Valuable lesson: don’t ask Vancouver Canucks fans why they are the way they are

Canucks fans are inherently self-effacing.

While many hockey fans are descending into despair and cynicism in the wake of this lockout, the Vancouver Canucks Twitter account gleefully soldiers on. If they weren’t being paid to be so optimistic, it would be downright admirable.

On Tuesday, they attempted to infect the rest of us with their sappy cheer, tweeting “I became a Canucks fan because…” in the hopes of filling us with the warm fuzzies of reminiscence.

But it didn’t quite work. For some, this was an opportunity to tell their moving conversion stories. I was riding my donkey on the road to Damascus when all of a sudden Trevor Linden appeared before me in a brilliant shaft of light… that sort of thing. But for others, it was merely an opportunity to be a smartass. After all, Canuck fans are grumpy gusses most of the time as it is, but in the midst of a lockout, they’re even gloomier than usual. “I became a Canucks fan because of their revolutionary social media strategy,” dour old Cam Charron tweeted, and he wasn’t the only one that met the optimism of @vancanucks with pure, unadulterated snark. Here are some of our favourites.

 

Get it? Because the Canucks have a lot of Swedes. Or also because it’s the name for a psychological phenomenon in which hostages develop feelings of empathy and affection for their captors.

 

This affiliation goes the other way, too. If you like the Canucks on Facebook, “Whipped with a switch” pops up in the sidebar as something you might also like.

 

On that same note, I cannot believe no one made an “O Brother, Where are Thou?” photoshop when Daniel Sedin was out with that concussion. Missed opportunity.

 

Do I detect a note of sarcasm?

 

It’s a congenital birth anomaly, like a tail or a sixth finger.

 

ALL GLORY TO THE FLYING V.

 

Damn right. We have two. How many does your lame team have?

 

Uh oh. I’ve got bad news for you, guy.

 

Luckily, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

 

Who doesn’t? It’s like Twilight up in here! Speaking of which:

 

And Chris Higgins sparkles when he goes outside. And speaking of Higgins:

 

I don’t doubt it. Heck, that might still be true if his handle were @straightcanuck. Chris Higgins’s abs are that impressive.

 

Sometimes a man needs a little motivation to drink his life away.

 

The Vancouver Canucks: number one with public vandals.

 

Pretty much sums it up.

7 comments

  1. JanBanan
    September 26, 2012

    Because I like alienating my goalies, but Vesa Toskala didn’t offer enough of a challenge.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +7 (from 7 votes)
  2. biznow
    September 26, 2012

    Jan Bulis was the most common answer though right?

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
  3. Thomas
    September 26, 2012

    Because I’m also a Red Sox fan.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +2 (from 4 votes)
  4. Dane
    September 26, 2012

    I became a Canucks fan because I pushed random on NHL 03 and got Vancouver.

    VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
    Rating: +12 (from 12 votes)
    • Harrison Mooney
      September 26, 2012

      This is the best answer ever.

      VN:F [1.9.16_1159]
      Rating: +6 (from 6 votes)
      • Dane
        September 26, 2012

        And to think, I could have just as easily become a Blue Jackets fan.

        I shudder at the thought.

        VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
        Rating: +6 (from 8 votes)
        • Abby
          October 10, 2012

          Yeah. Then you wouldn’t even have any President’s Trophies to celebrate.

          XD

          VA:F [1.9.16_1159]
          Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)