Ryan Kesler calls season ticket-holder, interrupts someone’s pelvic exam [VIDEO]

The Google Image search for “pelvic exam” I did in putting together this photoshop yielded horrors I had hoped to never, ever see.

In the lead-up to Saturday’s opening night tilt with the Anaheim Ducks, the Canucks announced a number of fan outreach initiatives aimed at, hopefully, making fans feel a little less uneasy about returning to the loving arms of a league that just punched them in the gonads. There would be cheap food, 50% off merchandise, and a patronizing new video, but chief amongst these initiatives was the special opportunity for a season-ticket holder to drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoffs.

That season-ticket holder was selected and informed Friday. His name: Dr. Jeffrey Bell. And for an extra-special treat, the Canucks enlisted Ryan Kesler to tell the doctor. The phone call that was filmed for Canucks.com, and thank goodness they did that, because otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to prove that Kesler somehow managed to call during a pelvic exam:

“Can I ask who’s calling?”

“Bob.”

Ryan Kesler thinks he’s hilarious.

I enjoyed the little reality check that followed, when he clarified with the receptionist that he was actually Ryan Kesler of the Vancouver Canucks and she clearly had no idea who that was. Hoping for a last name so she can look it up in the computer, she responds with “Ryan….”

“Kesler. With a K.”

But, of course, the real comedy comes after Kesler spends five minutes on hold waiting for Jeffrey Bell, who is a doctor. Bell’s excuse for the long wait:

“I was in the middle of a pelvic exam. I had my hands full.”

That statement is especially hilarious if you know what a pelvic exam entails, and thusly know what his hands were full of. If you’re unsure as to what that is, a) you’re probably a man, and b) here’s the Wiki.

Like Dr. Bell needed to explain himself for making Kesler wait, though. He’s a Canadian doctor. Inconveniently long wait times are a part of the healthcare system. Really, the Canucks blew it when they got an American, someone who wouldn’t fully understand this, to make the call. I’m surprised Kesler didn’t just ask if he could pay extra to jump the queue.

Anyway, eventually, the conversation ends, with Kesler saying, “I’ll let you get back to your pelvic exam.” But I’m a little disappointed Dr. Bell didn’t offer to be Kesler’s new physician while he had the Canuck centre on the phone. What an easy job that would be, since you’d only have to help Kesler get halfway-healed before he declared himself fully healed and walked out.

And finally, of course Kesler interrupted something. The man’s been Keslurking so long that dropping in on things he isn’t supposed to be a part of is now something he can do inadvertently.

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13 comments

  1. peanutflower
    January 19, 2013

    I don’t even know what to say about this.

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    • Sean
      January 19, 2013

      That’s pretty much what you’d say about something like this.

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      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  2. Kate
    January 19, 2013

    Oh man, when I first saw this on youtube yesterday I didn’t really understand what all the laughing was about because I didn’t know what a pelvic exam was. And then I looked it up….ya, big mistake…

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  3. TeeJay
    January 19, 2013

    Talking about PUCK DROP.Hope it didn’t happen right there in the exam.LOOK IT’S A PUCK LURKING IN THE BOTTOM!

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  4. TeeJay
    January 19, 2013

    Sorry about that anyway.

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  5. Rituro
    January 19, 2013

    Combined with the video of Kesler bagging groceries, I’d say #17′s going a little stir-crazy in his recovery.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  6. Lenny
    January 19, 2013

    They should play this video on the jumbotron tonight before the puck drop.

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  7. tj
    January 19, 2013

    When Kess said upon hearing what he’d interrupted, “Perfect,” it seemed like he was half-expecting something weird would be part of this, something his teammates could chide him about for a long time. “Yep; I’d expect nothing less than awkward to be a part of this whole thing. Have at me Bieksa.”

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  8. Nee
    January 19, 2013

    I’m a lady and I didn’t know the particulars of a pelvic exam. Thank you, Wikipedia. Yikes.

    Can I trade in my uterus for a puppy or something?

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    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  9. rvtBC
    January 19, 2013

    Entertaining, yes. But as an initiative to appease or mollify fans rightfully p-o’d about the lockout, it’s pretty lacking and weak. And cheesy. A single fan selected to drop the puck in a ceremonial face off – whatever. No sweat off the Canucks’ nor NHL’s back. Something a bit more substantive for ALL fans would be appropriate (reduced concessions and prices on gear is a place to start; be nice if it wasn’t simply for three home games though. Cheap b*stards).

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    • shoes
      January 20, 2013

      A single fan? This one is a long time, since ’88 season ticket holder…..nice thought. And as for thinking that prices would lower on stuff……fugetaboutit……. other than the free beers and stuff they gave to random groups in the lineups.

      Besides if they lower the profits, they lower the cap and that would kill the Canucks.

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  10. Brent
    January 19, 2013

    Looking forward to the first IWTG of the season!

    At least we won’t have to worry about any goalie controversy for the next little while. Whew!

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  11. JS Topher
    January 20, 2013

    Wow. I should have just taken your word for it… but I just HAD to look…

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