I Watched This Game: Canucks at Los Angeles Kings, January 28, 2013

I always enjoy the atmosphere the Staples Centre brings to a telecast. It’s a boisterous enemy area. But if there’s one thing I still can’t handle about the Canucks’ visits to LA, it’s that execrable, heinous bumper video in which South Park sociopath Eric Cartman screams “Go Kings go!” over and over and over. It’s the worst. “Chelsea Dagger” is “Strawberry Fields Forever” compared to that thing. If you’ve ever read Hamlet, and wondered how, exactly, one perpetrates an ear poisoning, wonder no more. Seriously. You could commit regicide with this video.

Speaking of regicide, the Canucks did their best to off the Kings on Monday night, if by “did their best” you mean played badly, but were fortunate to have Roberto Luongo in goal. However, while they were fortunate in this sense, they were unfortunate in the sense that Luongo’s incredible play wasn’t quite enough to overcome their mediocre play — which, if you watched Luongo’s performance, should make clear how truly mediocre their play was. It was clear to me, because I watched this game.

Continue Reading —›
Jannik Hansen crosschecks a ref, because he really doesn’t care [VIDEO]

Not much went the Canucks’ way Sunday night in San Jose. The Sharks scored early and often, the powerplay went 0-for-7 (hitting a whopping 5 posts in the process), and somehow, Antti Niemi only allowed one goal (which is usually a clue that the luck is favouring San Jose, because Niemi’s not very good).

But it turns out that Vancouver did catch at least one break last night.

It happened just prior to puck drop, when Alex Burrows and Logan Couture got into it at the faceoff dot. Couture gave Burrows a little push to the helmet, which led to Burrows giving Couture a little push to the chest. This summoned Ryane Clowe, who stepped in to defend Couture, which summoned Jannik Hansen to defend Burrows.

Now, Hansen isn’t exactly the most imposing of figures, but that doesn’t mean he can’t intimidate. The trick, as Will Smith once taught Ashley Banks, is to make yourself seem absolutely insane. And how better to do that than crosschecking the ref?

Continue Reading —›
Sidelined by injury, Ryan Kesler works minimum wage jobs to pay the bills

During the lockout, Ryan Kesler wasn’t able to take anyone’s job in Europe because he was recovering from multiple surgeries. Now that the lockout is over, Kesler is making up for lost time by stealing jobs from minimum wage earners, which just seems mean and unnecessary.

Still, a guy’s gotta pay the bills, right? Except he still collected his NHL salary throughout the lockout because he was on the Injured Reserve list. Well, then. Looks like he’s just a jerk.

Continue Reading —›
I Watched This Game: Canucks at San Jose Sharks, January 27, 2013

The Canucks beat the Ducks on Friday, despite getting outplayed at even-strength, by essentially being jerks: they earned powerplays and cashed in with the man-advantage. You could tell right off the opening puck drop, or rather, before the opening puck drop, that they were going to try to do the same thing against the Sharks.

It half-worked: the Canucks did get outplayed at even-strength. Unfortunately, the powerplay floundered, fizzled, sputtered, and misfired, getting only 7 shots on 7 opportunities and Cory Schneider couldn’t bail the team out fast enough when the defence shot holes in the boat. I watched their gameplan fall apart when I watched this game.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger... Continue Reading —›