Unreal Canucks Gif Tournament: ‘Jarkko Ruutu, huge jerk’ vs. ‘Jannik Hansen, infrequent goal-scorer’

Continuing the Unreal Canucks GIF Tournament, a quest to determine which Canucks GIF is the greatest in existence. We’ve narrowed it down to 32 candidates, divided into four divisions then seeded, one through eight. Now we need your help. An important note: this isn’t just something to do while the players and the owners waste time bickering over who should get what’s left of the money they’re burning — it’s also a super-important initiative. After all, if we don’t do this, how else will we know? AND WE MUST KNOW.

UNREAL CANUCKS GIF TOURNAMENT — SECOND ROUND, BIEKSA DIVISION

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(1) We call this gif JARKKO RUUTU, HUGE JERK.

In this battle of the pratfalls, it’s hard to beat Ruutu’s abject embarrassment of Dion Phaneuf. Absolutely everything goes wrong for Phaneuf: not only does he not get the satisfaction of punching Ruutu’s highly punchable face, he ends up on the ice, looking for all the world like he slipped on a banana peel.

Phaneuf even got a penalty on the play for unsportsmanlike conduct. The ref basically saw him falling down like a goof and said, “That don’t look like no sportsman! No sportsman would fall down on the ice without his stick and gloves, which are both essential sportsman equipment! That is conduct unbecoming a sportsman, and I will have none of it!”

(6) We call this gif JANNIK HANSEN, INFREQUENT GOAL-SCORER.

The only advantage that Hansen’s pratfall has over Phaneuf’s is that Hansen does it all to himself. There’s no malice in it, no rancour, no possible accusation of a cheapshot. Truly, Hansen’s is the purer, more joyful pratfall. This is a celebration of physical comedy, where even Hansen laughed and enjoyed his own goofiness. There are no victims here. Except for the Avalanche. But screw ‘em.

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OKAY. Now let’s vote.

Voting closes at midnight.

WINNER — JARKKO RUUTU, HUGE JERK (79.53%)

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3 comments

  1. the olde coot
    December 21, 2012

    Best thing about dear Dion’s fall
    Is Ruutu doesn’t care at all
    He nonchalantly turns away
    As though this happens every day

    As for Jannik’s little tumble
    “The lesser gif,” I hear her mumble,
    “And so Phaneuf’s is going through
    And there is nothing I can do,

    Except perhaps ‘Return to Poll’
    And all day long this posting troll,
    But that of course would be unfair
    So I’ll leave Hansen lying there.”

    Whining of course was Jenny Wren
    Who proves annoying now and then

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  2. Mt
    December 22, 2012

    Slapstick v. auto-slapstick. Love them both but one is great, one is a lasting classic. No contest, really.

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  3. Charlie@HockeyBias.com
    December 23, 2012

    Merry Christmas! …Who knew such great shootout Machismo was living and breathing in the ECHL? Take a look at Colton Yellow Horn’s Between-The-Legs-Self-Kick-Pass-Spin-O-Rama Shootout Goal. It should be in Wikipedia under ‘Sick’.:

    http://www.hockeybias.com/hockey-news-past/2012/December/Colton-Yellow-Horn-Shootout-Goal-12-22-12-video.html

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