The Google Image search for “pelvic exam” I did in putting together this photoshop yielded horrors I had hoped to never, ever see.
In the lead-up to Saturday’s opening night tilt with the Anaheim Ducks, the Canucks announced a number of fan outreach initiatives aimed at, hopefully, making fans feel a little less uneasy about returning to the loving arms of a league that just punched them in the gonads. There would be cheap food, 50% off merchandise, and a patronizing new video, but chief amongst these initiatives was the special opportunity for a season-ticket holder to drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoffs.
That season-ticket holder was selected and informed Friday. His name: Dr. Jeffrey Bell. And for an extra-special treat, the Canucks enlisted Ryan Kesler to tell the doctor. The phone call that was filmed for Canucks.com, and thank goodness they did that, because otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to prove that Kesler somehow managed to call during a pelvic exam:
“Can I ask who’s calling?”
Ryan Kesler thinks he’s hilarious.
I enjoyed the little reality check that followed, when he clarified with the receptionist that he was actually Ryan Kesler of the Vancouver Canucks and she clearly had no idea who that was. Hoping for a last name so she can look it up in the computer, she responds with “Ryan….”
“Kesler. With a K.”
But, of course, the real comedy comes after Kesler spends five minutes on hold waiting for Jeffrey Bell, who is a doctor. Bell’s excuse for the long wait:
“I was in the middle of a pelvic exam. I had my hands full.”
That statement is especially hilarious if you know what a pelvic exam entails, and thusly know what his hands were full of. If you’re unsure as to what that is, a) you’re probably a man, and b) here’s the Wiki.
Like Dr. Bell needed to explain himself for making Kesler wait, though. He’s a Canadian doctor. Inconveniently long wait times are a part of the healthcare system. Really, the Canucks blew it when they got an American, someone who wouldn’t fully understand this, to make the call. I’m surprised Kesler didn’t just ask if he could pay extra to jump the queue.
Anyway, eventually, the conversation ends, with Kesler saying, “I’ll let you get back to your pelvic exam.” But I’m a little disappointed Dr. Bell didn’t offer to be Kesler’s new physician while he had the Canuck centre on the phone. What an easy job that would be, since you’d only have to help Kesler get halfway-healed before he declared himself fully healed and walked out.
And finally, of course Kesler interrupted something. The man’s been Keslurking so long that dropping in on things he isn’t supposed to be a part of is now something he can do inadvertently.Tags: Keslurking, Ryan Kesler, The YouTubes, videos