Kevin Bieksa gets a ticket, and other great moments in Canucks automotive history

In case you haven’t heard, the NHL collective bargaining agreement expired at 9pm PST on Saturday night, meaning the second work stoppage in seven years is officially upon us. (Alert status: complete despair.) No games have been canceled yet, but the lockout is already beginning to affect things. On Monday, a handful of Canucks skated at UBC with their practice jerseys turned inside-out. After all, they aren’t employees of the Canucks right now. Horrifying.

And that wasn’t the only tangible impact the lockout had on the Canucks’ unemployed hockey players. With no training staff around to keep an eye on the clock, Kevin Bieksa’s parking meter expired. As depicted at the end of this video, he returned to his car to discover he’d been busted by officer 300, the Judge Dredd of parking services officers. Bieksa now has until the end of the month to pay the $30 ticket before it doubles to $60. Will this wreak havoc on his lockout preparation fund?

Yeah, he can probably afford it, which means there isn’t much of a story here. It’s a shame his violation was 11b (expired meter), and not, say, violation 13g (nuisance) or violation 7k (counterfeit pass). I mean, that would have at least made things interesting.

But what we lack in one quality parking story we can more than make up for in quantity. This is, after all, just the latest in a long line of auto-related incidents for members of the Vancouver Canucks. Some are urban legends; some are the real deal. Come with us as we park multiple times on memory lane.

Roberto Luongo told Vancouver hates him by a parking attendant

Two days after being lit up by the Chicago Blackhawks, allowing 7 goals in a loss that eliminated the Canucks from the 2009 playoffs, Roberto Luongo headed back to Rogers Arena to clean out his locker before flying down to Florida for the summer. On his way into the building, he had a conversation with the parking attendant, who told him Funny Bob people were calling for him to be traded. When media asked him about it, he was ready. From the Vancouver Sun:

“It’s funny you said that because I hadn’t heard anything about that,” Luongo said. “The parking attendant mentioned it to me on my way in. I don’t know what to say to that, honestly.

“Obviously, the fans are passionate about their team and I understand that 100 per cent. It’s a great city and a great market and when you’re winning, it’s awesome. I get that whole thing. It’s just, obviously, we’re all human. And things like that (debate), I don’t know if anybody can really put it aside without it affecting them.”

That article is a good read, especially in hindsight. People claim Luongo had his chance in Vancouver, but that article was written after he was blown out of the playoffs for the first time. Some people wanted him gone then. There is no room for error in the Canucks’ goal.

Trevor Linden poses with his Mustang in a Canadian tuxedo

No story here. Just an iconic photo. It’s 18-year-old Trevor Linden, already a bonafide stud, dressed head-to-toe in denim and leaning on his 1965 red mustang in front of Pacific Coliseum.

Man, that guy can lean on just about anything and make a famous shot out of it. I mean, it’s streets ahead of the second-best photo of a former Canuck posing with his mustang.

Kevin Weekes misses practice due to auto theft

Long before he had no five hole, Kevin Weekes tended goal for the Canucks. His time here was short, but the following urban legend lives on: once, the keeper missed a practice, and when coach Marc Crawford pressed him for what happened, he said his car had been stolen. There is some debate as to whether or not this was true.

Mind you, there’s some debate over whether or not the whole story is true, too.

Yann Sauve gets hit by a car

In 2010, defensive prospect Yann Sauve was in town for Canucks’ training camp. Crossing Burrard Street, he was hit by a car, suffering a concussion, as well as noticeable abrasions on his face and arms. “He’s just lucky to be alive,” Mike Gillis said. “You get hit by a car these days … ”

Gillis trailed off, presumably thinking on the days of yore, when cars were made of marshmallows.

Sauve has since made a full recovery.

The legend of Dan Cloutier’s porsche 

Speaking of urban legends involving automobiles and former Canuck goaltenders, you really can’t do a post like this without mentioning the supposed hit and run that took place in Dan Cloutier’s car. It’s not true, but man alive, a lot of people thought it was. Here’s the basic story, from the Province:

A guy who knows a guy who golfed with a guy who knows a police officer says Dan Cloutier is being investigated for a fatal hit-and-run accident. He may have been driving. He may have lent his car to a friend. The accident involved a speeding Porsche Cayenne SUV. The vehicle hit three men outside a Gastown nightclub last November. Two people died.

“It was totally, totally false. Absolutely untrue,” Cloutier’s agent Rollie Thompson said. “It wasn’t his car. He was livid with that story.”

And you thought Luongo got rough treatment from the fans in Vancouver. At least there’s never been a rumour that he killed three people.

Keith Ballard’s bad luck continues

Ballard’s time in Vancouver has just been a string of disappointments, and here’s an example from just this past season how bad his luck has been: after missing nearly two months with what turned out to be a concussion, Ballard returned for his first full practice on March 27. He skated, he felt great, and he had no setbacks — except for when he came back out to his car and discovered that he had a flat tire. Worst.

Stanley Cup loss leads many to wish they hadn’t parked downtown 

It would be impossible to write this story without mentioning at least one of the times the Canucks lost a Stanley Cup Final Game 7 and people spent the rest of the evening overturning cars. Here’a a video of our best and brightest ruining a police cruiser.

What. A pack. Of idiots.

The idiot supreme is the guy that punches the car once it had been rolled onto its back. Way to pitch in, champ. I bet he considered that participating and brags to all his friends that he helped flip the car to this day.

Ed Jovanovski’s roadside assistance

This one’s borderline, since it didn’t happen when he was a Canuck, but this tale about former Canuck Ed Jovanovski is too good to leave out. One day, while cruising with Rhett Warrener in Florida, the two Panthers’ blueliners drove past a woman arguing with her boyfriend. They slowed down and offered the woman a ride home. Jovanovski wound up marrying her.

Artem Chubarov bolts for Russia, leaves his car at the stadium

But the greatest parking story in Vancouver Canucks’ history goes like this: After three years of being utilized as a defensive forward under Marc Crawford, Russian centre Artem Chubarov decided to bolt to the KHL. And when I say bolt, I meant bolt. He left in such a hurry he didn’t even bother getting his car from the Rogers Arena parking lot. According to the legend, his car was parked there for years.

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9 comments

  1. Patrick Johnston
    September 18, 2012

    so, uh, Marc Crawford was Kevin Weekes’ coach…

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    • Harrison Mooney
      September 18, 2012

      Wow, what a brain fart. Thanks, fixed.

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  2. Dani
    September 18, 2012

    I’m in break at work and I’m eating a Poptart and nearly choked at the bit about marshmallow cars. Long story short, I’m sending you my medical bills, Harrison.

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  3. the real bob
    September 18, 2012

    Looks like Ballard will have to fight the tire too…

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  4. Abby
    September 18, 2012

    oh gosh.

    You know Bulis is getting creative when the first week of the lockout they’re posting about marshmallow cars.

    I wonder what level of insanity we’ll be at by November?

    I love this blog so much.

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  5. TeeJay
    September 19, 2012

    Would not have a ticket if it was a stanchion.

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  6. Rituro
    September 19, 2012

    Linden photo. Thread wins internet. Conversation over.

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  7. tom selleck's moustache
    September 19, 2012

    I liked Jovanovski’s story, that’s something you can tell your grandkids.

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  8. rvtBC
    September 20, 2012

    Chewy’s story takes the cake.

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