Ask it to Bulis! on no European Canucks, knifing Cory Schneider, and Wonder Woman

It’s time once more for Ask it to Bulis, where two incredibly intelligent, witty, handsome, and humble bloggers answer your questions about life, the universe, and everything, but mostly the Vancouver Canucks. Side effects include enlightenment, rationality, and gangrene.

What do you make of no VAN players in Europe/elsewhere? - @EdenN8

Harrison: It’s a bit strange, really. Thomas Drance did some great work digging into why the Sedins and Alex Edler might be a little hesitant to go home, but it’s still curious that not a single Canuck has made the trek overseas. I know Jannik Hansen was strongly considering going to Denmark, but it seems like he has since relented, and I suspect this had something to do with the team deciding as a team to stay home. And, since Mike Gillis gave this decision a vote of confidence Tuesday on the radio, I’d be tempted to suggest that they’ve even decided as a franchise.

On one hand, I can see the sense in it. As Gillis said, the injury concerns over there are real. If something goes wrong, you want the doctors you know and trust to deal with it.  I think a lot of players remain genuinely terrified by what happened to Alexei Cherepanov. Plus, this team is desperate for a Cup. It would be devastating to suffer an injury overseas that took away the chance to compete for it.

But on the other hand, here’s the concern: The Canucks are in win-now mode, and if the season suddenly starts up midway through the year and they’re the only team still uniformly working through their offseason sea legs, they could lose valuable ground — especially in a shortened season. This is why Lindy Ruff in Buffalo said he supports his players going to Europe.

So I’m on the fence. There’s support for both sides.

Daniel: I, on the other hand, just think that every single Canuck has warrants out for their arrest in Europe.

I invented a sport called Pepsiball. Do you think now is a good opportunity to popularize it? - @dandonkers

Harrison: I think following your dreams shouldn’t be contingent on what else is going on in the world. If you believe in Pepsiball, and only if you truly believe in Pepsiball, I say go for it. But it sounds terrible, so I also say you probably shouldn’t believe in it.

Daniel: Might want to check the trademark on it as well. Following dreams is all well and good, but they’re easier to follow when you’re not being sued into the dirt.

You’re stuck on a desert island with Gary Bettman, a witty talking dog, and 20 million dollars in cash. What do you do? - @SchneidersTeeth

Harrison: Wait to die seems like the obvious answer. And since Gary Bettman’s there, I’ll assume that, by the time I get to the cash, only 47% is left?

Daniel: Call for help with the cell phone Gary Bettman always has on him, then use the $20 million on marketing for the witty talking dog. He and I are going places, baby!

Who will be the Jeff O’Neill of this lockout? The guy who seemed okay, but who never plays again. - @SteveMay

Harrison: There are a lot of 40-year-olds this time around, and I’d suspect that a lengthy work stoppage might cost them whatever they’ve got left. But if we’re talking about 30-goal scorer I think could hit the wall at any time and might do so coming out of the lockout, I’ll put my money on Patrick Marleau. I feel like that guy hit an absolute wall in the playoffs versus St. Louis, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it carry over.

Daniel: Well, O’Neill did play for two more seasons after the last lockout, but never topped 30 goals and 60 points like he did with the Hurricanes prior to the lockout. He definitely never came close to his career-best 41 goals from 2000-01. It’s tough to say who might struggle similarly if this lockout goes for a full season. Jason Pominville, perhaps? Maybe Michael Ryder, who scored 35 goals last season with a career-high shooting percentage and will be 33 by the start of next season.

How long does Cory Schneider have before the knives are sharpened? - @SirCanuckles

Harrison: Unless Schneider wins the Cup with the Canucks this year, just one season. If and when the Canucks are eliminated, some fans will begin to blame him. If the Canucks fail to make the postseason, the regularity with which they did so during the Roberto Luongo era will come up. And if they do, but they don’t win the Cup, Schneider will catch flak for being just as unable to “get it done”, as they say, as Luongo.

Daniel: I’m a little more optimistic than that. Luongo caught flak after the Canucks were bounced from the playoffs in his first season with the team, but that was after his lapse in concentration in overtime of game 5 against the Ducks, allowing Scott Niedermayer to score probably the easiest goal of his career. He was incredible in both the regular season and playoffs that year, but that one lapse in concentration got the criticisms started, even if they were undeserved.

Unless Schneider makes a similar error, he’ll likely get a couple seasons of grace before Canucks fans turn on him. But it is sad that we’re talking about “when” rather than “if.”

People got mad about your top-50 Canucks twitter account list, so why not do a “worst 10″ list and achieve the opposite result? - @ThomasDrance

Daniel: Makes perfect sense! I don’t see any way that this could go wrong.

Harrison: My list would just be @KingLuongo 10 times.

How long until we can make Vancouver riot jokes without people flipping out? Asking #AskittoBulis for a friend. - @jessespector

Daniel: I don’t even get upset about Vancouver riot jokes. They just bore me because they’re all the same. As soon as someone comes up with an original riot joke, I guess.

Harrison: Hey, how many Vancouverites does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They would just start a fire instead.

Daniel: TOO SOON, HARRISON! TOO SOON!

Which Canuck forward would do the best job on defence ? My guess: Hansen. - @DonaldKeddy

Harrison: I personally think Alex Burrows is the guy that would be called back to the blueline if the Canucks were in truly dire need. He’s got great defensive instincts. And he has been known to play defence in practice occasionally.

Daniel: While Hansen is a great defensive forward who can pokecheck like a Banshee who has a great pokecheck, it’s not as simple as that. A defenceman needs to have great gap control, be physical enough to deal with players in front of the net, and make a good first pass. I think the player who would best be suited to making that transition would be Ryan Kesler or, perhaps, Maxim Lapierre.

What ever happened to Josh Holden? - @albertareview

Harrison: Clearly, you’re not a fan of EV Zug of Swiss National League A, because if you were, you wouldn’t be asking this question. Holden’s a star over there. He’s still got it, too. His last taste of NHL action was in October of 2011 when the Rangers visited Switzerland for an exhibition game with his club, and Holden scored the game-winning goal in an 8-4 EV Zug romp.

Daniel: I went on a zug romp once. Not as fun as it sounds.

Will Salo ever really be my pal-o? - natevk

Harrison: I can’t believe we’ve gone this long without announcing the winners of that contest. Here’s the truth: I was waiting on Greg Wyshynski to get back to me with his picks, and while I was waiting, I lost Cam Cole’s because he sent them over Twitter direct message and they got deleted after 30 days or whatever. And then it was just a gong show. We really appreciate our readers and this was a colossal screwup on my part. But we will announce winners for this contest eventually, and we’ll do what we can to make it up to those people since some of the prizes have since drifted into obsolescence.

Daniel: And I swear, I will announce the winner of the Anti-Fantasy League at some point. The main delay is that I was trying to line up some prizes and they fell through.

Who would win in a fight, Zack Kassian, or Wonderwoman? - @TomTaylor28

Harrison: I’m sure Daniel is better equipped to answer this question than I am since he’s a huge, huge, huge nerd, but this one seems like a no contest for Wonderwoman. She beat Batman once. I’ve been led to believe this is difficult to do.

Daniel: Um, “Wonder Woman” is two separate words, guys. Sheesh.

In any case, Harrison’s dead-on with his assessment. Over time, Wonder Woman’s power level has been amped up to the point that she’s basically as powerful as Superman, with the main difference being that Wonder Woman was raised by a warrior society and uses weapons. So yeah, Kassian would lose. Badly.

The only chance he would have is if he was facing the original, pre-Crisis Wonder Woman, in which case he could exploit her one major weakness: she would lose all of her powers if she allowed herself to be bound by a male. Many of her earliest stories revolved around this weakness because her creator, William Moulton Marston (inventor of the polygraph!), had some rather odd ideas about feminism and sexuality. In any case, if Kassian were somehow able to convince Wonder Woman to allow him to tie her up, she would lose all her powers, and Kassian could win. I’m going to avoid thinking about the possible situations in which that could occur.

Which furry forest animal will David Booth kill next? - @chan_bing

Harrison: David Booth is this close to traipsing into Dunwyn and going after the Gummi Bears of Gummi Glen. That’s right. David Booth is Duke Sigmund Igthorn, and he’s coming for you, Gruffi Gummi.

Daniel: I suspect, given his religious views, that he’s planning on travelling to Narnia to hunt the White Stag.

Do you believe David Booth will ever hunt the most dangerous game? - @prfctsoundforvr

Daniel: Wait, what?

Follow-up: which Canuck would be the easiest and hardest to hunt? - @prfctsoundforvr

Harrison: I, uh… hang on a second.

Follow-up follow-up: which Canuck would be the tastiest? - prfctsoundforvr

Daniel: Okay, this Ask it to Bulis is over.

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13 comments

  1. Daniel W.
    October 5, 2012

    Josh Holden’s become a pretty dirty player for Zug actually. Got suspended multiple times, once for 8 games (even bigger deal, when you factor in the fewer games!)
    Sure, he’s a star, but also a pretty nasty player”

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  2. Dan D
    October 5, 2012

    I tried to rename Pepsiball, but all I could come up with is slapball, which sounds way worse. It’s a fun game though – kind of a combo of handball and floor hockey. But not named for success, that’s for sure.

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    • Nee
      October 5, 2012

      Or way awesome!

      We should have a lockout SLAPBALL league.

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  3. Wagman
    October 5, 2012

    “Side effects include enlightenment, rationality, and gangrene.”

    Isn’t that redundant?

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  4. mightystickbug
    October 5, 2012

    Please, like Aslan would let Booth into Narnia.

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  5. akidd
    October 6, 2012

    that photo with the twenty-something dead ducks on a string was so gross. you think one would be satisfied with one or two duck kills. but to just keep killing and killing?

    i like to tell myself that the lockout is the only reason that booth is still a canuck. booth has got to be the most unpoplular canuck by a landslide. surely, gillis would like to have that one back.

    tolerance of differing beliefs is one thing but there is such a gap between ‘bieksa’s buddies’ and ‘booth’s bloodies’ . it’s unreal.

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    • jenny wren
      October 6, 2012

      A basic truth re David Booth:
      If he hunts to feed his friends,
      Then he’s no need to make amends;
      But if for thrills is why he kills,
      Then he’s uncouth I say forsooth,
      And he my heart with horror fills.

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    • Daniel Wagner
      October 6, 2012

      I like Booth just fine. I’m sure most Canucks fans feel the same way. The vast majority likely think it’s completely his own business that he hunts as a hobby and that he has strongly held religious beliefs. I doubt Gillis has any regrets about bringing him on board.

      As for the number of ducks, one or two ducks would be one meal. If Booth is hunting to have meat for a few months or a year, then he would need to shoot far more than one or two. That honestly doesn’t look like an abnormal number of ducks for that type of hunting trip.

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      • akidd
        October 7, 2012

        if it’s ‘completely his own business’ why does he post his kill videos and photos for all to see? a pro hockey player, whether he likes it or not, is a public figure so when he uses that platform to promote his personal ideologies then it’s no longer ‘completely his own business’.

        i know the canucks pride themselves on having a postive impact on the community. i’m pretty sure they weren’t too pleased about booth’s videos. as he represents the canucks. booth has a legal right to hunt, and the right to free speech. the canucks also have the right to manage their public image.

        a politician, in his private life, can do something perfectly legal that may damage the popularity of his party. if he is asked to resign nobody blinks an eye. booth is paid to play hockey but there is also the understanding that he is representing the canuck brand. a solid brand image is just as important as winning games when it comes to generating revenue.

        i believe that gillis would like the booth trade back, for various reasons. and i believe that even for pure non-hockey reasons the canucks would be within their rights to move booth to a market where his hobbies and the promotion of his hobbies would be considered less offensive.

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    • John
      October 9, 2012

      “i like to tell myself that the lockout is the only reason that booth is still a canuck.”
      Or maybe because Gillis and company don’t make hockey operations decisions on the basis of the players’ hobbies, but prefer to focus on whether or not they help win hockey games?

      This is one of, if not the, dumbest things I’ve ever read in these comments. Usually these comments are pretty good. It’s hard enough to win in the NHL without imposing arbitrary limitations whose sole potential is to make the team worse than it would otherwise be. This is like the Vancouver version of ultranationalist Quebec hockey fans demanding that the Habs ice players from La Belle Province and that the entire organization speak French. Except worse, because there’s no basis for it in “tradition” or anything like that.

      To sum up, I am mentally slapping you in the face right now.

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  6. TeeJay
    October 9, 2012

    Maybe Henrik and Daniel (SEDINS) made a promise to the ROYALS that they are not going back there until they win a STANLEY CUP. Common tell the truth GUYS!!!

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  7. Mt
    October 9, 2012

    If only Booth would hurry up and let us all know if he eats the animals or not so we can feel more secure about being judgmental. Come on already, self doubt in never conducive to a good tirade. What kind of villain makes people sorta-mad but doesn’t give enough information to to be truly incredulous. What a jerk. I mean, maybe a nice guy, or maybe I mean … oh I’m just so confused. AAhh.

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    • Katsudon
      October 15, 2012

      I read somewhere in an interview that Booth eats what he kills. I don’t remember where though :/ but that’s what I remember…

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