It’s time once more for Ask it to Bulis, where two incredibly intelligent, witty, handsome, and humble bloggers answer your questions about life, the universe, and everything, but mostly the Vancouver Canucks. Side effects include enlightenment, rationality, and gangrene.
What do you make of no VAN players in Europe/elsewhere? - @EdenN8
Harrison: It’s a bit strange, really. Thomas Drance did some great work digging into why the Sedins and Alex Edler might be a little hesitant to go home, but it’s still curious that not a single Canuck has made the trek overseas. I know Jannik Hansen was strongly considering going to Denmark, but it seems like he has since relented, and I suspect this had something to do with the team deciding as a team to stay home. And, since Mike Gillis gave this decision a vote of confidence Tuesday on the radio, I’d be tempted to suggest that they’ve even decided as a franchise.
On one hand, I can see the sense in it. As Gillis said, the injury concerns over there are real. If something goes wrong, you want the doctors you know and trust to deal with it. I think a lot of players remain genuinely terrified by what happened to Alexei Cherepanov. Plus, this team is desperate for a Cup. It would be devastating to suffer an injury overseas that took away the chance to compete for it.
But on the other hand, here’s the concern: The Canucks are in win-now mode, and if the season suddenly starts up midway through the year and they’re the only team still uniformly working through their offseason sea legs, they could lose valuable ground — especially in a shortened season. This is why Lindy Ruff in Buffalo said he supports his players going to Europe.
So I’m on the fence. There’s support for both sides.
Daniel: I, on the other hand, just think that every single Canuck has warrants out for their arrest in Europe.
I invented a sport called Pepsiball. Do you think now is a good opportunity to popularize it? - @dandonkers
Harrison: I think following your dreams shouldn’t be contingent on what else is going on in the world. If you believe in Pepsiball, and only if you truly believe in Pepsiball, I say go for it. But it sounds terrible, so I also say you probably shouldn’t believe in it.
Daniel: Might want to check the trademark on it as well. Following dreams is all well and good, but they’re easier to follow when you’re not being sued into the dirt.
You’re stuck on a desert island with Gary Bettman, a witty talking dog, and 20 million dollars in cash. What do you do? - @SchneidersTeeth
Harrison: Wait to die seems like the obvious answer. And since Gary Bettman’s there, I’ll assume that, by the time I get to the cash, only 47% is left?
Daniel: Call for help with the cell phone Gary Bettman always has on him, then use the $20 million on marketing for the witty talking dog. He and I are going places, baby!
Who will be the Jeff O’Neill of this lockout? The guy who seemed okay, but who never plays again. - @SteveMay
Harrison: There are a lot of 40-year-olds this time around, and I’d suspect that a lengthy work stoppage might cost them whatever they’ve got left. But if we’re talking about 30-goal scorer I think could hit the wall at any time and might do so coming out of the lockout, I’ll put my money on Patrick Marleau. I feel like that guy hit an absolute wall in the playoffs versus St. Louis, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it carry over.
Daniel: Well, O’Neill did play for two more seasons after the last lockout, but never topped 30 goals and 60 points like he did with the Hurricanes prior to the lockout. He definitely never came close to his career-best 41 goals from 2000-01. It’s tough to say who might struggle similarly if this lockout goes for a full season. Jason Pominville, perhaps? Maybe Michael Ryder, who scored 35 goals last season with a career-high shooting percentage and will be 33 by the start of next season.
How long does Cory Schneider have before the knives are sharpened? - @SirCanuckles
Harrison: Unless Schneider wins the Cup with the Canucks this year, just one season. If and when the Canucks are eliminated, some fans will begin to blame him. If the Canucks fail to make the postseason, the regularity with which they did so during the Roberto Luongo era will come up. And if they do, but they don’t win the Cup, Schneider will catch flak for being just as unable to “get it done”, as they say, as Luongo.
Daniel: I’m a little more optimistic than that. Luongo caught flak after the Canucks were bounced from the playoffs in his first season with the team, but that was after his lapse in concentration in overtime of game 5 against the Ducks, allowing Scott Niedermayer to score probably the easiest goal of his career. He was incredible in both the regular season and playoffs that year, but that one lapse in concentration got the criticisms started, even if they were undeserved.
Unless Schneider makes a similar error, he’ll likely get a couple seasons of grace before Canucks fans turn on him. But it is sad that we’re talking about “when” rather than “if.”
People got mad about your top-50 Canucks twitter account list, so why not do a “worst 10″ list and achieve the opposite result? - @ThomasDrance
Daniel: Makes perfect sense! I don’t see any way that this could go wrong.
Harrison: My list would just be @KingLuongo 10 times.
How long until we can make Vancouver riot jokes without people flipping out? Asking
#AskittoBulis for a friend. - @jessespector
Daniel: I don’t even get upset about Vancouver riot jokes. They just bore me because they’re all the same. As soon as someone comes up with an original riot joke, I guess.
Harrison: Hey, how many Vancouverites does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They would just start a fire instead.
Daniel: TOO SOON, HARRISON! TOO SOON!
Which Canuck forward would do the best job on defence ? My guess: Hansen. - @DonaldKeddy
Harrison: I personally think Alex Burrows is the guy that would be called back to the blueline if the Canucks were in truly dire need. He’s got great defensive instincts. And he has been known to play defence in practice occasionally.
Daniel: While Hansen is a great defensive forward who can pokecheck like a Banshee who has a great pokecheck, it’s not as simple as that. A defenceman needs to have great gap control, be physical enough to deal with players in front of the net, and make a good first pass. I think the player who would best be suited to making that transition would be Ryan Kesler or, perhaps, Maxim Lapierre.
What ever happened to Josh Holden? - @albertareview
Harrison: Clearly, you’re not a fan of EV Zug of Swiss National League A, because if you were, you wouldn’t be asking this question. Holden’s a star over there. He’s still got it, too. His last taste of NHL action was in October of 2011 when the Rangers visited Switzerland for an exhibition game with his club, and Holden scored the game-winning goal in an 8-4 EV Zug romp.
Daniel: I went on a zug romp once. Not as fun as it sounds.
Will Salo ever really be my pal-o? - natevk
Harrison: I can’t believe we’ve gone this long without announcing the winners of that contest. Here’s the truth: I was waiting on Greg Wyshynski to get back to me with his picks, and while I was waiting, I lost Cam Cole’s because he sent them over Twitter direct message and they got deleted after 30 days or whatever. And then it was just a gong show. We really appreciate our readers and this was a colossal screwup on my part. But we will announce winners for this contest eventually, and we’ll do what we can to make it up to those people since some of the prizes have since drifted into obsolescence.
Daniel: And I swear, I will announce the winner of the Anti-Fantasy League at some point. The main delay is that I was trying to line up some prizes and they fell through.
Who would win in a fight, Zack Kassian, or Wonderwoman? - @TomTaylor28
Harrison: I’m sure Daniel is better equipped to answer this question than I am since he’s a huge, huge, huge nerd, but this one seems like a no contest for Wonderwoman. She beat Batman once. I’ve been led to believe this is difficult to do.
Daniel: Um, “Wonder Woman” is two separate words, guys. Sheesh.
In any case, Harrison’s dead-on with his assessment. Over time, Wonder Woman’s power level has been amped up to the point that she’s basically as powerful as Superman, with the main difference being that Wonder Woman was raised by a warrior society and uses weapons. So yeah, Kassian would lose. Badly.
The only chance he would have is if he was facing the original, pre-Crisis Wonder Woman, in which case he could exploit her one major weakness: she would lose all of her powers if she allowed herself to be bound by a male. Many of her earliest stories revolved around this weakness because her creator, William Moulton Marston (inventor of the polygraph!), had some rather odd ideas about feminism and sexuality. In any case, if Kassian were somehow able to convince Wonder Woman to allow him to tie her up, she would lose all her powers, and Kassian could win. I’m going to avoid thinking about the possible situations in which that could occur.
Which furry forest animal will David Booth kill next? - @chan_bing
Daniel: I suspect, given his religious views, that he’s planning on travelling to Narnia to hunt the White Stag.
Do you believe David Booth will ever hunt the most dangerous game? - @prfctsoundforvr
Daniel: Wait, what?
Follow-up: which Canuck would be the easiest and hardest to hunt? - @prfctsoundforvr
Harrison: I, uh… hang on a second.
Follow-up follow-up: which Canuck would be the tastiest? - prfctsoundforvr
Daniel: Okay, this Ask it to Bulis is over.Tags: Ask It To Bulis, Cory Schneider, david booth, Gary Bettman, Lockout, Pepsiball, riot jokes, Salo is your Palo, Super obscure comic book references