Sidelined by injury, Ryan Kesler works minimum wage jobs to pay the bills

During the lockout, Ryan Kesler wasn’t able to take anyone’s job in Europe because he was recovering from multiple surgeries. Now that the lockout is over, Kesler is making up for lost time by stealing jobs from minimum wage earners, which just seems mean and unnecessary.

Still, a guy’s gotta pay the bills, right? Except he still collected his NHL salary throughout the lockout because he was on the Injured Reserve list. Well, then. Looks like he’s just a jerk.

In reality, Kesler has gone “undercover” at Save-On-Foods and Tim Horton’s in a fairly transparent effort to create some goodwill amongst Canucks fans after 8 long months without Canucks hockey. It also likely creates some goodwill among the Canucks sponsors, who get a nice publicity boost as well as extra traffic when word gets out that Kesler’s on location.

Kesler’s undercover adventure started at Save-on-Foods, where he bagged groceries, though his tag claims that he’s a “Store Manager.” Ridiculous. We all know the store manager is the dork on the cardboard cutout by the entrance.

Kesler dropped some jerseys, Canucks tickets, and other items and signed autographs. He also dropped some Rihanna on our unsuspecting ears, which was regrettable. The best moment, however, is when he tells an adorable old lady to hit cancel on the debit machine and she is completely confused as to why. Then Kesler lets her know that he’s going to pay for her groceries. Congratulations, Kesler, you just made a new lifelong fan.

Incidentally, that would be a really great way for the Canucks to pay back their fans for the lockout. I, for one, would feel a lot better about those lost games if Alex Burrows came and paid for my groceries this month.

His next job came at Tim Horton’s, where he did much of the same.

I never thought the day would come that I’d see Ryan Kesler in a hairnet. Brought me back to my food service days, which were terrible, so I was really upset. The little kid 30 seconds in who got tickets, however, cheered me right up. That kid’s awesome.

I love how Kesler starts to get overconfident about how good he is at his job. His job is taking the order from the person who filled it and handing it to the customer. Don’t get cocky. That literally isn’t even a job. Meanwhile, the best moment comes when Spoons shows up and gets a fist bump. You have to like Spoons.

Kesler’s also been doing some temp office work for the Canucks, basic stuff like making phone calls to interrupt someone’s pelvic exam. We’ve all been there, right?

Next, I’m sure you’ll see Kesler delivering pizzas, serving food at a retirement home, and asking you if you want fries with that. Of course, none of these jobs will ever be able to replace Ryan Kesler’s true passion: adver-tweeting.

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9 comments

  1. zach
    January 28, 2013

    Not to be picky, but it says Starbucks in the opening paragraph and then its Tim Hortons in the bottom section, I think it was Tim Hortons he was at, no?

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    • Daniel Wagner
      January 28, 2013

      Whoops. That’s a brain fart. It’s been fixed.

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  2. Canuckfaninsf
    January 28, 2013

    Them shoulders seem to be working fine! Get back on the ice, you bum!

    Just kidding. But boy do I miss our second line center.

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  3. Heather
    January 28, 2013

    As I commented on the Canucks’ FB today, these are all cute, but just let me know when he is playing hockey again!

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  4. tj
    January 28, 2013

    I like how Kess is always game.

    Booth, I hear, is the gamiest, though. (Badabing… Seriously folks, here all week…scratch…season.)

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  5. the real bob
    January 28, 2013

    so much for his modelling career…

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  6. Zach Morris
    January 28, 2013

    One thing on the whole goodwill point:
    On the surface it doesn’t make sense that a player would help the team recover goodwill after the lockout, as the teams and their owners are the ones that caused the lockout.
    On the other hand, this is the Canucks, and we have a really good relationship between the players, management and the community.
    Good on Kes and the Canucks for getting out there.

    Now more free tickets, please ;)

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  7. The Bookie
    January 28, 2013

    Spoons is still alive!? Hot damn, that’s great news. I used to see him every day on Commercial Drive, circa 2007, then he was missing for a few months, and the next time I saw him he said he had been away getting cancer treatment.

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  8. J21 (@Jyrki21)
    January 30, 2013

    “I never thought the day would come that I’d see Ryan Kesler in a hairnet.”

    I never thought the day would come that there would be Tim Hortonses in the Lower Mainland for Kesler to moonlight at. Seriously, there are 238472364 iconic coffee shops in Vancouver, and he had to pick Toronto’s?

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