Harrison made the NHL lockout parody nobody wanted, but everyone needed [VIDEO]

I could have stopped him. Instead, I helped him. I am so, so sorry.

When Harrison called me a couple weeks ago asking me to help him with a parody song about the NHL lockout, I was expecting something similar to “Lockout Man,” the “Rocket Man” parody we did at the end of September. I thought he had in mind a silly riff on a popular song and that would be the end of it. I was wrong.

I had no idea that his idea for a parody of Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend” would result in too-tight yoga pants and floor-humping. But really, given how long I’ve known Harrison, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

I hadn’t even heard “Call Your Girlfriend” before Harrison played me the music video, which shows the eponymous Robyn dancing alone in a warehouse, with her only accompaniment being a series of flashing lights. It’s pretty amazing to watch if only because the dancing isn’t exactly phenomenal – just very, very enthusiastic.

So when Harrison told me that part of his plan was to recreate the music video for his parody “Call the Union,” I was a little worried. Suffice it to say he nailed the video: his dancing is very, very enthusiastic.

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Jannik Hansen, human classified section: a guide to Tappara’s sponsors (INTERACTIVE PHOTO)

A restless Jannik Hansen made the trip overseas last week, signing up for a tour of duty with Tappara of the SM-liiga. He did his first interview as a member of the club Thursday. When asked about the differences between playing in Finland and playing in North America, Hansen, who had yet to suit up for a game, went with what he knew: the ice surface is larger, so there will be more room to do stuff.

Here’s another major difference he was sure to observe shortly thereafter: the Finnish Elite League allows advertising on jerseys. A ton of it. As a member of Tappara, Hansen looks a little like Captain Amazing of Mystery Men, covered from head to toe in corporate sponsors.

It’s bewildering for North American hockey fans, both because we’re not used to it and because we don’t recognize any of these logos.

But fret not, hockey fan, because we’ve got you covered. Each ad on the image below is tagged and labelled, so you can examine Hansen’s jersey and learn a little something about the multifarious companies using him as a living, breathing billboard.

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