Canucks fans are inherently self-effacing.

While many hockey fans are descending into despair and cynicism in the wake of this lockout, the Vancouver Canucks Twitter account gleefully soldiers on. If they weren’t being paid to be so optimistic, it would be downright admirable.

On Tuesday, they attempted to infect the rest of us with their sappy cheer, tweeting “I became a Canucks fan because…” in the hopes of filling us with the warm fuzzies of reminiscence.

But it didn’t quite work. For some, this was an opportunity to tell their moving conversion stories. I was riding my donkey on the road to Damascus when all of a sudden Trevor Linden appeared before me in a brilliant shaft of light… that sort of thing. But for others, it was merely an opportunity to be a smartass. After all, Canuck fans are grumpy gusses most of the time as it is, but in the midst of a lockout, they’re even gloomier than usual. “I became a Canucks fan because of their revolutionary social media strategy,” dour old Cam Charron tweeted, and he wasn’t the only one that met the optimism of @vancanucks with pure, unadulterated snark. Here are some of our favourites.

Stockholm Syndrome. RT @vancanucks I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— Thomas Drance (@ThomasDrance) September 25, 2012

Get it? Because the Canucks have a lot of Swedes. Or also because it’s the name for a psychological phenomenon in which hostages develop feelings of empathy and affection for their captors.

I’m a masochist RT “@vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________”

— CS (@notafullcolon) September 25, 2012

This affiliation goes the other way, too. If you like the Canucks on Facebook, “Whipped with a switch” pops up in the sidebar as something you might also like.

I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow RT @vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because

— The Tinfoil Tuque (@tinfoiltuque) September 25, 2012

On that same note, I cannot believe no one made an “O Brother, Where are Thou?” photoshop when Daniel Sedin was out with that concussion. Missed opportunity.

I became a #Canucks fan because I love killing defenseless animals just like my hero @d_booth7

— Fear The Fin (@fearthefin) September 25, 2012

Do I detect a note of sarcasm?

I didn’t become one, I was born one. #BleedBlueAndGreen RT “@vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________”

— Alexandra Ransford (@alexlovesburrs) September 25, 2012

It’s a congenital birth anomaly, like a tail or a sixth finger.

Because the flying V is like the Hypnotoad. RT @vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— Canucks Misconduct (@nucksmisconduct) September 25, 2012

ALL GLORY TO THE FLYING V.

We win prez trophies baby RT @vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— Dapper Don Khatkar (@DanielKhatkar) September 25, 2012

Damn right. We have two. How many does your lame team have?

“@vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________”…they traded Dan Cloutier.

— Stephan (@Stephan_Legal) September 25, 2012

Uh oh. I’ve got bad news for you, guy.

Dan Cloutier was added as a goaltending consultant. RT @vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— Mike Martignago (@MikeMartignago) September 25, 2012

Luckily, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

I like my goalies sensitive, yet brooding. RT @vancanucks I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— James Gordon (@SensReporter) September 25, 2012

Who doesn’t? It’s like Twilight up in here! Speaking of which:

Pacific NW, dudes biting other dudes… I honestly thought it was Twilight. RT @vancanucks I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— Winging It In Motown (@wingingitmotown) September 25, 2012

And Chris Higgins sparkles when he goes outside. And speaking of Higgins:

of Chris Higgins’ abs. RT @vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— GayCanuck (@GayCanuck) September 25, 2012

I don’t doubt it. Heck, that might still be true if his handle were @straightcanuck. Chris Higgins’s abs are that impressive.

I want to destroy my liver RT @vancanucks: “I became a #Canucks fan because _______________”

— Kevin Sellathamby (@NonAmericanHero) September 25, 2012

Sometimes a man needs a little motivation to drink his life away.

I like to burn things. RT @vancanucks: I became a #Canucks fan because _______________

— Spencer Callaghan (@Senturion) September 25, 2012

The Vancouver Canucks: number one with public vandals.

I’m a dark soul who hates the very idea of happiness RT @vancanucks: “I became a #Canucks fan because _______________”

— Alix (@alixiswright37) September 25, 2012

Pretty much sums it up.