The Bieksa’s Buddies charity game goes Wednesday night at 7pm at the Doug Mitchell Thunderbird Sports Centre at UBC. We’ll be there. So will Cathy Miller, who won our ticket giveaway. And, thanks to Wacey Hamilton, brother of UBC player Wyatt Hamilton, we’ve finally got some insight into who else will be in the house.
Bieksa has been hinting for weeks that there would be some surprises among the cast of characters that round out his team, and he wasn’t kidding. Here’s your full roster:
Now, I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest that the Bure, Lapierre, Messier line is a joke. Additionally, I don’t think Jim Vandermeer will be on a defensive pairing with Harry Potter. Furthermore, Bieksa has already gone on record as saying that they don’t need more than one goaltender, which is likely why the ghost of Gump Worsley gets the backup nod.
I’m sure Schneider will relish the opportunity to have nobody breathing down his neck for the job.
But the rest of this lineup is real. Poncho-wearer Michael Buble will indeed be playing the role of Alex Burrows as the Sedins’ right winger. That’s not a joke. And Bieksa has chosen to break up his reliable pairing with Dan Hamhuis so that he can play with his brother Marty.
As a consolation prize, Hamhuis will have to play with former 90210 star Jason Priestley.
Speaking of familial duos, Manny Malhotra’s brother-in-law, Martin Nash, will play right wing on the third line. Think he’s as good at hockey as Malhotra is at soccer? I don’t. On the bright side, they’ll be playing with Kelowna-born actor Taylor Kitsch, so Nash likely won’t be the worst part of that line. I suspect that Kitsch is there for protection. If the team is beset by outer space monsters, John Carter’s got them covered.
Edit: I have been informed that Kitsch is a former junior A player. John Carter’s got skills, yo.
Hamilton was also kind enough to give us some insight into the keys of the game for the UBC side. They are as follows:
Good call on spearing Buble in the throat. Remind him he’s playing with the big boys now. Toughen him up. Same goes for chirping Priestley about 90210.
If chirping the former Brandon Walsh is the plan, I recommend asking him about that time he got drugged by Emily Valentine. That was an ordeal, hey Priestley?
Asking the Sedins about their frequent visits to Ikea seems foolish. It’s guaranteed to light a fire under them, and giving them time and space afterward just seems like a bad idea. Who’s running this team, the Edmonton Oilers’ front office?
Finding out who Pelly is? That’s a must.
And, of course, making sure the flow is goin’ is just a key to life.