I Find This Photo Odd: Kassian straddles Crawford

Throughout his brief tenure with the Vancouver Canucks, Zack Kassian has shown an impressive willingness to head to the net. It makes sense: he’s a big body, so he can take up a lot of daylight. Plus he has good hands in tight. The goalmouth is a good place for him to be.

Of course, occasionally, when you’re rushing the crease, you’re going to run into the guy that lives in there, and on Friday versus the Chicago Blackhawks, Kassian did exactly that. The result is this strange little photo.

Kassian and Crawford have that look that kittens have when they’ve been fighting in the dark and you turn on the light.

Looking at the photo, it’s weird that this encounter didn’t result in a penalty. I’m fairly certainly you can’t straddle and strangle the goaltender in the NHL. If you could, we’d probably see if more often as a form of intimidation. “Now you listen here, goalie. You’re gonna let me score and you’re gonna do it with a smile on your face. Otherwise: horse head in your bed.”

Speaking of horses, that’s another thing this photo sort of looks like:

Look at that majestic horse go. And you know it won’t stop, because Kassian has knives on his feet.

Finally, for me, the Kassian photo immediately brought to mind a rather infamous Batman squirt gun:

Never in my life have I wanted to pull a trigger less. And what an unfortunate location for a fill valve.

It still blows my mind that someone approved this, but if it happened once, it can happen again, so listen up, merchandisers: Kassian is popular right now, and a Zack Kasisan squirt gun might do quite well at the register. But this pose is not the one. Do you hear me? I said no. Bad merchandisers.

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14 comments

  1. Canucklehead_in_T.O.
    February 3, 2013

    How long, exactly, have you been waiting and waiting for the perfect opportunity to use that Batman image in a post, Daniel? Biding your time, year after year, game after game, hoping and praying for someone to do something silly enough for you to pull out the “big guns” (so to speak)?

    Well, son. Your prayers have been answered, in the name of one Zachary Kassian.
    Congratulations. I hope it was worth the wait.

    You are an inspiration to us all.

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  2. Cathylu
    February 3, 2013

    Let the photoshops begin!

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  3. Barry
    February 3, 2013

    Can you do your readers a favor and post the image of Kassian with a blank background? I’m assuming you saved it for your horseriding image.

    I hope that gets the photoshops going.

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    • Harrison Mooney
      February 3, 2013

      Yes. Here you go: Kassian!

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      • Lenny
        February 3, 2013

        Super! I have yet figured out a real purpose for this, but something tells me that Brad Marchand should be in there some where.

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        Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  4. Nee
    February 3, 2013

    This pic looks super creepy. Love it.

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  5. Knight of Cydonia
    February 3, 2013

    Batman is not the worst…
    http://www.cracked.com/article_18494_15-unintentionally-perverted-toys-children.html

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    • J21 (@Jyrki21)
      February 4, 2013

      If there are other Cracked readers out there, be sure to check out Sunday’s photoplasty (conspiracy photos). I managed to slip in a hockey reference. :P

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  6. TeeJay
    February 3, 2013

    Hey! Where did you get that?! I’ve lost that squirt gun years ago.How did you get your hands on it?

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  7. SFCanuckFan
    February 3, 2013

    Looking forward to all the clever photoshop pics that are about to follow! That should cheer me up after the 49ers loss.

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  8. TeeJay
    February 4, 2013

    Somebody beat Kes for the PELVIC EXAM on the ice rink.

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  9. ZeroTenacity
    February 4, 2013

    The Force is stong in Young Kassian:
    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zf1wzq.png[/IMG]

    http://i50.tinypic.com/2zf1wzq.png

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  10. ZeroTenacity
    February 4, 2013

    Passing time at the Wizardous School of Sedinerie:
    http://i48.tinypic.com/6fxrgk.png

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  11. kavi36
    February 4, 2013

    Ha, I saw this happen at the game out of the corner of my eye but I had convinced myself that there was no way that Kassian had just crawled over Crawford and that I was just seeing weird things. Glad to know it wasn’t a figment of my imagination.

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