Unreal Canucks Gif Tournament: ‘Dhalsim Punch’ vs. ‘Bieksa’s Irresistible Tush’

Introducing the Unreal Canucks GIF Tournament, a quest to determine which Canucks GIF is the greatest in existence. We’ve narrowed it down to 32 candidates, divided into four divisions then seeded, one through eight. Now we need your help. An important note: this isn’t just something to do while the players and the owners waste time bickering over who should get what’s left of the money they’re burning — it’s also a super-important initiative. After all, if we don’t do this, how else will we know? AND WE MUST KNOW.

UNREAL CANUCKS GIF TOURNAMENT — FIRST ROUND, BIEKSA DIVISION

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(2) We call this gif DHALSIM PUNCH.

Kevin Bieksa’s arms are, tragically, in proportion with the rest of his body and they do not have the ability to stretch over long distances. Thus, when Bieksa wants to punch someone, perhaps for trying to fight his mild-mannered defence partner, he has to get creative. The real star of this gif, however, is the ref, who seems to take the unconventional act of throwing a glove completely in stride, casually pointing to the glove, then tossing Bieksa in the penalty box. Completely non-plussed, that guy. Kudos.

(7) We call this gif BIEKSA’S IRRESISTIBLE TUSH.

Like a fine wine, this gif gets better with age: on first glance at this animated masterpiece, it just looks like the linesmen is copping a feel on not one, but both of Bieksa’s buttcheeks. This is, of course, high-larious. It is only on closer inspection that you see the puck tumbling from Bieksa’s glove and see that the poor linesman was just trying to catch it on the first grab; that doesn’t explain the second grab, which definitely catches cheek. Once again, high-larious. And then there’s the odd gentleman taking the whole thing in from the front row behind the glass, seeming to ponder the meaning of life and how it relates to butt-grabbing. Let me tell you, good sir: it’s all about butt-grabbing. All of it.

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OKAY. Now let’s vote.

Voting closing at midnight.

WINNER — DHALSIM PUNCH (53.73%)

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12 comments

  1. Nee
    December 6, 2012

    Tough choice, but the first gif still cracks me up. Reminds me of my 3 year old niece when she’s in a bad mood.

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    Rating: +5 (from 5 votes)
  2. pooroldbearandelkandducksandunicorn
    December 6, 2012

    Not really fair, putting these two gems up against each other in teh first round. Also kind of confused by the “he’s so old” on the other one – guess I’m missing an inside joke?

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
  3. Dani
    December 6, 2012

    I have to agree with pooroldbear. It’s absolutely not fair to put these two against each other in round one. They’re both golden.

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    Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  4. Rituro
    December 6, 2012

    At the time of my voting, they are two votes apart. If I had voted the other way, it would be a tie.

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    Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
  5. Canucklehead_in_T.O.
    December 6, 2012

    Tough call on this one….
    I chose the butt-grab, and based my vote on which of these two vignettes I would most like to have experienced first-hand……..

    Pun intended.

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    Rating: +3 (from 3 votes)
    • Daniel Wagner
      December 6, 2012

      Ha! Well-played.

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
      • pooroldbearandelkandducksandunicorn
        December 7, 2012

        The buttgrab was funny, but the funniest part was not in the gif – it was a very redfaced, very bluecollar defenseman instantly skating away from the ref at top speed afterwards. But actually I agree with Canucklehead. (New addition to the bucket list, ladies and gents)

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        • pooroldbearandelkandducksandunicorn
          December 7, 2012

          But mostly just ladies.

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  6. Wagman
    December 6, 2012

    Hey, this was posted Dec 6th.
    Hey, it is Dec 6th at 10:15pm.
    Why is the poll closed?

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    • Harrison Mooney
      December 6, 2012

      Yeah, it turns out the account we’re using is set to Eastern time. Silly. It’s fixed from here on out.

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      Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)
      • pooroldbearandelkandducksandunicorn
        December 7, 2012

        No offense, as I know it isn’t you guys that set it up, but this is the most hilariously slow and belovedly flawed internet-based platform since about 1999. Its time to post a single comment (if it deigns to) is about 30 seconds on average with a high-speed connection.

        Can you start a betting pool for how many more animals will fall to the bow/gun/knife/throwing stars of David Booth before the lockout ends?

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        • pooroldbearandelkandducksandunicorn
          December 7, 2012

          Winner gets to learn the result of Salo is your pal-o?

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