I love hockey cards. Back in the pre-internet days of the early nineties, hockey cards were my main source of information about the NHL. I used to pore over the back of my cards for hours, comparing players’ goals, assists, and points and wondering what in the world a “PIM” was. Since my family didn’t have cable, Hockey Night in Canada was the only time I could watch hockey on TV, so hockey cards were my window into a league that wasn’t just the Toronto Maple Leafs.
When I got a Vancouver Canucks card, I was thrilled. Hockey Night in Canada didn’t often feature the Canucks: I saw Doug Gilmour and the Leafs far more often than I saw Trevor Linden and the Canucks, except when one of the local channels carried a game or the playoffs rolled around. I treasured my Canucks hockey cards and for a long time they were my biggest connection to my favourite team.
On the weekend, I tried to relive my childhood by buying a grab box of over 200 random hockey cards. It was a lot of fun opening up the box and sorting through the cards. It brought me back to when I was a kid, particularly that little thrill of excitement when I discovered a few Canucks cards: a Henrik Sedin and a couple Roberto Luongos. The box even had a couple Luongo cards from when he was with the Florida Panthers.
I was getting to the end of the box when I found one more Canucks card, but instead of the thrill of excitement, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
It was a Mark Messier card.
Messier may be a legend to the rest of the NHL, but to Canucks fans, he’s an evil villain. First as the captain of the 1994 Rangers that defeated the Canucks in the Cup Final, then as a hugely disappointing free agent signing. Brought in as a highly touted veteran leader, Messier played some of the worst hockey of his career, failing to get the Canucks into the playoffs, taking the captaincy away from the beloved Trevor Linden, taking the unofficially retired number of Wayne Maki, and eventually leading to Linden being traded away. Though there were many factors in all of these events, the passing of time has led to Messier being blamed for them all.
Canucks fans outright hate Messier. So you can imagine my disappointment when one of the few Canucks cards I got in a box of over 200 had his stupefied mug on it, with Maki’s 11 and Linden’s “C” clearly visible. I don’t want to own this card. I want to destroy this card.
But I need your help. I have too many ideas and I need your help to narrow down my choices or even to add your own ideas.
So how should I do it? What should I do to this horrible piece of memorabilia? Should I have my 10-month old son chew it to pieces? Run it over with my car? Throw darts at it? Stick it to the bottom of my shoe and go hiking? Light it on fire? Put it through a paper shredder? Soak it in a cup of cola for a week? Microwave it? Fold it into a paper airplane and throw it off a tall building?
Help me out. Let me know in the comments what you want me to do to this card and (within reason) I will do it. I will even film the destruction and post the video here on the blog.
Please help me destroy this card. It’s the right thing to do.Tags: Hockey Cards, The dark days of Messier