If you’ve been easing yourself back into Canucks coverage, there’s a good possibility you’ve missed something amidst the batcrap insanity that this Roberto Luongo storyline has managed to become. Yes, we’ve only been back since Sunday, but there have already been so many developments in this Snakes-and-Ladders saga that keeping track of everything is next to impossible.
It began the moment the new CBA was announced. Immediately, hockey fans and media washed their hands of that unfortunate diversion and picked right back up where we left off: speculating tirelessly on Roberto Luongo’s next destination. And I do mean tirelessly. We’ve heard a lot about the soon-to-be-announced compressed schedule, but the real story of this week has been the compressed baseless speculation. In what can only be interpreted as a collective bid by the hockey world to make up for lost wasted time, these last five days have been like an episode of American Horror Story: flashbacks; flash forwards; nuns possessed by Satan; Nazi doctors; a murderer that wears a mask made of human skin; Adam Levine; aliens; zombies; a psychotic Santa; a woman that thinks she’s Anne Frank.
All of these things and Tyler Bozak have been rumoured to be part of a package for Luongo.
And then, right when we thought we’d narrowed it down — it was the Maple Leafs for sure, and simply a matter of what Brian Burke would give up — the entire story changed Wednesday. First, Brian Burke was fired and replaced by Dave “The Luongo Getter” Nonis, in what can only be described as a flabbergasting move. Seriously, not a flabber went ungasted. And then, just when we thought things couldn’t possibly get any more bizarre, the Philadelphia Flyers tossed their insane hat into the ring.
That’s right. No one knows crazy like Flyers’ GM Paul Holmgren, and the moment he sniffed it in this clownshow, he decided daddy wants a taste. Nevermind that he already has a kooky goalie signed for an eternity. You can never have too many of those.
Enrico Ciccone was the first to announce Philadelphia’s interest, but his name sounds like a WCW wrestler, so it wasn’t until James Duthie corroborated the report that, suddenly, this fever dream became real.
Despite some denials, the tweet earlier from @enricociccone is accurate.The Flyers are interested in Roberto Luongo.
— james duthie (@tsnjamesduthie) January 10, 2013
Adrian Dater later corroborated James Duthie’s corroboration.
Shortly after this, Paul Holmgren denied the twice-corroborated report. “”That made me chuckle,” Holmgren said to Frank Severalli of the Philadelphia Daily News. “It’s safe to say those rumors aren’t true. They have no basis or merit.” But folks were quick to point out that Holmgren occasionally eschews the truth. And I would be quick to point out that the man is beyond impulsive. Maybe these rumours had no basis or merit… until the Philadelphia Daily News suggested it to him. In my mind, as soon as he hung up on Frank Severalli, Holmgren stroked his chin, then speed-dialed Mike Gillis.
Okay, so it’s the Flyers and the Maple Leafs. Oh, or a third team.
Don’t assume that firing Burke means Leafs will get Luongo. There are more partners in this dance than people know. Could get interesting.
— bruce dowbiggin (@dowbboy) January 10, 2013
Amazing to think that, a day ago, some insiders were speculating that Roberto Luongo might get bought out. Now everyone wants him, maybe?
In any case, here’s what we know after five days back in the saddle with this nonsense: nothing. Maybe the Leafs are still the front-runner, but maybe they aren’t. Maybe they weren’t before, but they are now. Maybe the Flyers are interested. Maybe some other teams are.
But it could be worse. You think it’s confusing for you or for us? Imagine being Roberto Luongo, who isn’t just watching hockey’s version of that absurd moment where Willy Wonka terrorizes everyone along the chocolate river of goodness. He’s in the boat.
If this keeps up I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to go on meds……..
—Strombone (@strombone1) January 10, 2013
At this point, there’s simply no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going.
Meanwhile, in other Canucks’ goalie news on Wednesday, Cory Schneider wore an interesting hat.Tags: rampant speculation, Roberto Luongo, Trade Rumour