Finisher Friday: The Canucks will win the Stanley Cup when…

On Fridays, we turn the blog over to these people. Well, not literally these people. They don’t look trustworthy. But people like them.

Earlier this week, the Canucks Twitter account attempted to drum up a little enthusiasm, tweeting “I became a Vancouver Canucks fan because…” and asking their followers to finish the sentence. Because Canucks fans are generally given to self-loathing (either caused or explained by their fandom), most of the answers were hilarious snark.

We compiled them in a post on Wednesday, and as we chuckled at hockey’s grumpiest fanbase at work, we thought to ourselves, hey, we should do this more often. And thus, “Finisher Friday” was born. Each week, we’ll ask our Twitter followers to complete a sentence, and the best, snappiest, snarkiest answers will find their way into a Friday post.

In today’s debut, we asked fans to tell us when the Canucks might finally hoist the cup.

 

Matt Parker was just the first in a long line of smartasses offering up variations on this joke. Here are a few more:

 

That’s just facts.

 

You don’t say.

 

This one or the next one?

 

So you’re saying there’s a chance.

 

Hey, that might happen in my lifetime! Apparently, he spends 15 minutes a day on it.

 

So many dragons would be slain! And speaking of dragons…

 

Bummer. Considering how slowly the show is moving Daenerys and her dragons along, this won’t be for another 10 years or so.

 

There’s no shame in getting it this way. That’s how Mitt Romney won the GOP nomination.

 

Dammit Hansen, pull your weight!

 

I was wondering why everybody is wearing black construction paper goatees. And speaking of facial hair…

 

“The curse of Garrett’s moustache” has a nice ring to it. We may have to campaign for its demise.

 

As he should! But we may not need him to apologize if Bryan has his way:

 

This doesn’t make sense. It implies the gods are Canucks fans, and if there’s one thing my years of fandom has taught me, it’s that they definitely aren’t.

 

I think we all feel this way, Steve.

 

I can’t wait until three years from now when someone answers, “When Schneider is traded and Lack is finally given the number one job.”

 

They kept the wrong guy this summer.

 

DENTAL PLAN.

 

Well, that’s illegal. And he died two years after the Canucks were founded. So it’s probably a long shot.

But this week’s blue ribbon goes to Jaspreet:

 

Oof.

7 comments

  1. DirtyMariner
    September 28, 2012

    Hell freezes over.

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    Rating: +2 (from 16 votes)
    • Daniel Wagner
      September 28, 2012

      See, you think you’re being funny as someone who hates the Canucks by being snarky about their chances at winning the Cup, but this is tame compared to what actual Canucks fans said. My suggestion: use some creativity next time. Be less predictable.

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      Rating: +6 (from 20 votes)
    • Wagman
      September 29, 2012

      It will be so fun to say “hell froze over” next year (or whenever the NHL resumes)… ;)

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      Rating: +1 (from 7 votes)
  2. Jim
    September 28, 2012

    …Toronto makes the playoffs.

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    Rating: +4 (from 6 votes)
    • JDM
      October 1, 2012

      See, ironically, Toronto will (in my view) make the playoffs if they trade for Luongo. That’s the missing piece. They probably won’t go anywhere, but it’ll get them in the top 8.

      So in other words the Canucks will win the cup when they trade Luongo. That’s what you’re saying here.

      You dirty Luongo hater. You’re just like all the rest.

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      Rating: +2 (from 2 votes)
  3. Wagman
    September 29, 2012

    …they take more shots at the stanchions instead of the net.
    …the referees are locked out.
    …final horn signals the apocalypse.

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    Rating: +1 (from 3 votes)
  4. DirtyMariner
    September 30, 2012

    42 years of failure and counting.

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    Rating: +4 (from 10 votes)