM”? Yeah, no.
There are a lot of different fouls. Many are listed in this Jersey Foul Bingo card we made a while back, which remains a great thing to print out and take on your hockey road trip. But if you want to see a lot of different fouls in heinous, heinous practice, you’re in luck. Canuck fans commit a lot of them. What follows are the 20 most egregious ones we’ve seen, from spelling mistakes to frankenjerseys to general crudity and everything in between, courtesy Wyshinski’s many amazing galleries.
20 | NJ Yankee
This one makes no sense to me. Wouldn’t a yankee from New Jersey want a Devils jersey or, at the very least, any American jersey? For a yankee, the wearer of this jersey appears to have a conspicuous preference for Canada. Plus, grabbing the number 45 disrespect the legacy of Nathan McIver.
19 | MacVicar 12 1/2
Speaking of jerseys that make no sense… who is MacVicar? Is this a second jersey that disrespect Nathan McIver, perhaps by spelling his name wrong and getting his number incredibly wrong? No idea. I thought, for a moment, maybe this jersey belonged to a child whose last name was MacVicar and whose age was twelve and a half, but it looks like a grown man in this jersey. So I have no clue here.
18 | Canucklehead 69
Huh huh huh it says Canucklehead and the number is 69… huh huh huh huh.
17 | Ovechkin 8
See, because Alex Ovechkin never played for the Canucks, which is why this is a foul. Why you’d do this is beyond me. Isn’t Chris Tanev enough for you?
16 | Cup Bound
This jersey surfaced during the 2011 Stanley Cup Final. In hindsight, it may have been just a touch premature. Either that, or it was the cause of the Canucks’ failure. Eleven, really? Wayne Maki’s unofficially retired number, brought back by Mark Messier? There’s no way this didn’t rouse the local hockey gods.
15 | Dukenukem 187
I’ve never played the Duke Nukem games, but I’m quite confident that there isn’t a level or a world or whatever where he suits up for the Canucks. I’m even more confident that he doesn’t wear the number 187.
14 | Max Power
Max Power is the man with name you want to touch, but you mustn’t touch, but he doesn’t play for the Canucks. He never did. And if he did, a classy guy like Max Power isn’t going to wear 69 like a twelve-year-old. This is all kinds of foul.
13 | Sedins
Oh, come on now.
12 | McClean 1
Scott Brown, our illustrious Vancouver Sun sports editor, floats the theory that, perhaps, McClean is this guy’s last name. Because it’s definitely not the last name of Kirk McLean, who wore number 1 and would go nicely with the Richard Brodeur jersey to his left. Here’s hoping. If not, this is a big ol’ spelling foul.
11 | Blue and Green Canadiens jersey
That is not the logo that goes there. THAT’S NOT THE LOGO THAT GOES THERE. PUT IT BACK.
10 | Gretzsky
Wow. Just wow. First of all, I’m not sure who Gretzsky is, but there’s no way he wore 99, because only Wayne Gretzky scored that. Second, despite very nearly signing a deal, Gretzky never played for the Canucks. And third, even if he had, it wouldn’t have been in this jersey. Everything about this is bad.
9 | Bite Me
Wherein the stick in rink is used for a wonderful tableau. What’s strangest to me here is that this guy went with Lapierre’s finger taunt instead of, say, Burrows’ actual bite. Why not go for gusto? Either way, this is strange. And the lime green makes the whole thing sort of off-putting too.
8 | Kseler
What’s strangest to me about this jersey is that no one is telling this guy what’s gone horribly, horribly wrong. You’d think someone would be tapping him on the shoulder or whispering into his ear while his eyes grow wide with horror. But no. He’s just shuttling around the Lowerr Mainland with “KSELER” written on his back like a dope.
7 | Henrik Sedin/Andrew Ladd frankenjersey, part one
Why you would do this do a perfectly good Henrik Sedin jersey is beyond me, and mashing him together with Andrew Ladd, a noted enemy of the club, makes even less sense. The two logos don’t come anywhere near lining up and neither do the numbers, with an inch-wide slice of Ladd’s “6″ just floating there. On the bright side, at least the other halves of these two jerseys didn’t go to waste.
6 | Henrik Sedin/Andrew Ladd frankenjersey, part two
There it is. What makes this mashup the worse side? The number 36. That’s Jannik Hansen’s number. You’ve ruined a Henrik Sedin jersey by sewing half a Jets jersey onto it and given Henrik Jannik Hansen’s number. What could drive a person to such insanity?
5 | Stinky 69
Sigh. This guy probably thinks he’s hilarious.
4 | Your Mom 69
There are several “69″ jerseys on this list, but as far as maturity goes, this one takes the cake. Not content to just have a snicker-worthy number on the back, this intelligent fellow tacks on a “Your Mom”. I guarantee you when he went to get this, the person affixing the letters rolled their eyes so hard they nearly died.
3 | Neely
This is just cruel. Why would you do this to your fellow fans? Unless you’re trolling, in which case, we still don’t approve.
2 | Henrik Sedin counterfeit jersey of champions
It seems like a knockoff… but I can’t be entirely sure.
1 | Crosongo
But the grandaddy of them all is “Crosongo”. Half Crosby, half Luongo, all jersey foul. Why? Just…. why.Tags: Blogs are for lists, Jersey Fouls